HASH #620
HARES: Hands Solo, Drive Thru, Fly The Friendly Thighs, 3 Times A Lady
I never thought I would see the day when I found a Saturday morning
activity I preferred to Bugs Bunny cartoons or sex, but here I was
again on the road to another Mount Vernon hash. It was Springfield
Days in Springfield, so upon arrival at the start I had to pick my
way through the pedestrians who had arrived early for the Springfield
Days parade. This was especially tough for me since I had picked up
some bad driving habits during my 2 WEEK VACATION IN ITALY, so I took
care to apologize to each pedestrian I ran over. Just to be on the
safe side, I parked far from where the pack was assembling, and hiked
the remaining ground.
Last week's hares were nowhere in sight. I had heard about that trail,
and regret being in ITALY to miss such a stellar activity, but I did get
the stories. And were there ever stories! Fortunately, the heat had
abated, and was only to rise to mid 80's today.
The aroma of "Oak 'n' Ivy Armor" filled the air. Bite Me Elmo was
observed mulling over the decision to wear her PI pants (pants on,
pants off, pants on, etc.). The hares had just arrived, sporting their
new Race For The Cure T-shirts, which they had earned a couple of hours
earlier. The fact that they had just participated in a 5K in Downtown
D.C. led to some speculation that the trail had been pre-set Friday
night, but these allegations were to be proven false (more about that
later).
After lots of whining about a late hares away, the hares were away.
And hashers wearing Race For The Cure T-shirts continued to arrive.
Following a spirited FA, the walking commenced west along Old Keene
Mill Road, then right into a residential neighborhood. Byte carried
me part way through that neighborhood, but not nearly far enough, and
not through any PI (that would have been rewarded). We soon arrived
at a check, where Black Box, Screws Everybody, CumFeelMy Butt, and
Holiday Ho led walkers away, and Stained Sheetz assumed his now familiar
position as FRB. That man was so fast, he ran the final part of the
trail before the hares (more about that later).
Our excitement rose as we heard the sounds of a parade approaching,
then saw the parade passing before us. We didn't see any flour or
chalk, but we didn't see any Poop Deck marks either, so could only
assume that we were on trail. I joined Big Bird Turd and Hard Drive
for loop around parade, through a church parking lot, and to the other
side of the afore-mentioned residential neighborhood. At this point
we met Steamer, Little Lucy, and the rest of pack (minus, of course,
the Stained Sheetzless FRBs) following flour. We were just in time
for the BT.
We backtracked to the check, where we became participants of the
Springfield Days parade. I overtook McGruff the Crime Dog and several
Fairfax County police officers, followed Cork Screwed marks back
into residential neighborhood, and met Yes Dear coming back toward
parade, bearing news of a BT. So we rejoined the Springfield Days
parade, once again overtook McGruff the Crime Dog and several Fairfax
County police officers, to a BT, then back for one last pass of
McGruff the Crime Dog, whom I now consider an honorary hasher.
Wilburrr later remarked that this was the first time we've had so
many police on trail where none of them asked us to leave. GBOF
could have been a float himself in his fine hashing shirt - you
know, the one with the bright pink penis on it.
This time we were really really on trail. I joined Vominatrix,
who was recovering from a 2nd place finish in her age group in a
marathon just a few days earlier. Along with Bavarian Bush and
Topless Skateboarding Nun, we picked our way through a shopping
strip parking lot, back to the start, where 3X was waiting with
a water stop.
We headed up Old Keene Mill Road (sound familiar yet?). Perk-A-Set
had to peepee already, but there were no trees so she had to duck
behind some green 3-leafed vines. We rounded a familiar corner,
eventually catching up with Hollow Point for a jog through the same
church parking lot through which we had run earlier on this trail.
I followed 6-Yen Man and Psycho down a hill to the turkey/eagle split,
where they opted for the eagle, and I the turkey. I was in good company,
for I joined up with Spinal Tap, who serenaded me with a song about
dogs sniffing each other's butts (where he comes up with these songs...).
From there it was a quick stroll through a wooded and PI'd area to BEER
NEAR and ON IN, and a feast of fruit salad, gazpacho, chips, cookies,
and beer.
Yes Dear and Wankers called us to circle up, and brought forth the hares,
who drank for being hares.
Will someone please remind me to pick up the list of honors this week?
I didn't last week, so I don't know who the virgins or visitors were, or
even know who celebrated how many anniversaries (get a life!), I only
remember that Topless Skateboarding Nun was a long-time-no-see'er.
Something about Foul Balls, don't remember that either.
The hares were nominated for lots of violations, not the least of which
was the snaring of 3X; since Drive-Thru had to drink for the absent Fly
The Friendly Thighs last week, FTFT was drinking for Drive-Thru this week.
Then there were the Race For The Cure participants in their new T-shirts:
Wankers, Hot Legs, Yes Dear, Mud Buns, Bramble Bush, and Hymen Dickover;
Dr. Jekyll for forgetting to bring Cunning Runt; Milk Money - new car (ever
wonder where your $4 goes?); Cork Screwed - birthday; and Black Box - fashion
statement for dressing like a Killer Bee.
Fly The Friendly Thighs was back with the hashit this week. It is customary
for the reigning hashitter to give a brief speech, but FTFT opted instead
to flash Wilburrr and Full Metal Balls, who was so overcome he required
immediate assistance, thus earning FTFT a nomination to keep the hashit.
About this time, Any Bush Will Do finished trail and began drinking all
the down-down beer, which earned him a hashit nomination. But the pack
had sympathy for Any Bush Will Do, since he was just thirsty, so the evil
FTFT was awarded a second week with the hashit.
FMB recovered, Swing Low was sung, and peace returned to Springfield Days.
Hugs & Kisses,
Latecummer (motto: Miss the graphics? Get over it!)
Notice: Be ye forewarned that all who hash must for the honor of hashing
remit $4 to Milk Money every Saturday before taking to trail. This includes
hares. So don't f*ck with Milk Money!
For those who have missed the electronic version of the Trash, Hard Drive
is remodeling the web page, soon to be unveiled!
Black Box is updating the hash directory--a thankless task, but someone has
to keep track of us half-brains. If you would like to be included or have
changes you would like made to your current listing, please see her at the
hash or contact her on patti.thomas@ost.dot.gov or at 703-533-2107.
Next Full mOOn hash is Saturday, June 26, when we will celebrate the birthdays
of Bill Wagner(2).
The Sunday afternoon Mountain Bike Hash is going to start up again this
Sunday (June 13, 1999). The first (official) ride of the year will start
at Lake Fairfax and will hosted by Dr. Jekyll. Find your own way there. We
will begin at 3:00pm and finish whenever. The trail will be under 10 miles
and should be medium to easy. Of course there will be a couple of big hills
for Dr. J's entertainment. Dr. Jekyll will host a cookout at Cunning Runt's
house (gotta love that kept man status) for those who survive and are
interested.
Next week's hares are without direction, so be sure to come next week,
wherever it is, to witness the return of The Chicken!