#622

Note graphics,

result of Big Bird's

graphics lesson

If it aint' live, it ain't Mount Vernon!

Last week it was a 40-minute drive into the hills of Virginia, this week it was a 40-minute drive to the netherlands of Maryland! When will Mount Vernon return to my backyard? There was a good turnout of hashers curious to see if Bite Me Elmo could exorcise the satanic hare demon that had possessed Steamer's Bitch a couple of weeks earlier. We're still working on his "getting directions to the scribes in time to print them in the trash" demon. It's lucky for Steamer's Bitch that the chicken is vacationing in Florida, or he would be drinking again today!

It was a special day for Mount Vernon, because we had with us in the circle for the first time in over three months our own Mellow Foreskin Cheese, and his two extra legs. It's great to have you back, MFC!

So, following a rousing round of Father Abe, off we hashed into the maze of townhouses north of Bethesda. When we finally emerged we were looking high and low for flour, chalk, any sign that a hare had been through recently. When trail was finally spotted, it was Big Bird Turd and Hawaiian Puke who met with the property owner through whose land the flour went, who patiently pointed out the "NO TRESPASSING" signs posted about. So BBT and HP led us out to the highway, where a gleeful hare (SB) bounded across traffic to help guide us back onto trail.

"Back on trail" meant taking us into the woods and through the traditional creek crossing, then over a busy highway and up hill, where we came upon the familiar figures of the Black Box-led walkers and, get this Steamer's Bitch trail veterans, a water stop! And a most welcome one it was, as we all paused to refresh ourselves and count digits to see what had been claimed by the street crossing.

Perk-A-Set tinkled somewhere along here.

Following power lines and Missing Link marks, we soon went back into the woods for another bit o' trail (here's the part you're all waiting for) until we reached a bit of a log jam at the next creek crossing. In a scene reminiscent of the beltway during rush hour, half the pack was lined up waiting for a stalled hasher to be removed from the fast log. Traffic cop Dual Air Bags came to the rescue with her helpful instructions ("Get the hell out of my way, you used up whores!"). Finally Big Bird Turd created his own lane on a second log, the one with flour on it, and soon others followed suit. OhFeelYa Butt decided to try to pass on the stalled log. I'm not sure just what happened next, all I know is I heard her yell, "Hey, look at that frog!", then a splash, and I looked up just in time to see her swallowed by the creek.

The short cut took us to by a kiddie train chugging aroung a kiddie railroad track and Hands Solo wanted to hijack the train, but, being a kiddie train meant no alcohol on board, so he abandoned the idea.

Next we came upon a talking, trash-eating pig that belched louder than Milk Money when it swallowed the trash.

When I heard "Hey, where have you been?", I turned and saw Missed Erections and some visitors front-running in our direction. (I don't know what trail they had followed, but I'm not too disappointed I missed it.) At the next check Hollow Point led us through PI to true trail, and the hunt was back on for beer. When I spied Perk-A-Set splashing through a creek, I bid farewell to Holiday Ho and Do Me Next Week, and rejoined the runners.

I spotted one of today's virgins, Just George, with the hashit that had earlier been in the possession of Fly The Friendly Thighs, to which he replied "Someone asked me to hold it for her."

My special thanks go to Betty Crotcher for finding that huge snake on trail and screaming bloody murder thus warning me to stay the hell away.

The exhausted pack slowly replaced layers of wet clothes with dry ones before chowing down on bagels with all the trimmings. Yes Dear pressed all mis-management into duty readying the down-down fluids, and circle was called.

First were the hares. In honor of the lengthy trail, Bite Me Elmo and Steamer's Bitch were awarded a double down-down, but were denied beer and forced to down Dr. Pepper. Next came anniversaries: Dancing Fool (whose appearance guaranteed that we would leave the trail cleaner than we found it) - 5; Great Balls of Fire - 25; Black Box - 105; Yes Dear - 135; and the leader of the Get-A-Life club: Mud Buns with 185.

We also had a special anniversary today, the 28th wedding anniversary of Psycho and Jockstrap, who were also with us for the last time before they move to San Diego at the end of the month. It's been great having them hash with Mount Vernon, and we wish them happy trails out west. (Since we didn't want them to drink alone, the hares did another Dr. Pepper down-down.)

There were two virgins today, Terry Winchester and George Pusta, both of whom refused to admin who had made them cum. Our visitors were Just Pamela, D7G, Fucking Lamb Chops, and (get this) Turd Bird. Returners were Family Jewels, First of May, Betty Crotcher, Glad He Ate Her, Dancing Fool, and Mellow Foreskin Cheese.

It was a long trail, so there were lots of violations: Milk Money, Hawaiian Puke, and Dual Air Bags for making a sex sandwich on trail, which they demonstrated for us in the circle; Blazing Straddle for using a big ass word to describe her PI; Does It For Free has a new job so she won't be doing it for free any more; Just Tim ran through a BT calling "on on"; Big Bird Turd, who's gonna give me a lesson in graphics (see what a good job he did!); Just Terry picked up a souvenir on trail, he's a one-ball man; Mellow Foreskin Cheese and Big Bird Turd (the Bill Wagners) celebrating birthdays; GBOF for wearing a T-shirt advertising Mellow Foreskin Cheese's birthday; Fly The Friendly Thighs - virgin abuse; Just George - abused virgin; Can'tFeelMy Butt for going froggin' at the creek crossing; 3 Times A Lady for being a beer snot; and finally, the hares!

Hawaiian Puke produced two T-shirts that had been left in his Jeep over the course of the winter, which really disrupted things because a catfight erupted between Milk Money and Blazing Straddle over the long-sleeved shirt, which MM was seen wearing after the circle.

Back to business, nominations for hashit were being accepted. The reigning hashit Fly The Friendly Thighs, in an effort to throw attention from herself, allowed the hares should have the hashit. Blank Check nominated hash cash Milk Money for not accepting Belgian francs (she has been well trained); Black Box suggested OhFeelYa Butt for swallowing creek water; and Pay Per View nominated Hawaiian Puke for allowing the chickens to travel. And the winner of the hashit for next week is