Hares: Dual Air Bags and Blank Check

If it ain't live, it ain't Mount Vernon!

Is it really Mount Vernon, or is it the Blank Check / Steamer's Bitch H3? Has anyone noticed that, for the past several weeks, Blank Check and Steamer's Bitch have been alternating hares, and trails have been either Montclair, VA, or JaPipp, MD? Neither had I until Blank Check pointed it out to me. This week was once again I-95 exit #152 and go west for Blank Check's turn at the hare.

It was the first trail of official summer, and we had the heat and humidity to prove it. My memory of the morning is rather vague due to the heat stroke or two I suffered on trail, but here are a few of the highlights:

Roto Router emerged from hibernation! We hadn't had a Roto sighting since he moved way out to Marshall, so Montclair must be relatively close to Marshall. Another long time no-see'r was Brennan, 3-year old son of 3 Times A Lady. Brennan was instrumental in assisting Hawaiian Puke with Father Abe.

Perk-A-Set pee'd, and the hash was on. We hadn't gone far when the heat began to take its toll on the pack. First to succumb was For Sale Or Rent who blamed exhaustion for her half-gainer with a round-off in the first creek crossing. Thanks to a solid splash, the judges awarded her a 5.3, which was enough to get into the medal round.

Heart Ass (no relation to Tore Ass), visiting from Columbia - SA, not MD - noted how MVH3 shiggy is much preferable to Bogata shiggy, which is machine gun toting humans. Then again, Columbian crack is a bit stronger that MVH3 crack, which is basically frequent mooning, and doesn't fetch much profit.

After following Stained Sheets through a few private property crossings, we reached the first water stop, operated by OhFeelYa Butts and Rutro, who delivered instructions for the next leg of the trail, overheard as follows: OFYB: "Go to the street, walkers' trail goes to the left, runners' trail goes to the right." Pack: "Which way is the runners' trail?" OFYB: "Go to the street, walkers' trail goes to the left, runners' trail goes to the right." Pack: "Where is the split?" OFYB: "Go to the street, walkers' trail goes to the left, runners' trail goes to the right." Pack: "Which way is the walkers' trail?" OFYB: "Go to the street, walkers' trail goes to the left, runners' trail goes to the right." Wilburrr: "Now where did you say the walkers' / runners' split is?"

About that time, a police cruiser, retracing our trail, passed our water stop and continued the way we had come, as we remembered the private property crossings and tried to look nonchalant. We hurried to the walkers' / runners' split. Against my better judgment (I am a hasher), I took the runners' trail.

I caught up with the last of the runners who had temporarily stopped running thanks to an irate mom who was yelling at her kids and was naturally assumed to be yelling at passing hashers. So I ran for a while with Fly The Friendly Thighs, Indecent Proposal, and Perk-A-Set. We had a great conversation, caught up on each other's lives, and completely missed a branch in the trail. We did notice that there were no hashers one in front of us, but it wasn't until we heard Byte and Dr. Jekyll, accusing us of shortcutting, that we realized that we were FRBs. Then all we saw were their heels as they blew past us.

Then it got really hot, and my brain began to fry. I ran out of steam after second water stop, and Hard Drive and Hawaiian Puke took turns dragging my weary body across a barren landscape and finally to Dual Air Bag's lawn, where they deposited me on the pile of wilted hashers.

The hares had prepared for us a splendid looking spread of construct-your-own burritos, but my rods were spent. I did begin to perk up after French Toasted hosed me off...

Puke donned the big hat indicating that circle was about to be called. First up were hares Dual Air Bags and Blank Check, who drank for one long-ass trail. Next were the virgins: Vicky McClendon, Steve McClendon, and Dan Suson (who is Puke's roomie for the summer). Visiting us were Jason Cole, Glen Fleming, Slitty Slitty Bang Bang from Edmonton, and Heart Ass from Bogota. Anniversaries were ; Ranger Dick - 35; Fly The Friendly Thighs - 105, Quick Drawers - 395, and Cheap Slut - 469. Returners included: Mother Pucker, Mustang Sally, Just Brian, Slip Knot, and Watersport. We had a naming, an unusual naming, in that it was a naming of a virgin. It seems that Vicky McClendon's car alarm went off before the hash started, and she didn't know how to turn it off. Henceforth and forevermore, throughout the world of hashing, Vicky will be known as Blows All Day. Finally we did violations: Just Tim for running during the walking phase (we have no rules, only guidelines), Drops a Load for getting in Dr. Jekyll's shorts, Fussy Bitch for playing with Cal Ripken's balls (or ball, as the case may be), 3 Times A Lady was beaten to the end by his 3-year-old son, Brennan; environmentals: Just Robert and Perk-A-Set; and fashion statements Nurse Crotchet, Bramble Bush, Spread Sheets, Blazing Straddle, and Big Bird Turd. Throughout the circle, Hot Leggs had to do several down-downs for partying. I also had to drink for forgetting who had the hashit from the prior week, but I suspect it was Bite Me Elmo because she's just a natural for it and because she was conspicuously absent this week, as was the hashit. So, no hashit news. Hats off, pots on the ground, and Hawaiian Puke remembered the words to Swing Low!

Check out the list of hares for next week and note that, for the first time in a month, neither Blank Check nor Steamer's Bitch is a hare! Which you probably already surmised by the fact that we even have directions to the start for next week's Bastille Day trail:

Hares: Stained Sheets (Liberte'), Hands Solo (Equalite'), P2 (Fraternite')

Start at the Occoquan Medium Security Facility, Lorton Penitentiary ADC 27 G-11 at the corner of Lorton Rd and Rt. 123.

From I 95 Take the Lorton Exit (163) Turn right at the light onto Lorton Rd. Follow it to Rt. 123 turn left into the parking lot 20 yards short of 123,

or

From I 95 Take the 123 Exit (160) take 123 North until you see the prison on your right.

or

From I 66 take the Fairfax County Parkway (7100) South 10 K (6.2 miles) to rt. 123 South for 8.2 miles, the prison will be on your left.

WARNING: There will be some desperate looking characters in the parking lot and there might also be some prisoners.

Costumes encouraged, bright orange jumpsuits are not.

NO DOGS

NO STROLLERS

Check out directions to MVH3 and other local hashes on (202) PUDJAM0.

Big Bird Turd is the hare for Great Falls H3 Wednesday, July 7, he can direct you to the start, or to the webpage.

DCH4 hashes on Tuesday nights, this week the trail starts at Mr. Peabody’s house at 510 North Florida St in Arlington. His description of the trail is, and I quote, "It will be bj friendly and PI free." One can only assume that trail has blow jobs and no poison ivy.

Remember that great gazpacho Hands Solo served us earlier this month? Here's the no cook, blender only version of the recipe:

1 can (28 ounces) whole tomatoes

1 cup finely chopped green peppers

1 cup finely chopped cucumbers

1 cup croutons

1 medium onion, chopped (about 1/2 cup)

2 tablespoons white wine

2 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil

1 tablespoon ground cumin

1 tablespoon vinegar

1/2 tablespoon salt

1/4 tablespoon pepper

Place the tomatoes (with liquid), 1/2 cup of the green peppers, 1/2 cup of the cucumbers, 1/2 cup of the croutons, 1/4 cup of the onion, the wine, oil, cumin, vinegar, salt and pepper in the blender. Cover and blend on medium speed until smooth. Cover and refrigerate at least 1 hour. Serve with remaining ingredients as mixed accompaniments. 8 servings 1/2 cup each.