Run # 625
Hares: Stained Sheetz, Hands Solo, and Pinkie Penis

Location: Stained Sheetz’ previous home—Lorton Prison

Well here’s a question to the folks that hared with Stained Sheetz—Did you start scoping the trail 6 months ago and run it 10 times to verify checks, times, etc? (We love you man). I bet the only reason we got to run through there is because Stained Sheetz has a guard "friend" there who he threatened to blackmail. You know back when he was in prison, he traded sexual favors for beer or something.

Whew, was it hot or was I just happy to see ya’ll?

Why do we either go way north into Maryland or down 95 to hash these days? Are we hiding from somebody? Hoorah for today’s hash being local. And a 2^nd hoorah that Steamer’s Bitch isn’t haring.

We all drove south, negotiating the traffic of yankees heading south to vacation in God’s country, to arrive in a parking lot adjacent to an obviously older section of the prison. We enviornmental engineers were happy to see there was no guard in the watchtower who could see us relieving ourselves behind the trees before the hash started.

Finally Wankers Aweigh called Circle Up and we were yodeling scales in preparation for a chorus of Father Abe. So all I’ve got to say is -- Hey French Toasted - what the hell was that? He led us in the French version of Father Abraham. He wasn’t even drunk. We obnoxious hashers harassed him by yelling Spanish slogans and even a "Yo quiero Taco Bell" was heard from Byte Lightning.

We finally were off walking around a perimeter fence complete with ribbon razor wire. I wasn’t going to try to break in. I was disappointed that I didn’t see a yard full of jailbirds staring at us—that would have added that extra dimension.

As we were circumnavigating the grounds, I was reminded of that totally cool Bastille Day hash 2 years ago. Remember the one through the prison and the prison’s cow pastures? That went down as my favorite trail. But enough diary stuff. Would this be the same?

Dr. Jekyll, and Byte took off from the first check and led the pack into the wild blue yonder once the running commenced.

Unfortunately, we were skipping cow pastures and running through lots of pathways and roads. It started out through gravel tracks that soon put us on pavement. We had several long runs down empty roads and I was getting bids for my water bottle. I was nice and shared with Indecent Proposal.

At transition points from prison property to non-prison property, it was totally cool to be guided by a prison guard. On one occasion, a guard in a car flew by us with his sirens blaring. I figured somebody didn’t tell him what we were up to and he thought there was a mass prison break. We all have a secret desire to be arrested and handcuffed but, it didn’t happen for any of us this day.

After about 1 mile of gravel and pavement, the front of the pack came into view after having run a BT. After about 3 minutes of running together, the FRBs started pulling away. I could have sprinted past Byte Lightning and Dr. Jekyll and kicked gravel on them, but I decided to let them be FRBs today. After all, Cunning Runt wasn’t hashing so it was their opportunity to not be BEAT BY A WOMAN.

Finally I heard Milk Money and Poop Deck call WATER. We had made it to the first of 2 water stops. We refreshed ourselves on a dirt road, then took off through a field.

I pulled alongside Foul Balls at a construction site and ran through a neighborhood with Oolie (or whatever the hell his name is). After running what seemed like 4 more miles, we came upon a water hose under somebody’s deck. Was that part of the trail or were we trespassing on somebody’s private property? We all sprayed ourselves and went on our merry way up hillocks that seemed like mountains, and through a nice Lorton neighborhood.

Well, if any inmates escape, they have a trail that will lead them all the way to the home of Hands Solo. That ought to make you think twice about laying trail through a prison.

When we finally saw the BEER NEAR mark, we were in the woods and came up on trail behind Hands Solo’s house. We were treated to hamburgers, excellent fruit salad, and BEER, all in a lovely setting of blooming flowers.

All said, an excellent hash.

Milk Money was nice enough to start down the list of attendees to verify everyone made it in.

Again, this week when the call went out for virgins, I was ignored. We celebrated Angie Goodejohn, and with a name like that, who needs a temporary name? David Segura and Jeff Morgan couldn’t decide if they were visitors or virgins, so we made them drink twice.

The visiting hashers were David Segura (dumb), Jeff Morgan (dumber), Black Clap, Gorilla in Our Mist (one hairy dude), and Spectacle Testicle.

Returning wankers were Champagne Charlie, Eat it Raw (yeah, they can hash with WH4 and GFH3 but they can’t crawl out of bed by 10 on a Saturday?), Rob Tarakan, Lady Bugger, and Mike Lewis.

Anniversarians were No Name Brian (5), Tim Foley (5), Lady Bugger (35), Water Sport (35), Pulls Out Early (35), Dahmer (50), Hymen Dickover (55), Bramble Bush (55), Buddha (125), Hot Legs (225), Poop Deck (265), Blank Check (365), and Stained Sheetz (425) – he must have gotten most of those in prison with his guard friend.

We said farewell to The Hasher Formally Known as Prince as he’s on his way to some place in Florida. He gave a tear jerking speech and presented us a pair of shorts to bind to the hash shit. Or did he mean something else by giving us a clean pair of shorts and using the word "shit" in the same sentence. Maybe we misunderstood—maybe it has something to do with Wilburr’s sock episode. Well farewell fellow hasher and happy trails until we meet again.

Violations included Lady Bugger for knowing the guards too well, Black Box for sending Missing Link and Slick Slit to Stained Sheetz’ house where she thought the end was, French Toasted for his non toasted french version of Father Abe, Mike Lewis for hashing with us 3 times and never signing in on the right page, the hares for leaving our valuable hashing bags in a truck bed in a prison parking lot unprotected, Water Sport for telling the prison guards off, and Poop Deck and Hot Legs for watering the plants off trail.

Now here’s a very grave violation—we had no hashit, nobody knew where it was, and the rubber chicken is still vacationing off someplace. If Hawaiin Puke cannot account for the hashit, and doesn’t come up with another rubber chicken, we’re going to charge him with "mismanagement".

On-On,

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Next Hash

Date: July 24th

Hares: Wankers Aweigh, Hot Legs, and Red Snapper

Start: Drew Elementary School

Directions:

From 395 north take North Glebe (exit 7B). From 395 south take Shirlington/Glebe (exit 7) and go right on Glebe. Go left on 24^th road (1^st intersection). Go straight at 4-way stop. Go left on 24^th street and turn into Drew Elementary School.

From 66: Go south on Glebe roughly 3 miles. Go right on Shirlington (light after Walter Reed). Go right on 24^th street (no light or stop). Go straight at stop sign and turn into Drew Elementary School.

Park and Hash.

Stroller and dog friendly

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