2 B or not 2 B

B all that you can B

B there or B square

Don't worry, B happy

Shoo B Shoo B Do

B kind to animals; just ignore Bad Dog

B afraid, B very afraid

B yourself; on 2nd thought, don't B

B Mine

If U can't B good, B careful

B there, do that

And the B-t goes on

B-m me up, Scotty!

Ever B-n Stung by a Killer B?

Just Buzz on by

Life's a B-tch

B-t it

B-witched, Bothered & B-wildered Am I. R U?

B-twixt & B-tween

Look B-fore u leap

B-yond the blue horizon

B my, B my baby

B-R near!

It has come to mismanagement’s attention that several hashers have harassed Ranger Dick for farting. This is serious. When people make fun of a loud, putrid, fart, it is a sad day for hashing. We are considering taking severe action and sending each hasher to a Flatuphobia Awareness Seminar. That is a drastic measure we want to avoid since it would add $1 to the cost of a hash. Instead, we are going to see if the following information will solve the problem.

How to tell if you’re a flatuphobe:

Alternative things to say:

Instead of

Who farted:

Say:

Are we running near a wastewater treatment facility?

Instead of:

Good fart!

Say:

Your flatulence brings back happy memories of my childhood.

We arrived at the start and boy was it hot! The assembled wankers were being signed in by Milk Money and Perk-A-Set and they were making it a happy, painless, cheerful start to the hash. Have I mentioned how much I love this year’s mismanagement?

I noticed an extraordinarily large number of hashers carrying water bottles this week but the FRBs were noticeably without them. I guess carrying a water bottle interferes with running fast.

Circle Up was called and Hawaiin Puke, Ranger Dick, Wankers Aweigh, and Yes Dear led us in Father Abe. This, by the way, was a joint hash with the Baltimore Annapolis Hash House Harriers. Gosh darnit, I don’t know if I’ve ever had so much fun during Father Abe!

Hawaiian Puke called WALKING and we all waddled off, out of the school yard, up the street (why do hashes always start on a gentle upward incline?), and running was called. We turned left to see a pack of confused hashers wandering around a grocery store (why do hashes always have a grocery store within ½ mile of the start?). It seemed the runners were going down the street and walkers kept going straight at the intersection but there was general confusion about which was the walkers trail. When somebody with an authoritative sounding voice yelled "walkers straight", the whole pack started running straight.

We came to a wooded trail with a marked check pointing walkers straight, runners to the right. Again, the whole pack ran straight. Wimps.

We feasted on hamburgers, hotdogs, excellent southwestern rice, and lots of COLD beverages.

We drank to the hares for a shitty trail and then we greeted our only true virgin, Allen. Since he was much tattooed like Pussy Whipped, he got all sorts of obscenities yelled at him. We nicknamed him Tattoos are Sexy. We also toasted Mellow Foreskin Cheese and Raise My Titanic for returning to the hash as a resurrected virgin since they just recovered from their leg injuries.

Anniversarians were Spectacle Testicle (5), Duck Job (25), Dirty & Hairy (50), See Dick Run (95), and French Toasted (85). I hate to whine, but the Scribe is all powerful so I’m going to whine and you aren’t going to do squat about it. I had 65 runs today and Milk Money didn’t list me. I think she should get the hashit for dissing me.

We had tons of returners. They were Bullshit, Hard Drive, Continental Drip, Neebler, Jon Wiesinger, Whine and Cheese, Snot, Turn Your Head and Cough, Little Guinea, Jennifer Besiada, K Y Belly, Foul Balls, Water Sport, Bonnie Brewer, Hasher Humper, and Spinal Tap.

We had 2 namings at this hash and to make it less chaotic, the highly intelligent mismanagement decided to go back to naming committees instead of the cluster f*ck it usually is. First up was Hymen Dickover’s youngin, Tim Foley. What a coincidence. That’s similar to Tom Foley (nerd name). We deliberated for a short spell and tossed around Burnt Lips, Blow My Crank, and Yank Me Out. He will be known throughout the world of hashing as Yank Me Out.

Next up was Barney’s Bitch who was named at the lurid, sinful, pagan, heathen White House Hash but who achieved his 6^th run with us. We decided to let him keep Barney’s Bitch.

Violators were:

Time for the hashit ceremony—

I was proudly carrying the hashit on this run—like a flag. I went into the circle to give it up (and to get rid of the hashit) and recognizing that I was soooo hot, Ranger Dick poured beer on me. Boy that came at just the right time and was so refreshing. How did he know I wanted him to do that? Hashit candidates were Milk Money and Late Cummer for embezzlement, Hawaiian Puke for creatively singing Father Abe, and Stained Sheetz for getting a speeding ticket. Milk Money was the temporary winner. It eventually got passed to Ranger Dick and then to somebody else so I lost track of who it finally went to. It’s a shame Late Cummer or Perk-A-Set aren’t writing the trash this week because they would surely have written it down and accurately reported it. I’m just a ho, what can I say? We don’t get paid to be reporters.

Finally, Hawaiian Puke called for whistle check but Ranger Dick interrupted saying the Baltimore Annapolis Hash didn’t do whistle checks. And we care because??? Whistles blared and we closed with Swing Lo. Let me point out here that chicks don’t have dicks so what are they doing during this song? That ain’t the way I masturbate.

Anyway, it was an excellent hash and a most excellent circle. I’m going to think lovingly of all of you this week and look forward to seeing you next time.

May the hash go in peace…

Love ya to pieces,

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Next Week’s Hash

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