Run: #633

Date: September 4, 1999

Hares: Milk Money, Screws Everybody, Poop Deck, Late Cummer

Location: North Pentagon, Arlington, VA

It is a grand opportunity that I have been granted: writing-up one truly outstanding trail! Never mind that I was a hare. The totally unbiased report you are about to read is a reconstruction based on accounts I overheard during the on-on-on, and my own careful observations throughout the duration of the hash.

The morning started out well when Milk Money and I, on our pre-hash safety check, were delighted to discover that someone had blown chunks within 50 feet of the start of our trail. I could not identify the contents, she thought it was Chinese food. That was all forgotten when Byte produced a check for Red Dress registration – a colorful, floral girly check on his own personal account. That check caused such a distraction that when the hares were off, Poop Deck stole my bag of flour, leaving me with one handful of the white stuff and a stick of chalk.

With the melody of Father Abe in the background, we quickly dropped a check and looped the BT around an area bordered by the GW Parkway and a high fence - the only way out was back to true trail. Our only hope of not getting snared rested on all the FRBs taking the loop. They did. Byte checked the loop, the pack followed him, and the hares sprinted across Memorial Bridge.

Thanks to his fashionable 1999 MVH3 gold tank shirt, we were able to observe Byte leading the way across the bridge with S’Not and Dr. Strangelove hot on his heels. The first half of the pack trickled over to the first water stop of the day. Traffic held the second half of the pack; 3 Times A lady did a graceful pirouette back to the sidewalk lest he become a hood ornament, Well Drilled became a temporary crossing guard. Milk Money and I watch with trepidation as Tore Ass short-cut towards the return loop of the trail, but we need not have worried. We didn’t see him again for at least half an hour, in roughly the same location, and it was due to his sporting a fashionable 1999 MVH3 gold tank shirt that we spied him.

Anyway, there we were, dispensing H2O to the thirsty hashers, when Blank Check and Dual Air Bags trotted up, grabbed cups of water and, with complete disregard for the water restrictions in effect, doused me for not having a bag of flour at the start. Where’s a water cop when you need one? I suspect that during their lap around the Tidal Basin (not on flour) they probably wished they had drunk the water instead of thrown it.

Mighty Tight, Barney’s Bitch, Have Dick Will Travel, and Pulls Out Early lingered at the water stop to chat and exchange pleasantries. In return, we rewarded them with a big secret: the first water stop was also the second water stop, which made them the FRBs!

When the pack did not return for the second water stop, Milk Money sent me out to look for them. I followed flour and pack arrows until pack arrows disappeared at the FDR Memorial Black Hole. As I made my way back to the water stop I discovered Stained Sheetz arrows going the right way, but that did not allay my fears. I did, however, see Dual Air Bags and Blank Check, thanks to her wearing a fashionable 1999 gold jog bra. They agreed that yes, the Tidal Basin was a nice place to run, and yes, including the Tidal Basin in today’s trail would have made the trail too long, and yes, they would like a ride in Milk Money’s new car.

The walkers were just leaving the water stop when we three returned. Mud Buns, a traditional runner, was with the walking pack because she "ran fifteen before the hash". Now there’s a violation, even a hashitable offense.

As it turns out, several runners had found their way back on trail, so we packed up the cups and water to which the tourists had not yet helped themselves and prepared to evacuate the area. That was when we saw some fashionable 1999 MVH3 gold tank shirts on the mall. First we set Tore Ass straight, then we retrieved Indecent Proposal and Coffee Tea or Me.

Rumor has it that one hasher who shall remain nameless (but his initials are Buddha) went all the way across the 14^th Street Bridge.

We passed one hasher after another as we drove through Rosslyn on our way to the trail’s end on Fort Myer. From the air-conditioned comfort of Milk’s car, we waved to Because He Can, Drops A Load, and Tastes Like Chalk as they made their sweaty way up a hill, then we sped by the MPs and on to the picnic grounds. Do Me Next Week and Hot Legs were just arriving with the walking contingent; Poop Deck and Screws Everybody had dogs on the grill; our timing was perfect.

Those of you who made it to Roosevelt Island can thank Poop Deck for clearing out the spider webs with his face.

Circle was called, and the four hares drank for an awesome trail! (I also ran the circle, we may need to change the club to LCH3.)

We had two visitors, courtesy of Barney's Bitch - Paul Simon (Art Garfunkel) and Deborah Simon (Mrs. Robinson); and one visitor - Larry Peters from Decatur, Jawja.

Anniversaries were Heath Wells - 5; Fuzzy Butt and Well Drilled - 15; Screws Everybody - 95; Steamer - 175; Full Metal Balls - 205; and Red Snapper - 255.

There was one naming: Just Angie Goodejohn. Since Spectacle Testicle made her cum, he was asked to give us some dirt on her, and he was useless. We did manage to find out that she is in the Navy, a med student, and plays rugby. Several names were debated, all with reference to the med student part, but the overwhelming victor was Just Cough. And when one Cough drinks, all Coughs drink, which brought Ukhugh into the circle.

For a smallish pack, there were a lot of violations. Leading off was Byte for his girly checks; Dual Air Bags, Blank Check, Coffee Tea or Me, and Indecent Proposal for autohashing; Fire & Ice for spitting tomato seeds on my hashing shoes; Rutro and the aforementioned Blank Check for acting smooshy; Hands Solo for having his car keys at the beginning of the and his daughter at the end of the trail; Buddha - running across the 14th street bridge and being an unconvincing liar about it; Full Metal Balls and Tore Ass for retirement facial hair; repeater Dual Air Bags - homeless; Just Paul ran the last 20 feet of the walker's trail; Rutro and Call Girl - comparing rocks; Dirty & Hairy - bottomed out in the Pentagon parking lot; Geisha Boy for late sign-in; Pulls Out Early for whining that the trail was too long despite getting a short cut; and finally, the owner of the sweaty T-shirt hanging from the rafters of the picnic shelter and dripping on everybody - Hands Solo once again!

By this time most hashers present had been assessed at least one down-down, so the few who thought they would get through the circle without one were called up to drink. People like Hollow Point, who likes to point out violations (thanks for the help, HP!) of his fellow hashers yet escape scot-free himself, and Red Snapper – you know she gets by with plenty of violations by schmoozing the GM!

Whistle check in the picnic shelter was something to behold. Swing Low, class dismissed.

That’s when Tropical Storm Dennis arrived. The beer was moved inside, and the band warmed up. OK, there was no band, but we still had a good time.

Special thanks to Hot Legs, Indecent Proposal, and Coffee Tea or Me for providing Port-a-Potty entertainment.

Hugs and kisses,

____________________________________________________

Next Hash

Hares: Yes Dear, Ranger Dick

Start: Park'n Hash lot, corner of Tech Road and Rt. 29, Silver Spring, Maryland

From Northern Virginia

Take inner loop of beltway across American legion bridge.

Enter Montgomery County, Maryland.

Take Exit for Route 29 North toward Columbia, which also is called Colesville Road North.

Cross University Blvd, Cross New Hampshire Ave

Quick right on Old Columbia Turnpike

Quick right into Park'n Hash lot

This run will be dog friendly and very wet, even with the drought.

Gather your camping gear and head (who said head?) down to Tidewater September 17 - 19 for Virginia's 6th Interhash. For a registration form, contact Fart Master at fartmstr@erols.com. The Saturday only price will be $40 with generic tags and gimmees while they last or $30 generic tag and no gimmees. Trail starts at 11:00 AM on Saturday, dinner served at around 5:00PM, late nite snack around 11:00 PM during karaoke. This is always a fun weekend, folks!

It's not too late to shop for a red dress, or to register for the 6th Annual DC Area Red Dress Hash. See Blank Check or Black Box for a registration form.

Don’t forget to register for Mount Vernon’s first hash of the new millennium! The MVH3 New Year’s Hash will be held – you guessed it – New Year’s Eve. This event is limited to the first 100 reservations. Registration forms are included in this week’s Trash. We won’t make fun of you even if you pay with girly checks.

Per request, the recipe for last week's Oatmeal - Peanut Butter - Chocolate Chip Cookies:

1/2 c. butter or margarine, softened

1 18 oz. jar chunky peanut butter

1 1/2 cups sugar

1 1/2 cups firmly packed brown sugar

4 large eggs

1 tsp. vanilla extract

6 cups quick-cooking oats, uncooked

1 1/2 tsp. baking soda

1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

Beat butter and peanut butter at medium speed with an electric mixer until fluffy; gradually add sugars. Add eggs and vanilla. Combine oats and baking soda; add to other mixture. Stir in chocolate chips.

Drop by tablespoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets. Bake at 350 for 10 minutes. Cool on cookie sheets 5 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely.

For the latest MVH3 information, and links to all area hashes, visit Harddrive's web page: http://patriot.net/~djk/mvh3/

If you still don't have internet access, get updates on area hashes on the hotline: (202) PUDJAM0, take option 6 for MVH3.

Hash 637 - Oct 2nd - Red Dress VI

Hash 639 - Oct 9th -

Hash 640 - Oct 16th -

Hash 641 - Oct 23rd - Roto and Harddrive

Hash 642 - Oct 30th - Halloween Hash

Joint Masters - Jaret "Yes Dear" Seiberg & Dave "Wankers Aweigh" Bertagnoli

Religious Advisor - Rich "Hawaiian Puke" Walker

Scribe/Subscribe - Carolyn "Latecomer" Sutherland & Samone "Perk-A-Set" Johnson

On-Sec - Barbara "Milk Money" Bredehoft

Hash Cash - Craig "Pudknocker" Puz

Hare Raiser - Tom "Three Times A Lady" Jones

Haberdasher/co-haberdasher - Mike "Dr Jekyll" Boyle & Heidi "Cunning Runt" Gerken

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________