I arrived at the McLean VFW Saturday afternoon to a ghoulish sight: the Grim Reaper, the Devil (in a blue dress), Lady Luck, Clara Cow and her hairy-chested milkmaid were sitting at the bar tossing back brews. It would have been enough to send me on down the road, except for the "tossing back brews" part, which convinced me to stay. I darted across the street to a 7-11 for reinforcements and chips. Shortly after my return, a Gypsy Moth fluttered in and put to work the Grim Reaper (who looked a lot like Stained Sheetz, except with two healthy legs) hauling tons of FMH3 haberdasher stuff from her car to the VFW.

Udder the directions of Clara Cow (Call Girl), that motley crew had turned the dance/party room of the VFW into a spider's web, complete with a large, well-hung spider in its midst. The mood for the evening was set.

Despite the fact that those in attendance received credit for trails for MVH3, FMH3, and WH4, registration went smoothly. OhFeelYa Butts signed in the regulars, Target Practice took their money, Steers & Queers handed out treats, and it was my job to "do the visitors and virgins". Full Metal Balls arrived in his m*rathoner costume but was heckled until he left the building and returned a few minutes later in Middle-eastern garb. He must have gone to the 7-11 across the street, too.

By 7:00, it was time for the 6:30 hash to start, and hares Stained Sheetz, Call Girl, Fuzzy Butt, and Black Box were off in a cloud of flour <--- HUGE literary license. Over 120 hashers were present (the number would surpass 150 before the witching hour), and the GMs of the three hashes responsible for this cauldron - Mount Vernon’s Yes Dear and Wankers Aweigh, Full Moon’s Black Box, and White House’s Big Bird Turd - forced the group out to the parking lot for Father 'Abe.

Soon we were off in the direction of flour, across Old Dominion, and right into the woods. Then the Unabomber and I decided that the 7-11 looked pretty inviting, and opted for a trail of our own through the 7-11 and back to camp. Either we lingered at the 7-11 much longer than I thought, or else our shortcut was not the shortest, because there was a huge contingent back at the party room, all within arms length of the beer taps.

After another forty minutes or so, a sweaty pack began to trickle in, with Dr. Strangelove (in some kind of New Yorkish costume, perhaps Hillary?) in the lead. When interviewed, he had no comment about the trail.

The only other word I have on trail was what I learned from Tommy Lee, who was so incredibly lost after not seeing flour for a couple of miles that he asked an elderly couple for directions back to the VFW at Spring Hill and Old Dominion. The gentleman decided that, since he buys his citrus fruit from the VFW every Christmas, he and his wife would just drive Tommy Lee back to it. After driving Tommy Lee around for an hour or so, the couple began to wonder if perhaps there was more than one VFW in the Washington area, but eventually found the one in McLean and dumped him out at the door.

Well Drilled circulated serving a Kahlua cream shot: a liberal squirt of whipped cream directly on the tongue chased by a jigger of Kahlua, not bad!

Food was served, circle was called, and the hares came forward to drink for their crimes. Voting took place in several categories, which I will reconstruct to the best of my memory (you want to know who won? next year elect a TALL scribe):

Best female costume: Poison Ivy, One Night Stand (Bonnie Brewer), Harem Lass (Pay Per View), and Lady Godiva (Water Sport)

Best male costume: Just Greg as Max, from "Where the Wild Things Are" or something to that effect. When pressed for details, JG admitted that there was more to the costume originally, but he wore out the other pieces at a party the previous night.

Cutest couple: Cheap Slut and Loan Shark

Most like their hash name: $50 Bitch, Ass Fault, Lady Bugger, Transparent Ds

Honorable mention (my own category for costumes as yet unmentioned in this publication):

The Blonde Avenger - Dumb Blonde; Martian - Hawaiian Puke, whose tropical print shirt matched his tropical print shorts, which would have been a violation if we had been taking violations; Hawaiian Puke - Drops A Load, (that was scary); Jingling Christmas Tree - Indecent Proposal; Galaxies - Bite Me Elmo and GBOF, who had an asteroid shooting out his butt; Knee Surgery Patient - Leave It In Beaver, oh wait, that wasn't a costume (sorry);Devil - Butt Plug; Dominatrix - Roach Motel; Hippie Chick - For Sale Or Rent; Wisconsin DMV Clerk – Looney; Spiderman - Duck Job; Killer Bee - Latin Anal-ist; Bitchin' Biker Babe – Watergate; Jester - Mighty Tight; Hunter - Mellow Foreskin Cheese (save that orange outfit for next week's trail, it's huntin' season); I could go on, but I won't.

The Gene Pool Zombies (known in hashing circles as "Corkscrewed’s band") had tuned up and was ready to perform.

Cast of Characters:

Devil (in blue dress): Steers & Queers

Lady Luck: OhFeelYa Butts

hairy-chested milkmaid: Fuzzy Butt

Gypsy Moth: Black Box

Unabomber: French Toasted

Tommy Lee: Cums in 3 Courts

You will find on pages three and four of this edition of the trash the write-up of the October 9 trail that was tragically left out of a memo I sent to scribe Perk-a-Set. I removed irrelevant announcements to minimize the inevitable whining. Now we’re current.

Gratuitous mention of the week: Yes Dear was (for letting my fondle his tentacles.

Hugs and kisses,

Late Comer

____________________________________________________

Next Hash

Date: November 13, 1999

Start: Cooper Intermediate School at 977 Balls Hill Rd, McLean, VA

Hares: Put It Out, Perk-a-Set & Late Comer (hare with the scribes for your best shot at a good write up!)

Directions: Take Beltway to Georgetown Pike exit #13. Go inbound towards Langley. First intersection is Balls Hill Rd. Turn right and school is immediately on your left. Look for crowd of wankers. Park and hash.

Dog Friendly Factor: Tough dogs can probably make it.

Stroller Difficulty Level: No frigging way.

PI Factor: You can't get PI in November, can you?

For the latest MVH3 information, and links to all area hashes, visit Harddrive's web page: http://www.dchashing.org/mvh3

If you still don't have internet access, get updates on area hashes on the hotline: (202) PUDJAM0, take option 6 for MVH3.

Hash 645 – Nov 27th – Thanksgiving Leftover Hash

Hash 646 – Dec 4^th – Needa Hare!

Register NOW for the MVH3 Millinium New Year’s Eve Party, to be held New Year’s Eve. Registration forms are on Harddrive’s website.

Get out those powder blue tuxedos and those fushia prom dresses, 'cuz Full mOOn High is having its Home Cumming Hash! Saturday, November 20 at 6:30. The party will be at Mackie's (near Mr. Day's) at 18th and L Streets. Directions soon to come.

Joint Masters - Jaret "Yes Dear" Seiberg & Dave "Wankers Aweigh" Bertagnoli

Religious Advisor - Rich "Hawaiian Puke" Walker

Scribe/Subscribe - Carolyn "Latecomer" Sutherland & Samone "Perk-A-Set" Johnson

On-Sec - Barbara "Milk Money" Bredehoft

Hash Cash - Craig "Pudknocker" Puz

Hare Raiser - Tom "Three Times A Lady" Jones

Haberdasher/co-haberdasher - Mike "Dr Jekyll" Boyle & Heidi "Cunning Runt" Gerken

____________________________________________________