It ain’t northern Virginia.

It was a beautiful day for hashing, even if it was in D.C. Hashers arrived at the start and found a parking space if they were able. Those who couldn’t parked elsewhere and got in a good warmup by running back to the start. Yes Dear called Circle Up and as has been the case recently, the gathered wankers let out a very weak Father Abe. The dogs sing better than we do!!!

Seeing as how this was the Veteran’s Day Hash, here is a tribute to our MVH3 veterans:

Full Metal Balls was in Pleiku Vietnam during 1972-1973. He once told me he left his testicles there--I confess I used to divert my eyes to a certain area of his running tights to see if there was empty space there—I felt sorry for him, such a stud with no testicles!--then I found out he had 3 kids and figured I’d been fooled! However, I do believe he took a bullet up the ass, which explains the "If it were up your ass, you’d know where it was."

Missing Link spent his early days guarding Berlin from the nasty Soviet Union.

Wankers Aweigh: "I had just been released from five weeks in the hospital - for getting shot in the shoulder - and the platoon was going out for an overnight patrol. We had two gun teams already so I was in the back of the column carrying bazooka rounds. Half way to the destination an assistant gunner stepped on a land mine so I got rid of the rockets and resumed humping M-60 ammo for the lead gunner. While we were digging in, a marine spotted a couple of VC spying on us and yelled to give chase. My M-14 was close so I grabbed it and ran after the VC. I figured we would only chase them a hundred feet or so before losing them and returning to the platoon. But they were playing cat and mouse and we had gone several hundred yards when I realized I only had a few rounds left and no ammo belt. With all the excitement I didn't realize how far we had run and thought I'd just run back and get more ammo. Being a future hasher, I got lost on the way back to the platoon. I was jogging along by myself until I spotted a hut inside a tree line surrounded by fresh punji sticks. With only five rounds and no grenades I felt just a little vulnerable. I turned around and was setting some land speed records running around looking for the platoon. They had called in artillery and a salvo sounded like it was going to land on my head so I dived into a tree line head first and almost got shot by my own guys. I took up smoking that afternoon."

Big Bird Turd was a Scout helicopter pilot during Vietnam and ended his tour when shot down (massive head injury—explains his personality):

"Since I knew I was going to Vietnam from the time I graduated from College, I thought it appropriate to volunteer and serve in an Air Cavalry Unit because they were HUNTER KILLERS, and saw LOTS of ACTION. In addition, I thought it would be nice to volunteer to be an Aerial Scout aka A FLYING TARGET. My unit, D Troop 3/5 Cavalry served in the Delta and in the DMZ. We all played hard each night and fought like hell each day, so there wasn't a lot of time for sleep; or maybe we were too SCARED to sleep!!! The highlight of each week was the ash and trash flight from Quang Tri to Da Nang. During my 4 hour lay over, I would flirt with the Donut Dollies up on the hill and the nurses at China Beach. I closed out my tour getting shot, crashing my helicopter, followed by a trip horizontally through those nurses and their evacuation hospital at China Beach. My second war (Persian Gulf) was tame."

Stained Sheetz flew about 800 hours and about 2000 sorties over Vietnam:

"Although I joined the Army for many noble sounding reasons, those reasons, both real and imagined, are not why I fought, nor are they as noble as what I found. I fought to keep the trust of those who served nearest me. Because they would, without the slightest hesitation, sacrifce for me, I would be less than contemptible if I did not keep their trust and stand by them when their need, and my abiltity, were greatest. I served in the company of heroes and heroines and am still humbled by that priviledge to this day. Better men and women than I stood between me and oblivion, and worse than oblivion - disgrace, should I fail to follow their example. I can not repay them; I can only honor them, and encourage you to do the same."

CPT Jerry L. Sheetz, D Company, 101st Aviation Bn, 101st Airbourne Division

(Airmobile) I Corps 70-71 "Hawk 16" Cobra Aircarft Commander"

Tore Ass – I’m sure those blue eyes running around in fatigues made lots of women swoon.

Cheap Slut retired from the Navy as a Captain in the oceanography community in 1992. Here’s what he has to say: "Although I joined the Navy in 1966, I did not make it to Vietnam until 1985, long after the war, while serving on the Seventh Fleet Staff. We picked up boat people from nam who had just been ravaged by Thai pirates. Fortunately we saved them all. My wars were all clandestine. My ship was the command vessel for a Battle Group off the coast of Manila during the elections and change of power in the Philippines --- a very dangerous time for that country. Both our friends and enemies knew we were there, so they behaved themselves. Also, I provided ocean structure forecasts for our subs to use to avoid detection by the bad guys and to help the good guys find the bad guys no matter where they were. Later, my focus turned to designing and building remote sensors to measure the environment. I started hashing on USS Blue Ridge and had the good fortune to hash in Japan, Korea, Hong Kong, Singapore, Malasia, and Penang. "

Dr. Strangelove and Dirty & Hairy are also veterans, but, alas, no story.

Hymen Dickover is a ghost these days but looked quite studly in his Vietnam pictures. I am assuming he got hit in the head a few times and wore a hospital gown for a long period of time, thus his desire to wear dresses.

Ruined it for Dad (whom we rarely see these days but is helping us hare on 11/13) is a Desert Storm veteran. I’m sure there was a pretty camel in there somewhere.

OK, there was a trail. Trail started in the woods, up and down hills—I was expecting all sidewalks! The walkers were leading the pack, with Black Box and Ohfeelya Butts chatting away, oblivious to the fact that a full pack was on their heels. About a half mile into the trail, the regular FRBs passed us and were off into FRB land, never to be seen again (unless you short cut, of course).

Most hashers assume at the Veteran’s Day hash, we are going to run by the Vietnam Veterans Memorial so lots of folks who usually don’t shortcut, head straight for it.

We ran down by the river and started heading toward the memorial section. That is, until we got into a pack of shortcutters, led by Late Cummer. We picked up Hairy Budha, and Latin Anal-ist and started heading back into town. We came upon what seemed like a pack of 30 walkers, who clearly had a shortcutting map. Trying to act macho, we decided to follow the trail we had now found (pretending we didn’t cut off 2 whole miles). Sure enough, after 20 minutes of FRB bliss, we heard the familiar On-On yell of Cunning Runt coming up behind us. Darn her! Sure enough, Byte Lightning was on her heels and shortly afterward, lots of fast runners came in. Of course we started running fast, like we had been just kicking ass for the past 45 minutes. Bear Near was spotted, and we all landed in front of Mr. Days.

We ate pizza and drank beer. Well, we ate pizza when they were nice enough to bring one out! Hawaiian Puke called Circle Up and we hooted and hollered for a while. Seeing as how Milk Money wasn’t there, we were all clueless as to how to do the books. So, we guessed.

We had 3 virgins but in my attempt to welcome one of them to the hash, he got scared and left. So we toasted 2. Their temporary names were Boston Bimbo and Don’t Fuck With Me.

There were 2 visiting hashers, one from Madrid and one from San Francisco.

Violations were:

1. The hares for getting snared by Poop Deck
2. Poop Deck for sleeping with his boss to get a promotion
3. Steamer for wearing a racing shirt
4. Put It Out for refusing to give the scribe his shirt
5. Byte Lightning for being dressed as the Ty-D-Bowl man
6. Bite Me Elmo for an urban environmental
7. Black Box for fashion statement
8. Big Bird Turd for dissing the chief scribe
9. Blank Check for having a birthday on November 1^st (married life must be good—he and Rutro couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Have sex before the hash from now on)
10. Hawaiian Puke for injuring himself (groin maybe?) doing yoga (not running, hiking, defending himself from a hungry lion, or using power tools, but doing YOGA)
11. Stained Sheetz for being a hare and asking directions to Mr. Days
12. Nurse Crotchet for implying some event broke a hashing rule

The November 20^th hash will be hared by Foul Balls and Water Sport in Fredericksburg. The November 27^th hash is the Thanksgiving

leftover hash. We will be providing the Turkey and it's up to hashers to supply side dishes. Please email 3X a Lady with what you are bringing for planning purposes.

On On