HoHoHares: Perk-A-Set, Hawaiian Puke, Wankers Aweigh, Yes Dear, Late Comer

Out of the house at 8:30 Saturday morning to get to the hash in McLean. New Year's resolution for 2000: must get a life. After an early round of copying the Trash at Kinkos with the Morning People (where do they come from?), I finally arrived at the start at 9:15, earlier even than Black Box. Fellow Hare Anchors Aweigh and his bride Hot Legs were snuggling in their car and invited me to join. What a warm three-some we made!

Even Harddrive was earlier than Black Box. Mellow Foreskin Cheese, her chauffeur, had been the holdup, delaying their arrival until 9:20. They joined the rest of us in examining another automobile in the parking lot: new car, new-car tags, ON ON foot sticker, whose could it be? Hmmmm. Maryland tags ruled out another new car for Milk Money (ever wonder where your hash cash goes?).

There was also a curious blob of flour in the parking lot, I mean a HUGE blob, like the Pillsbury Doughboy had been incinerated. Another mystery! What fun these early arrivers have! I asked Black Box if it was always this exciting 40 minutes before an MVH3, and she said YES, it's ALWAYS a thrill-a-minute! I may make this part of my Saturday morning ritual, at least until my New Year's resolution goes into force.

A pair of cold, wet hares arrived on the scene to solve both mysteries: Yes Dear was the obvious owner of the sports U, because he was the only one who could turn off the alarm that had been sounding for quite a while. After all, we don't like to draw attention to ourselves.

The flour blob solution turned out to be rather tragic: Yes Dear had left a bag of flour in the parking lot, and a random truck had run it down. RIP bag of flour. In a demonstration of sympathy, Lick It Off, Baby ran over it again with her new Beamer.

As the crowd assembled, Hot Legs demonstrated why she is called Hot Legs. Not only did her leggings need volume control, but oooohh the texture! She offered free feels, and soon a line formed. Wankers kept checking her out then getting back into line; I thought all that fun stuff stopped after marriage? Big Bird Turd and Cunning Runt also had "hot legs", but there were no offers to feel.

Monkey Piss finally brought my Virginia Interhash crap to me. When he shared with me the activities in which he had participated while dressed as Late Comer, I was glad the stuff could not talk. But I was glad that at least my hash goodies had had fun that weekend while I was home nursing a massive fever.

A masked hasher in colorful, Power Rangers long underwear was roaming the parking lot. Cheap Slut called it right - Willburr was back! The outfit even enabled him to join the ranks of the "hot legged", should he choose to relinquish his superpowers.

Anxious to get on to the trail, Father Abe was mui rapido. The hares left word that they would set a turkey and an eagle trail, marked by a T and an E, the rest would be up to the pack to solve. Having previewed the trail, yours truly opted to lead the walkers on an excursion through downtown McLean.

Next to the 7-11 was every hashers dream shop: consignment! And three red dresses were hanging in the window! We went in, of course, and checked out everything red. Hot Legs bought a darling Christmas sweater with shiny gold things on it. Black Box and OhFeelYa Butts found a bitchin' vixen dress that had Late Comer written all over it (black sequins with a red sequin cummerbund), so bought it to wear to the WH4 Christmas party next month.

Mellow Foreskin Cheese and Just Robert were well behaved while we shopped, so we rewarded them by cutting our shopping trip short. Outside the store, Screws Everybody, Hot Legs, and Water Sport had lured Santa and his elf to our little group to give us treats! This was turning out to be a very productive trail! Upon seeing Santa, Fly The Friendly Thighs and Drive Thru came running back to get their share of candy and check out the shopping.

Back on trail, none of us had chalk, so we had to improvise, and "screwed the trail" for REALLY late arrivers, as Pulls Out Early told us later. He and Well Drilled followed the traffic cones that we pointed in our direction, then were basically hosed for the rest of the trail. As we approached the final leg, Cork Screw'd cut us off at an intersection with his wiley shortcut. If Cork Screw'd can find a short cut, so can Pulls Out Early and Well Drilled, so I refuse to feel guilty!

Next stop: Starbucks, where Screws Everybody treated me to a much needed cuppa java. The turkey trailers were arriving when we reached the end, and were sucking down brews with the walkers and shortcutters. Milk Money was chasing down the late arrivers to get their money. Cums In 3 Courts fished his money from way down deep in his sock, adding interest of sorts to the cash. Who wants to be On Sec next year?

With Eagle trailer stragglers still arriving, circle was called. Hares Perk-A-Set, Hawaiian Puke, Wankers Aweigh, Yes Dear, Late Comer drank for a most cunning trail, one of the best trails this year (we can say that since we are all mismanagement!).

Anniversaries: Robert Zimmerman - 5; Goofy - 25; Drops a Load - 35; OhFeelYa Butts - 55; Nurse Crotchet 69; Capt. Titanic - 195; French Toasted - 200; Cork Screw'd - 205; Blank Check - 375.

Virgins were Brad Smith and Cheri Smith; there were no visitors, not even any confusion about who was a virgin and who was a visitor, which should have been a violation! Who does those violations, anyway?

Returners: Drive Thru; For Sale Or Rent; Lick It Off, Baby; Willburrr; Capt. Titanic; Blade Runner; Chappaquickdick; Standard Deviant; Robert Zimmerman.

We had one naming, or rather, one defense of name. Bullshit did a convincing job of defending his name. Or perhaps he was just bullshitting us? Regardless, he shall remain Bullshit.

We had a very solemn occasion as Black Box made her FINAL Full mOOn announcement. Then whistle check, quick Swing Low, and the pack adjourned indoors for lunch and White Elephant.

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Next Hash

Date: December 24, 1999

Time: The usual 10:00

Hares: Screws Everybody and Poop Deck

Directions: From the Beltway, take I-66 West. Take the Route 28 exit towards Centreville. At the second light, turn left onto Route 29. Turn right at the first light onto Old Centreville Road and then turn left immediately into the shopping center and park. But before you hash, stop into Green Mansion Florist to say hello to Snow Fairy and

Dribbler, our MVH3 Founders, and pick up some fresh cut flowers for your Holiday celebrations.

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For the latest MVH3 information, and links to all area hashes, visit Harddrive's web page: http://www.dchashing.org/mvh3

If you still don't have internet access, get updates on area hashes on the hotline: (202) PUDJAM0, take option 6 for MVH3.

Hash 651 – Jan 8^th – Because He Can

Hash 652 – Jan 15^th - Fire and Ice, Turn Your Head And Cough

Hash 653 – Jan 22^nd - Because He Can, Drops a Load

Money is due now for the Millennium Hash, see Milk Money for details.

MVH3 Spring Fertility Hash April 29 & 30 in Hagerstown.

Last but not least: MVH3 Online community

Joint Masters - Jaret "Yes Dear" Seiberg & Dave "Wankers Aweigh" Bertagnoli

Religious Advisor - Rich "Hawaiian Puke" Walker

Scribe/Subscribe - Carolyn "Latecomer" Sutherland & Samone "Perk-A-Set" Johnson

On-Sec - Barbara "Milk Money" Bredehoft

Hash Cash - Craig "Pudknocker" Puz

Hare Raiser - Tom "Three Times A Lady" Jones

Haberdasher/co-haberdasher - Mike "Dr Jekyll" Boyle & Heidi "Cunning Runt" Gerken

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