The hares' cars were at the stop, as were Milk Money and Drops A Load during my first orbit. By the time I landed, Black Box, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Pud Nocker, and Nurse Crotchet had already signed in. At 9:30 it was still a bit on the chilly side, so Nurse Crotchet was in her car with the engine running, the heat cranking, and the doors locked to prevent the heat from escaping.

Harddrive was next, still tipsy from the previous night's office Christmas party; then Stained Sheetz, still tipsy from holiday shopping. "This is the only time of year you can give a gift and piss someone off," he observed, and I had to agree.

Hare Yank Me Out wandered by, and confided that he had just gotten lost on his own trail. Oh the gloom that foretold! Later, I shared that statement twenty minutes into the effort to solve the third check, and was nearly cut down before my time.

Black Box soon pulled out her white box of Full mOOn pants and set up shop, doing a brisk business on the chilly morn. Her tenure as FMH3 Grand Mattress had ended the night before, but she just couldn't let go! Her service did, however, enable some hashers to start their Christmas shopping. We all know what Mrs. Captain Titanic will get this year!

Black Box had also brought along a bag of chocolate candies, which Cheap Slut advertised as containing Viagra. I had already eaten two of the things, so I became curious as to the effect they would have on me.

Missing Link and his significant other, Full Metal Balls, ploughed through the crowd in ML's most recent auto. ML had better watch out, I think FMB is two-timing him, 'cause I saw him sporting a pair of personalized "MBOYLE" shoes.

Numerous hashers were observed emerging from nearby woods alone, which means only one thing - the Perk-A-Set syndrome had hit the pack. We haven't seen much of her lately, she's probably doing community service for all those tickets she has amassed in the past month. Did anyone notice that her registration expired in August? I didn't. I haven't even seen her in the restroom at work, our usual meeting place. I did see her at a meeting last week - she did a presentation for our division, and I kept expecting her to flash, just from force of habit.

Finally, when the bag wagon was bulging beyond capacity, we FA'd and started walking. Trail started down the street, along Rock Creek, by some nice houses and curious homeowners. From far behind us, Hawaiian Puke, still trying to close the door to the bag van, called "running" and we were sort of off.

An early check sent us checking further up Rock Creek. Spying a cluster of runners on the far side of the creek, we assumed they were hashers and screamed RU several times, but they only stared in response. Fakes! It was a BT, anyway.

Back to the check, we climbed an embankment to a cluster of apartment buildings and another check. The Naval Observatory was just above us, so naturally we scrambled through some brush, up a hill, and went right along the fence - all with total absence of flour. We met Cunning Runt, Dr. Jekyll, and Because He Can steaming toward us, reporting that there was no flour in that direction. We dove out of their way, then rose and followed them back down the hill to the check.

Taking a different tack, we found a flour arrow leading us around a curve, then a "ML X" - translation Missing Link BT. Nonetheless, we crossed the street, still no flour, and regrouped. Tastes Like Chalk sat at picnic table to contemplate life; Big Bird Turd and Just Luis had a moment of loud public sex, and a pair from the visitor/virgin combo (keep reading) was observed in a moment of tenderness and urged to get a room.

While BBT and Just Luis relaxed with a cigarette, the rest of us gave up and went back to the Naval Observatory and right along the fence. There was still no flour, but the long check had provided latecomer French Toasted the opportunity to catch up with us. It's a wonder he hadn't solved the trail already.

The pack continued blindly along until we finally found white powder in front of the British Embassy. It could have come from their wigs, but it had been so long since we had seen flour that we could not tell the difference.

Stained Sheetz and I crossed a major street and caught the pack returning from a back check. Sharing a lone chalk baton between them, Dr. Jekyll executed an excellent handoff to Lazee Mother Fucker who proceeded to miss the turn down that led down a hill and into the woods. LMF made up time by rolling down the hill and clearing the briars for the rest of us.

The pack disappeared up the street, leaving Mellow Foreskin Cheese and his harem - Screws Everybody, Milk Money, Does It For Free, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Tits Ahoy, Bavarian Bush, and myself - to depend on their marking. We jogged along for a bit, following Poop Deck's rainbow chalk, until the arrows pointed down hill for what appeared to be a jaunt through Rock Creek Park. Milk Money and Bavarian Bush opted to follow chalk, the rest of us decided to Zen our way to the end. We ran a bit (yes, MFC RAN!), turned right at the black squirrel, went quickly past the man with a note on his butt, then left at Chelsea's alma matter.

MFC announced that Ick Liebe Dick lived in this neighborhood and he was sure she had beer, and we were following him to her house for an impromptu beer stop when WE SAW FLOUR! Not the first of the day, but damn close. Trail took us to the home of Ick Liebe Dick's neighbor - Well Drilled Dry Hole - and the end of what we think was the trail. Woodley Park just may be the next Hash Neighborhood!

From inside WDDH's house we could hear music, live music, from a piano. This is no chopsticks I'm talking about, although Capt. Titanic did try his hand at the old favorite. No, this was James Bondage displaying real talent, way too much talent for a hasher. She was playing standing up due to the bench being used as our hash lunch table, so Monkey Piss gallantly offered up his body as a bench - albeit a sweaty one.

After seeing Tastes Like Chalk eating a combo ham and mustard on a blueberry bagel, Hawaiian Puke acknowledged that the situation was not going to improve, so he called up the circle.

First were the hares for their splendid trail. Then the hares drank again for not leaving enough flour for us to find their trail. I see hashit in their future.

Next up were anniversaries: Lazee Mother Fucker and Sheri Baxter - 5; Does It For Free - 25; Bramble Bush - 65; MFC - 69; Bavarian Bush - 275; and Missing Link - 515.

There was a visitor/virgin combo/mixup, I think the two groups were interchangeable. Eventually HP made an executive decision, they all drank. Virgins: Kelly Turner and Erica Larraro. Visitors: Pete Tuttle, Chris Hall, Luis Rosello, and Sticky Thumbs.

After advising the virgin/visitor combo that hashing is a lot like this, only we use flour, HP called returners: Mach 6, Jag Queen, Tits Ahoy, Does It For Free, Mud Buns, and Bad Bitch.

We had a couple of namings today for Jag Queen and Alan Neece. Jag Queen splendidly defended his name, with tales of Red Dress Hash and Recovery Hash; when we woke up, we agreed he could keep his name, despite the ever-helpful Sticky Thumbs pointing out that JQ had spooge on his chin. Alan Neece was invisible at the time, so his naming was postponed until he reappears (which gives us PLENTY of material to work with).

Violations: Nurse Crotchet - blatantly hogging the heat; Well Drilled Dry Hole - had to be reminded last night that she was a hare for today; Yank Me Out - lost on his own trail; Big Bird Turd and Just Luis - sex on trail; Environmentals - Just Alan and Just Erica; Dr. Jekyll and Lazee Mother Fucker - relay r*cing; Missing Link - missing Beazer; Loan Shark - auto hashing; James Bondage - having too much talent for a hasher; Mud Buns - fashion statement; Digby - sniffing my Killer Bee Bunny's (gift from BBT) butt, and drinking for Digby, his person Just Pete; Full Metal Balls - impersonating Mike Boyle; French Toasted - impersonating Late Comer; and (under much pressure from Milk Money) me, Late Comer - impersonating Black Box.

Somewhere between the Omni Shoreham and WDDH's house, Blank Check had transformed the hashit into the "Hashit Kit" - most memorabilia had been separated from the tool, but he had managed to keep enough of the crap to avoid detection. So Blank Check came forward with the Hashit Kit and a nomination. At the previous evening's Full mOOn hash, during the announcements part, directions for today's MVH3 were requested. It was pointed out that a hare (Well Drilled Dry Hole) was present, so she was called upon to share directions, to which she replied "Me? I'm a hare?" 'Nuf said. Then Lazee Mother Fucker proceeded to show WDDH how to drink the beer from between the legs of Hashit Barbie, which was a first for the MVH3 circle but expect it was just another in the series for LMF.

May the hash go in peace and to all a good night. Merry Christmas!

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Next Hash

Date: January 1, 2000

Hares: Dr. Strangelove, Wankers Aweigh

Location: 10970 Rice Field Place, Fairfax

Beltway to Braddock Road going west - that's exit 5

Go about 2 miles to Burke Lake Road go left

Go about 5 miles on Burke Lake, then right on Fairfax County Pkwy

Go about 1.5 miles, then left on Fred's Oak Road (just before Ox) - there is no light at Fred's Oak.

Go right at the T onto Sydney, then the first left onto Rice Field Place.

For the latest MVH3 information, and links to all area hashes, visit Harddrive's web page: http://www.dchashing.org/mvh3

If you still don't have internet access, get updates on area hashes on the hotline: (202) PUDJAM0, take option 6 for MVH3.

Hash 652 – Jan 15^th - Fire and Ice, Turn Your Head And Cough

Hash 653 – Jan 22^nd - Because He Can, Drops a Load

Hash 654 – Jan 29^th – Cheap Slut, Loan Shark

There WILL be a hash January 1, 2000, at the usual 10:00 AM. I’m not sure where it starts, only that it will start with a rubber chicken trick.

MVH3 is holding the Spring Fertility Hash April 29 & 30 in Hagerstown, MD. More information as the event approaches.

The White House H3 Christmas Party will be Saturday, Jan. 22, 7:00 PM – midnight. For a registration form, see Big Bird Turd.

Joint Masters - Jaret "Yes Dear" Seiberg & Dave "Wankers Aweigh" Bertagnoli

Religious Advisor - Rich "Hawaiian Puke" Walker

Scribe/Subscribe - Carolyn "Latecomer" Sutherland & Samone "Perk-A-Set" Johnson

On-Sec - Barbara "Milk Money" Bredehoft

Hash Cash - Craig "Pudknocker" Puz

Hare Raiser - Tom "Three Times A Lady" Jones

Haberdasher/co-haberdasher - Mike "Dr Jekyll" Boyle & Heidi "Cunning Runt" Gerken

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