What a fffffrrrrriiiiggggiiiiiddddd day for a hash.

We arrived in the parking lot of Washington and Lee High School to see all our hashing buddies anxiously awaiting the start of the Father Abe. Some were not recognizable since they were so bundled up, the other nuggets were dressed like they were summer hashing—Put It Out—you know, you saw em too. And we had the trench coat crowd—Fussy Bitch, for example. Everybody was surprised to see the long time absentees See Dick Run and Hollow Point. Hanging out with a chick 20 years younger than him must sap all See Dick Run’s strength so that he doesn’t have the energy to hash on Saturday mornings? Also hanging around was some homeless man, who amazingly enough, seemed to know everybody and even appeared to be hanging out with Fire and Ice, one of the hares. I saw him at the end too serving soup.

Anyway, other than an awful (scary) lot of White House Wankers, the typical group of misfits was assembled.

Hawaiian Puke called Circle Up and we gathered for Father Abraham. Where did all those dawgs come from? Let’s have a Korean hash and eat them afterwards……Beazer was standing in front of me and maybe I wasn’t singing well because he sure was howling. Apparently, our non-melodious tune didn’t sit right with Yes Dear because he seemed to be making his way around the circle coaching folks on their singing. Finally, to the relief of the dogs, we finished and our Religious Advisor called "walking". Hey, don’t you know what "walking" means? It means off we go a-walking, not a-running. Some of the hashers must not be up on their hash manners (oxymoron), since they took off running when Puke called "walking".

I never hear anybody call "running" amidst the mayhem, so I took off like a snail out of hell. The FRBs took off like bats out of hell and I will assume that motley pack included Byte Lightning, Dr. Jekyll, French Toasted, Wankers Aweigh, Great Balls of Fire, and Late Cummer (it pays to be a scribe). Close on their heels were the almost FRBs--Ranger Dick, Put It Out and Latin Anal-ist (it pays to be a friend of the scribe). Nowhere to be seen were Missing Link, Beazer, Quick Drawers and Full Metal Balls since they had already made it to Rosslyn while looking for the mother of all shortcuts.

We ran down the first neighborhood street, and I thought I recognized Put It Out’s house. Sure enough, it was his house so I was curious as to why he drove to the start? We ran to the top of a hill only to see the FRB’s coming back toward us. We checked downhill only to find a BT so trail went off through parking lots on our left where we saw the walkers already deciphering the trail. I joined Dangerously Close for a short time before heading off to join the pack.

After a mile or 2, it dawned on me that the trail might be ending at Tore Ass and Fire and Ice’s house. I quickly inquired as to where we were in relation to Glebe Road. Once I discovered our general location, I decided to try a shortcut. While running down Glebe Road, I came upon Hymen Dickover and he assured me my shortcut would work so off Iwent. When I got to the intersection of Glebe and Washington, I felt guilty so decided to try running the trail backwards to find the pack. During all this shortcutting, I am constantly running into other hashers appearing from various neighborhood streets on their shortcutting endeavors. Finally, I overshoot the trail and a large pack of runners shows up ahead of me. I run to join them but they are moving too fast.

As I was wandering around trying to figure out where the trail came from, I ran into Monkey Piss, Def Lesbian, Mighty Tight, and a bunch of other people who I don’t remember. Monkey Piss, Def Lesbian, and I skipped across Washington Boulevard while singing the Wizard of Oz tune, annoying those in the cars around us. While we were following true trail just short of the end, we spied Dr. Jekyll and Byte running down Washington Boulevard—not on true trail but SHORTCUTTING, I might add.

True trail went under the Comfort Inn, through a parking garage, up steps and out again into an Arlington neighborhood just shy of the finish. Finally, a hare’s arrow pointed us into Tore Ass’ yard where we joined the waiting wankers.

After a cold January run, nothing could have tasted better than hot, chicken/vegetable chili soup. We downed it with sodas and beer and chatted with our buddies until Cicle Up was finally called.

We had 6 virgins. They were Tina Hewitt, Elizabeth Kane, Tony Tanero, Diane Gabor, Suzanne Rathuey, and Kimberly Music.

The 3 visiting hashers were Caroline Godbey, Chris Houghton, and Somebody Vlesinger.

Anniversarians were Jen Marquardt (5), Bite Me Elmo (55),

Yes Dear (155),

Slip Knot (165),

Poop Deck (385),

Dr. Jekyll (325), and

Stained Sheetz with 445 RUNS.

Where have all these people been? Returners were No Class, Turn Your Head and Cough, S’Not, Debutwat (great name), Big Friggin Dick, BAB, Jag Queen, Rob Long, Speedy Edie, Oil of Nolay, Robert Zimmerman, Barney’s Bitch, Fussy Bitch, See Dick Run, Bite Me Elmo, GBOF, Ohfeelya Butts, Hollow Point, and Family Jewels.

We had 4 namings. First up was Jesus Ramirez. All we know about him is that he is an Army helicopter pilot and he has that cool hispanic first name. So, we named him Second Cumming. Next was Brad Smith. He was named Penis.cum at last week’s WH4, so we let him keep it. Then we had a great opportunity since our next guy up works in the meat inspection service. Cool. So, we named him Pork Me, the Other White Meat. Allen Neece was named Def Lesbian at WH4 because his favorite band is Def Leppard and the only sign language he has taught his buddies is the sign for "lesbian". We let him keep it.

Violations were:

1. Put It Out for driving to the hash start even though he lives less than 1 block away
2. KY Belly for bringing his dog and both of them wearing tartan plaid garments—if you want to wear plaid, wear a kilt and no underwear
3. Hawaiian Puke for making up that stupid song that he sang all by himself at the beginning of the circle (keep your day job, my friend)
4. GBOF for knowing the names of professional wrestlers
5. Blank Check for having on the loudest, ugliest pair of running tights I’ve ever seen
6. Fussy Bitch for having a cum spot on her coat
7. Def Lesbian for getting lost on the way to last week’s MVH3 and showing up at the start at 1:00
8. Hollow Point for not being able to recognize true trail
9. The hares for serving fat free oreos

Wankers Aweigh who carried the Hashit proudly, like a flag, chose not to speak—or was instructed by Hot Legs not to speak, don’t know which. Anyway, nominations included Hawaiian Puke for forgetting the name of his hash, Perk-A-Set for some made up false accusation, and some other folks. Hawaiian Puke got it because he deserved it. Something bizarre happened and I ended up with it though.

We sang Swing Lo, and were off (our rockers) for another week….

By the way, the next Full Moon Hash will be this cumming Friday (1/28/00) at the Fairfax Hunt Club. Come get hunted.

On On,