There were quite a few D.C. area hashers who decided to ignore the possibility of slipping on ice, lung injury from breathing –15 degree air, and the flu to come out and hash on a very chilly, icy, windy Saturday morning.

Seeing as how I arrived late, the pack had finished Father Abraham and were heading out to find trail. I was joined by Def Lesbian, another late sign-in. I spied the walkers going down a path with Black Box bopping along in an awfully color coordinated outfit for such weather.

The first thing the hares said to me was that they figured out a trail the morning of the hash and that it was only 2 miles long. I have to call bullshit on that one. I ran farther than 2 miles and with every step kept saying to myself , "3X said it was only 2 miles".

We ran through a parking lot—I do not know the Reston area’s word for 18-parking-lots-made-into-one – how about that planned community atmosphere? Cheap Slut and I wandered around the parking lot looking for trail and finally found it. Somehow, I thought we were ahead of the pack (ahead? Who said a head?) Then, I saw a Quick Drawers mark and realized we in fact were behind the pack. Nevertheless, we followed trail quite easily through parking lot, after parking lot and finally down a long, curved road. That was a 2 mile run down that road without the rest of the trail! I kept thinking we ran here this summer and 3X’ house was somewhere around here so we must be almost at the finish. Since I was carrying the hashit, and a really ugly, battered doll was attached to it, all the Reston citizens who passed by me thought I had escaped from the psycho-bin.

Going downhill on this long road and across a small bridge, I realized I had not seen flour for a while. Even though it was cold, running by the frozen lake was quite a treat. The world looks great in this weather. OK I got that female stuff out of the way….Since everything was frozen solid (without footprints) except for the trail I was on, I figured there was no place else to run but was getting less than confident that I was on true trail. I stopped and asked a man if he had seen a pack of runners and he said I was about the 10^th person who asked him that. Therefore, I knew I was on the right trail. Cheap Slut took off and left – I guess being a male, he could not even stand by while I asked for directions…

Put It Out and 14 Carat Cock joined me on trail and I told them we were almost at the end. Then, we get to another lake area of Reston and I’m thinking, "well, trail will be over right after we run around this lake". As we were running by the coffee shops and used bookstores, I passed an Asian woman who checked out my toilet bowl plunger with battered doll attached and got out of my way. As we were running by a coffee shop, hashers quite naturally start thinking "keep running? Or go into the coffee shop?" Realizing I had no money, I kept running.

Finally, I saw BEER NEAR! Before the entrance to the townhouse, I was greeted by Luci and Beazer. Luci was wearing a lovely polar fleece jacket. Beazer was sitting in the snow howling because I assume his butt was cold. When I went into Three Timmies townhouse, instead of the "you must be cold, tired, and hungry" greeting I was expecting when I opened the door, Dr. Jekyll said "What took you so long?" Easy for him to say. I’ll just have to make sure I make him eat my dust one of these days…he’ll be surprised when I make him chase me to keep up –maybe when he’s 90….

The cold took its toll. The assembled wankers hanging out eating, waiting for the circle to start looked scary. I guess that’s how you look if you’re sent to Siberia for hard labor.

After a cold, icy January run, nothing could have tasted better than hot, homemade soup. But, we had sandwiches instead ;-) Before I could eat mine, Hawaiian Puke and Yes Dear called Circle Up. I told them I hadn’t eaten yet, so they yelled "Circle Up" again. That was not the idea.

Fortunately, I was the only virgin today. I was glad because I didn’t have the mental energy to think of swell temporary names.

The only person crazy enough to dig themselves out of the snow and try to break an ankle while visiting with us was Love Canal.

Anniversarians were Mary Ellen Gonyea (sounds like Gonorrhea – I’m sure she has heard that stupid joke her whole life ;-) (5),

Indecent Proposal (69), and

Poop Deck (288).

Now if you’ll get out last week’s Hash Trash, you’ll see that Poop Deck was an anniversarian and he drank for 385 runs. What’s up here? Is Milk Money working some deal under the table with him? I suggest the Hashit.

Returners were Bump & Gump, Hare Pie, Loose Seal, Lobster Lips, Marry Ellen Gonyea, The Hasher Formerly Known as Prince, Dual Air Bags, and Rutro.

There was a small crowd and we were only tortured with one naming. Jen Marquardt was named Ivy Licker at the WH4 due to her pierced tongue—must be kin to Pussy Whipped. Some cat scratching went on between Ivy Licker and other hashers but since I missed the excitement, I cannot report on it.

Violations were:

1. Loan Shark and Poop Deck for dissing the scribes
2. Hawaiian Puke for the bad weather
3. Looseal Bald and Nurse Crotchet for being graduates of the Kennedy/Sonny Bono School of Skiing
4. Perk-A-Set for environmentals
5. Blank Check for having on the loudest, ugliest pair of running tights we’ve ever seen (again) and it’s not the same pair he wore last week
6. Full Metal Balls for trying to warm Late Cummer’s face by putting it down his pants

The hashit (me) did not wish to speak after having been traumatized for being jeered at because I was carrying a toilet plunger with a battered barbie doll in front of a planned community’s children. Somehow, I was nominated for it for 1 more week. Mellow Foreskin Cheese and Poop Deck were also nominated and Mellow Foreskin Cheese gets to carry it.

We sang a pathetically off key version of Swing Low and braved the elements once again to get to our cars.

On the way out, Cunning Runt stuck her head in the door to ask if we’d seen Dr. Jekyll. Knowing that he left with Full Metal Balls, we all looked at each other nervously and said we’d tell him she was walking home….the woman is always the last to know….

Another excellent hash.

Hares: Blank Check, 14 Karat Cock, and Byte Me Elmo

Directions: Take I-95 south into Prince William County.

Exit north (to the right) toward Mananssas/Montclair on Route 234 (exit 152)

Go past the traffic light at the entrance to Montclair and about ½ mile later turn left into Washington-Lee Elementary School.

Park and Hash.

Notes: Overflow parking across Route 234 at Patty Elementary School.

Very dog friendly.

Stroller unfriendly.

By the way, the next Full Moon Hash will be tonight at the Fairfax Hunt Club. Come get hunted.

On On,