I guess Number 2 didn’t need any candy to put a big smile on his face. He seemed quite elated telling Mighty Tite about the hot tub party he had at “his” place a week ago (come on – hasn’t anything else exciting happened to you this week). I heard him proudly list off all the tits he had seen naked (PimpMe LongSucking, Ivy Licker, Well Drilled, and Tipper Whipper) – like he had personally undressed them or something. (Is that a hot pepper in your pocket or are you just excited to see Mighty Tight?) #2 seemed most proud of the fact that he had been living with Well Drilled now for many months and he had finally gotten to see her in all her glory. As I heard him give his own personal little perspective on each harriette, I realized that I was in that hot tub too and, gosh dangit, he had yet to mention me! I guess my one tit just wasn’t impressive enough for him.
I then sauntered up to this very normally-dressed man to introduce myself and soon discovered Big Bird Turd dressed very unexcitingly in just a t-shirt and plain ‘ol shorts. Before I even finished expressing my disgust in his lack of effort in dressing this morning, he was soon living up to his image and peeling off his very boring attire down to the bone. I know it’s the Cinco de Mayo tradition to burst open the little mexican donkey full of candy but I didn’t exactly want to burst this little donkey – I know what this one is full of. My spontaneous reflexes turned my cranium to look the other way and I heard Cunning Runt proclaim, “That’s my perfect man!”
Slowly, Late Comer and Hawaiian Puke tried to bring the circle to a start, but it was such a nice morning, that no one was paying attention. Because He Can voiced his very candid opinion, “Heck, this mismanagement is as bad as the last.” Why, thank you. Thank you very much.
Soon, Late Comer announced that she was blowing Puke. Wait a minute, that’s not how it went. She announced that she was wetting his whistle. No, wait, that’s not quite it either. She was whistling on his blower. Aaaaanyway, soon we were all well into Father Abraham and listening to Dr. Jekyll bitch about how singing Father Abraham was too much effort for him this morning and could he just pull on Put It Out’s joy ring instead. Which made Ranger Dick rather jealous as his nipples are much bigger than PIO’s and he was sure he would be more pleasurable for DJ.
The first half of the trail was marked by the under-dressed and the over-dressed. As Cheap Slut cruised by (boy, I must be really sick if CS is leaving me in the dust) he gave us his best Miss America-style moon. Ok, Slut – just because you were bummed out that you didn’t get voted May Queen does not mean that you need to show us your bum. Not long after, I see KY Belly emerging from the woods wearing a big hunkin’ sweatshirt and dark flannel pants (with no holes) and telling Put It Out that “it’s even hotter in here.” When we FINALLY got to the runner/walker split, there was some grungy-looking old guy pointing the walkers to the left and the runners up the hill to the right. How considerate of the hares to leave an interactive hash check.
As we all mingled in some hashers back yard (which very appropriately had lots of shade), there were plenty of eats – for all except the walkers. By the time they arrived, almost all of the vittles had been eaten. I’m sure a lot of that had to do with the fact that See Dick Run was devouring plates of salad so large he could hide behind it – and he was piling on the oreos like they were croutons. The popsicles were certainly a nice touch for the day’s heat. I heard Hollow Point comment to Blank Check, “These are soooo good. I could suck on this all day.” I wonder why they took their popsicles with them into the bathroom with each other, though.
The new MVH3 sarongs were out in full force this morning being modeled by the recent AGM alums. As Hawaiian Puke did his Cindy Crawford imitation and demonstrated to us how free-flowing and unrestrictive the sarongs are, Mighty Tight just couldn’t be convinced to buy one. He said that “it’s no fun to spread em if they’re all wrinkly.” Put It Out informed us all that “he doesn’t do sa-rongs.” Well, let me tell you, anytime you want to show me how you do it “so-right” you just let me know, babe.
The circle was off to a very slow and unattentive start. The hares were called up to drink – well, three of the hares were pulled up. Supposedly, Lady Bugger had to leave early. The crowd was none too interested as I think there were a whole three people singing – and Hawaiian Puke was trying so hard to gain enthusiasm. His song went something like, “Here’s to the hares, come on guys, there true blue, sing with me, they are hashers, come on guys, through and through…” Thus, we continued on…
Virgins
Just Tom, Leave It in Beaver, “Nice Lighthouse”
Just Lauren, Just Michelle, “On the Left Side”
Just Barbara, Whore Moan, “Cinderella”
Just Michelle, Just Lauren, “Dual Virgin Coming”
Visitors – Bolo Head Rat was our solo visitor for the day, but of course he didn’t drink alone. Dr. Jekyll and Put It Out were yet again in another lover’s quarrel over whose tits were better. Cunning Runt soon joined them as she announced “I don’t need their stinkin’ tits!”
Returners – Lady Bugger (the hare who made the early exit) was the only returner, so Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Nurse Crotchet and Number 2 were made to drink in her place because the crowd would have rather seen them leave early instead.
Anal-versaries – Bramble Bush 75, Black Box 145, Mud Buns 200, Poop Deck 300, Dr. Jekyll 335, and Cheap Slut 505.
Violations – Fly the Friendly Thighs for wearing a racing hat; Three times a Lady for having a new car, Bramble Bush for saying she will only buy a new car if it has a big key, Cunning Runt for taking a Number 2 in the woods, Number 2 for letting CR take him into the woods, Whore Moans and Milk Money for exchanging recipes, French Toasted for racing, See Dick Run for whining there wasn’t enough flour on trail, Hawaiian Puke for covering up his legs under the new MVH3 sarong, and Dr. Jekyll for having a birthday this week. Milk Money was brought up for a special violation as today was her birthday. (No wonder her classmates had a slumber party for her last night.)
Hashit – nominations included Tore Ass since he was the previous owner,
Blazing Straddle for whining that the *un was only 35 minutes long, Well
Drilled for forgetting the haberdasher stuff, and Black Box for prioritizing
sex over hashing (sounds like good priorities to me). And, I actually
can’t remember who won the hashit, so I’m giving it in word to Hawaiian
Puke because he is enjoying his new power as JM WAY TOO MUCH.
ONe Tit ONly
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Next Hash
Date: #671, May 20, 2000
Hares: Mud Buns & Penalty Strokes
D-erections: Camelot Elementary School, Fairfax, VA
-from the 66, go south on 495; from the 395 go north on 495
--going south on I-495, take Gallows exit 7, the exit forks - take
left fork & cross over Gallows at light, left onto Access Rd to gas
station & 7-11, Right onto Holly, it will turn into King Arthur Blvd.,
Right on Saxony, Right on Gwenevere, school at end of street
--Going north on I-495, Gallows exit (hospital exit), stay in left
lane, left on Gallows, left at Woodburn (next light), left onto Access
Rd, follow directions above
--pretty much stroller & dog friendly; probably PI, maybe bring
dry shoes
Receding Hareline:
Hash 673 – May 27th – Killer B Hash
Hash 674 – June 3rd – need hares
Hash 675 – June 10th – Pay per View
Hash 676 –June 17th – need hares
For the latest MVH3 information, and links to all area hashes, visit
Harddrive's web page: http://www.dchashing.org/mvh3
If you still don't have internet access, get updates on area hashes
on the hotline: (202) PUDJAM0, take option 6 for MVH3.
Mismanagement:
Joint Masters – “Hawaiian Puke” and “Late Comer”
Religious Advisor – “Dual Air Bags”
Scribe/Subscribe – “Blazing Straddle” and
“ONe Tit ONly”
Hash Register – “Black Box”
Hash Cash – “Pointless”
Hare Raiser – “Hollow Point”
Haberdasher – “Well Drilled Dry Hole”
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