Everyone seemed quite thankful for the numerous stream crossings because of the heat.  Just Sheryll got a little too “in to” the water thing, though.  The jungle heat was really infecting all the hashers and Just Sheryll must have thought she was Jane as she played around in the water starting her own wet t-shirt contest.  It wasn’t just the heat that was making this a jungle hash – it was also the thick and tall foliage that was as tall as some hashers.  Actually, Milk Money disappeared somewhere in that big field of overgrown swamp grass – just like Shoeless Joe disappeared into that corn field in Field of Dreams – she could be on trail somewhere in Iowa right now.

After the fourth river crossing, I looked up and saw an “ant-like” trail of hashers making their way up this black diamond level incline.  Just as I was about to reach the top, I looked up to see Hawaiian Puke looking down upon his little hash-lings like he was about to give the Sermon on the Mount.  But, then he let out this ear-wrenching yodel-like sound & started beating his chest like Tarzan.  Pay Per View had to volunteer her body to be sacrificed as a virgin in order to shut HP up.

As I reached the ON-IN, I discovered Dr. Jekyll sitting on the sprinkler-head & apparently getting quite a thrill because I heard him say fondly, “I remember sex.”  Since DJ hasn’t gotten any in awhile, it couldn’t have been he that Lazy Mother F*cker was having sex on trail with.  And, I have no doubts LMF was doing something a lot more fun than the rest of us hashers as he had very animalistic scratches all over his back.  I simulated with him to re-enact the “act” & my Colombo-like tactics determined that they were indeed fingernail scratches.  I do recall LMF making Bite Me Elmo utter some very orgasmic sounds.  But, I also heard Mighty Tite bragging that he gave LMF a hard-on – but nobody could tell to prove it.

The circle was called to start by our new RA, Dual Air Bags, who has been MIA for months now.  Not only did the hares have to drink for that bitch of a trail several times, DAB made the bitches drink the crappy, non-alcoholic Old Milwaukee cans of beer they supplied for their down-down.  And, they had to drink from the rubber chickens, which actually probably enhanced the flavor of Ol’ Milwaukrap.  Then, we proceeded to anal-verseries, skipping right over the virgins – how long have you been hashing DAB?

Anal-verseries were:  Just Danielle with 5 (Yes, Dear tied her up), JAG Queen and myself with 15, Cums in 3 Courts 45, and Blank Check as lead loser with 395.

Finally, the Virgins were called out.  Virgins, Stage 1 consisted of Just Cheryll (our jungle Jane) and her Tarzan, Just Mel, who were related in some way to each other having the same last name.  Then, skipping to Act 4 of this madness, the returners were called to center stage – Bull Shit, Watergate, Premature Evacuation, Lazy Mother F*cker, Cym-by-ya, TipHer WhipHer, Just Danielle, NecroFeelMyAss, Tastes Like Chalk, and our long lost RA, Dual Air Bags.

OK, now back to the previously scheduled Virgins, Stage 2 included Just Katie who was brought by MicroSoft.  She missed the first call for virgins, because of something about swinging on some vines with Wankers Aweigh – so, he was called out to drink, too.  And, when one GM drinks all GM’s drink, which lead to all bitches drinking, all hares drinking….

Violations:
The Hares – for those really f*ucked up directions (to start, you CANNOT turn left on Fullerton)
Put It Out – for hanging his keys on his nipple ring (you’re a medical para-professional, heard of being sanitary?)
Just Michelle – for having taste and not letting Dr. Jekyll feel her up
Nippleless Cage – bitching and whining about the short trail
Road Map – cell phone on trail
Ranger Dick – was unanimously voted the hasher most needing to get laid for talking up every harriette
Quick Drawers – flood violation (left his car windows open & the sprinklers went on)
Just Sheryl – soloing on a wet t-shirt contest
Dr. Jekyll – using the sprinklers as a bidet
Cheap Slut – checking out the tatooed harriettes
Big Bird Turd – taking off his shoes before crossing the streams

After a round of drinking for all those late sign-in hashers involved in the auto hash, Black Box – the current Hashit owner – was called up.  Nominations included the hares for the dyslexic directions and Missing Link (in absentia) for not hashing today because he was getting married.  Since ML’s lover, Full Metal Balls, was also not present, the next oldest hasher had to accept the nomination.  So, Cheap Slut took the proxy nomination, but actually received the Hashit for being the oldest SOB alive.

Just about as the circle was cuming to a close, Slip Knot struts in after FINALLY finishing the trail.  I guess he was still out there on trail looking for Milk Money in that tall grass.  Pointless provided us with some equally pointless announcement and sang us some Clinton bashing hashing song.  And, then the hares were re-awarded the Hashit because there were no Oreos.  I guess Quick Drawers, doing his Ron Ely impression, must have swung through on his vine earlier and snatched all the oreos away and that’s why he snuck out from the hash so early.
ONe  tit  ONly
For the latest MVH3 information, and links to all area hashes, visit Harddrive's web page:  http://www.dchashing.org/mvh3
If you still don't have internet access, get updates on area hashes on the hotline:  (202) PUDJAM0, take option 6 for MVH3.
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Next Hash
Date: May 27, 2000  –  The Killer ‘B’ Hash

Hares: – Starring the Queen B herself, “Black Box”, with supporting hares of Big Bird Turd, Bramble Bush, Bavarian Bush, Barney's Bitch & Bad Bitch

Start: The Queen B's hive in North Arlington: 3330 N. Kensington Street

D-erections:
From Alexandria or South Arlington:
Take George Mason Drive north & cross Lee Highway.  Go about 4-5 blocks, at the stop sign, turn left onto Yorktown Blvd.  Go to the bottom of second hill & turn right on Kensington.  3330 is at the top of the street on the left.

From Maryland or points west in Virginia:  Beltway to Route 66 East.  Exit at 1st Arlington exit, Westmoreland St.  At stop sign, turn left on Westmoreland.  Go about 2-3 blocks to traffic light, turn right on Williamsburg.  Go another 2-3 blocks, bear left on Williamsburg thru light around the "circle" where there is a CVS on the right.  Go about 4-5 blocks & turn right onto Kensington (mail box on the corner).  3330 is the 4th house on right.

From the District:  Take Route 66 West to Sycamore exit.  At stop sign, turn right on Sycamore.  Go across Lee Highway (2nd light).  At next light (the 3rd since exiting Route 66), Sycamore becomes Williamsburg Blvd. (CVS is on the right).  Follow directions above from here.

Look for the Killer B's swarming around in the back yard.

Note: This is a B to B run.  Yep, that's right.  [Can you tell that the hares are also WH4 hashers?]  So, if you can't find the beginning, you sure as heck won't find the end.  Bring dry shoes and some poison ivy block and, of course, some anti-bee-sting serum.

Receding Hareline:
Hash 674 – June 3rd – Late Comer
Hash 675 – June 10th – Pay per View
Hash 676 – June 17th – need hares
Hash 677 – June 24th – need hares

Mismanagement:
Joint Masters – “Hawaiian Puke” and “Late Comer”
Religious Advisor – “Dual Air Bags”
Scribes – “Blazing Straddle” and “ONe tit ONly”
Hash Register – “Black Box”
Hash Cash – “Pointless”
Hare Raiser – “Hollow Point”
Haberdasher – “Well Drilled Dry Hole”
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  Owens
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