Just as the Hares were finally about to take off and set the trail, For Sale or Rent pointed out that Battered Woman was not wearing any shoes. When BW realized she left them underneath ALL OF THE BAGS in the bag vehicle, Chicken Fucker said he would be her Prince Charming and retrieve her glass slippers. At which point, BW made a mad dash and began pulling bags violently out of the car, throwing them over her noggin, almost giving Red Snapper a concussion with Stained Sheets’ massive, bulging bag. With shoes in hand, French Toasted then rushed to BW’s rescue, knelt down in front of her to put on her shoes – but not before he indulged himself with a long, lingering suck on her toes. At which point, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, overcome with the blatant display before him, found his own little cozy corner away from the hash, put himself in some dungeon-master contortionist position, and attempted to suck on his own toes.
After all that “toe-play” before the circle, we finally started on trail. We should have known that with the foreplay being so long (as the hash started over 30 minutes late), the actual “act” of the day’s trail would have paled in comparison – just as Fire & Ice reports that Tore Ass fades after just getting past her panties.
Just as I was about to come in to the ON-IN, Well Drilled emerges from the brush as I heard her exclaim, “Nothing that quick can ever be good!” Stumbling close behind her out of the bushes was KY Belly, scrambling to put his shirt back on. I wonder if that’s how he gets all those holes & rips in his t-shirts???
So, the 10 o’clock hash that started at 10:30 was over by 11 o’clock. This really puts emphasis on the saying “If you don’t start drinking early in the morning, you can’t drink all day.” As Cheap Slut commented, “This hash really gives the concept of lousy lay a good name.” So, Late Comer called this warp speed hash crowd to the circle that went something like this…
Visitors: Smedly from SFH3, Uncle Ed from the DC Men’s, Battered Woman (one of the hares) from OTH, and Just Jim from Dayton.
Anal-versaries: Penalty Strokes, Premature Evacuation, and Gorilla in Our Midst all with 5 hashes. Late Comer had no problem finding chicks to tie up the men, but had to yell “Anyone with a penis!!” several times to get some to tie up PE. Those words rolled off her tongue so well, it almost sounded rehearsed.
Oh, yea, and the other ‘verseries were Micro Soft with 15, For Sale or Rent and Becus He Can with 65, Black Box with 150, Tore Ass 155, Slip Knot 175, Cork Screwed 225 and the biggest loser was Hard Drive with 3,085.
There was a whole slew of returners, including a very special MVH3 hasher,
Snow Fairy – one of our founders. Other returners included Chicken
Fucker, Miso Horny, Uncle Ed and Smedley (hmmmm, weren’t those two also
called up as visitors?? Hashers will do anything to drink more beer.),
Looney, Lady Bugger, Toxic Shock, Diaper, Gorilla in our Midst, and Social
Disease.
Violations:
The Hares – for the short f*cking trail
Bramble Bush – for finally getting on the first page of the hash sign-in
list and whining about for months
The Hares – for being off so late
Vominatrix – for changing clothes in public & only letting Byte
check her out
Byte – being a voyeur & watching Vominatrix change clothes
The Hares – that whole mess up with the bag vehicle
Tore Ass and Fire & Ice – for dressing as twins AGAIN
Slip Knot – for bringing his own pet tic to the hash
The Hares – getting caught on trail by Ranger Dick
Well Drilled – the new car AND for sex on trail
KY Belly – sex on trail
Missing Link – media slut
Oh, yeah, and, of course The Hares again
Late Comer then began telling us this story about what happened to the Hashit that was as long as Cheap Slut is old. I wasn’t really listening and I was also easily distracted by the long, girthy brown thing Corkscrewed had in hand and mouth. He was apparently demonstrating to Fly the Friendly Thighs some new service he had received from Southwest Airlines to attract more customers. It must have gotten Ranger Dick way too excited, cause I saw him run off from the circle and start chasing down some female midget who was between bowling sets. Maybe now he’ll stop talking up all the harriettes. By the time I faded back in to the circle, Tore Ass got the Hashit and Swing Low was in full force.
ONe tit ONly
------ NEWS FLASH ------
LOST ITEM
Hand Solo apparently was bushwhacked by a pack of mean midgets who
had gotten knocked into too many headpins that morning. He reported
that 3 of the meanest midgets held him down, while a fourth bounced up
and down on his beer belly, while the others took off with his t-shirt.
If anyone happens to track down these midgets, it is a grey London hash
shirt and he really, really, really wants it back.
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Next Hash
Date: June 24th, 2000
Hares: See Dick Run, Micro Soft, and Three Times a Lady
Location: Fairfax County Government Center
Directions:
From Washington DC:
I-66 west to Fairfax County Parkway (7100), Exit 55 North
Right at the first traffic light (Fair Lakes Parkway)
Right at the third traffic light (Monument Drive)
Find the Fairfax County Government Center, Park and Hash.
Dog Friendly Factor: fair; Stroller Friendly Factor: fair
Misc.: No PI; there will be two water stops
Receding Hareline:
Hash 678 – July 1st – French Toasted, Penis.Cum, Battery Operated Buddy
Hash 679 – July 8th – Duck Job, Bite Me Elmo
Hash 680 – July 15th – need hares
Hash 681 – July 22nd – Latin Analist
Announcements:
The next Full Moon Hash will be Friday, 23 June 2000 at 7:00 PM Billion
Second Benefit Hash
We've celebrated a new millenium. Endured million man and mom
marches. The D.C. Full Moon Hash is upping the ante. The Washington
D.C. Full Moon Hash House Harriers invite you to a hash and benefit for
the Washington Free Clinic celebrating Brian O'Looney's billionth second
[that's 31.6 years]. on Friday, June 23rd 2000. And yes, we have accounted
for leap years and daylight savings time. Billionth second is @ 10:42pm.
Start: Meet at the Washington Canoe Club 3700 K/Water Street, along
the Potomac River at the base of Georgetown, Washington D.C.
Hares: Looney, Holy Tit, Cum-by-ya
Cost: $15
Misc: Run is A-A but always bring a dry bag.
On-On-On: At the Canoe Club. Food, fun, and music provided by the Gene
Pool Zombies!
For the latest MVH3 information, and links to all area hashes, visit
Harddrive's web page: http://www.dchashing.org/mvh3
If you still don't have internet access, get updates on area hashes
on the hotline: (202) PUDJAM0, take option 6 for MVH3.
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Mismanagement:
Joint Masters – “Hawaiian Puke” and “Late Comer”
Religious Advisor – “Dual Air Bags”
Scribes – “Blazing Straddle” and “ONe tit
ONly”
Hash Register – “Black Box”
Hash Cash – “Pointless”
Hare Raiser – “Hollow Point”
Haberdasher – “Well Drilled Dry Hole”
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