Stained Sheetz showed up looking reasonably chipper but because of his regrettable commitment to a sport other than hashing, was forced into the role of waterboy. Drinks On Me Bud and Slot Machine made it all the way in from Great Falls, although sans alcohol. There were a lot of people there, all of whom seemed to be signing in just when I was trying to. Who are all these wankers and why can’t they figure out what page their names are on BEFORE they sign in? (and I don’t believe Great Balls of Fire when he said he was signing in for two.)
Dual Air Bags got the Circle moving, we did F’thr Abraham and took off across a field and everyone immediately started running. Who’s in charge here, anyway? Byte Lightening went one way, Finger Pickin’ Good went in another direction and I don’t think I saw either one of them again. (Well, not til Byte started throwing me around, uh, oh, never mind…)
The trail went all over and hashers immediately started stopping traffic on the exit ramp to 66. It’s amazing that no one got run over, as hashers were being more than usually obtuse as to their right of way in the middle of a public road.
At some point the trail ran down the middle of the world’s longest creek, and because TRUE TRAIL was clearly marked down the middle, I, Cheap Slut, Loan Shark, and Pointless found ourselves staggering along through the water while the rest of the entire hash ran along above the banks. We ended up being the smarts ones, though. The 25 or so hares were too clever and put so many loops into the trail that the DFLs managed to miss half the trail without evening trying to shortcut.
Roto, who was yet another creek runner was attached, I mean attacked, by a vicious beaver (no, it wasn’t Dual Air Bags). Apparently the beaver first tried to run away and then was so appalled at the person in her stream, she turned around and ran into Roto. Or so Roto said. Maybe he just hallucinates regularly about warm, brown, furry things…
There was a lot of carnage on trail as well. Just Peter twisted an ankle, Pinky Penis decided to go skating on his knee and Drinks On Me Bud was seen limping around (knee problems or too much beer?).
The DFLs easily caught up with the FRBs (much to Yes Dear’s chagrin. I’m pretty sure that Yes Dear did the last extra lap that all the other hashers missed because they were actually thinking). There was food and reasonably good beer. Corkscrewed brought along another bottle of good, cheap red wine but then explained that the only way to acquire it in quantity was to visit the only Harris Teeter’s store in Virginia 5-6 times since they had a limit of 3 bottles (plus you had to be a member). So, we just drank his wine instead.
There was a Circle. Things happened. By then my paper was too sweaty to hold ink so I stopped writing, and thus, saw no reason to pay any attention. But there were…
Anniversaries
Lobster Lips – who didn’t get the 5 run noggin-band from last time
and Water Sport who was owed a 50-run head band; Craig Peacock – 5, Flying
Burrito - 5; Missed Erections – 50, Bite Me Elmo – 65, Because He Can –
69, Pinky Penis – 75, Blazing Straddle – 99 (don’t ask me why…)
Virgins: Amy Smith, Jack Grabe, and Mary Badly”
Visitors: John Gilbel, Pete Lohrey, Bruce Somebody (OK, you try ready the MV Worksheet when Black Box fills it out after a few beers.
Returners:
Mr. Peabody, The Body, Little Guinea, Sweet Cheecks, Drinks on Me Bud,
Slot Machine, Laser Shit, No Class, Roto Router.
And we had a NAMING:
Craig Peacock, in spite of his last name, received the moniker of BMW: Barely Man-Sized Weenie because he happens to own a BMW motorcycle (and has been seen caressing it frequently, not to mention wearing BMW driving gloves.)
Violations:
Wankers Aweigh and Hot Legs – matching haircuts
Stained Sheetz: picking up little boys
Dual Air Bags and Fly the Friendly Thighs: extremely physical
sex on trail (and everywhere else)
Just John: – environmental and thinking no one would notice.
Laser Shit: thinking Blazing Straddle was Cunning Runt (it does indicate
how far along I’ve come in my “how to be a bitch lessons” BS)
Byte Lightning: For getting beaten by Wankers Aweigh
Pinky Penis: for going down on trail but only on one knee
Missing Link and Full Metal Balls: sex on trail – so what else is new?
Hashit
Well, Byte Lightning forgot to bring his, and I don’t think Missing
Link brought his, and I don’t know where the other 3 or 4 hash shits are
and since the Religious Advisor neglected to write anything down on the
record sheet, well, what am I supposed to do? So, did someone get
it?
Who knows – whistles were checked, Swing Low was swung and another hash
came to a close.
Blazing Straddle
Next Hash
Date: August 12, 2000
Hares: Physical Terrorist and Bramble Bush
Start: The end of Seneca Road, Great Falls, Virginia (please
bring your last pay stub; an income check will be held at the entrance)
From Pretty Much Anywhere:: Take I-495 to Georgetown Pike, west
(Rte. 193), in Virginia.
Follow Georgetown Pike almost to its end (it ends at Rte. 7).
Right before the intersection of Rt. 7, turn right onto Seneca Road.
Faster directions from points south are to take the Dulles Toll Road west, get off on Reston Parkway, heading west (exit to the right). Follow Reston Parkway to Rte. 7, turn left on 7, go a mile or so and turn right onto Georgetown Pike. Take first left; that’s Seneca Road.
Follow Seneca Road until it runs out. Look for the deviants standing around at the end of the road (lots of ENDS in these directions).
There is LOTS of poison ivy
The trail is “manly dog” friendly.
The trail is not stroller friendly.
Receding Hareline:
Hash 684 – Aug 12th – Bramble Bush and Physical Terrorist
Hash 685 – Aug 19th – Big Bird Turd
Hash 682 – Aug 26th – Well Drilled
Hash 683 – Sept 2nd – The Everyone but the Kitchen Sink Hash – Hares
include: Poop Deck, Screws Everybody, Milk Money, Pee-a-Pet, Chapaquickdick,
Standard Deviant, Bumper Sticker, and Artsy Tartsy.
Mismanagement:
Joint Masters – “Hawaiian Puke” and “Late Comer”
Religious Advisor – “Dual Air Bags”
Scribes – Jeanne-Marie “Blazing Straddle” Thomas and Sheri “ONe tit
ONly” Baxter
Hash Register – “Black Box”
Hash Cash – "Pointless”
Hare Raiser – “Hollow Point"
Haberdasher – “Well Drilled Dry Hole”
You know, this guy might not be a bad replacement for Bubba after all!