Trash 724

Yo mama wears combat boots hash, prelims for the Combat Beer hash
Start: Key Elementary  End:  VFW, a few blocks away

Who got named?
Special Agent Dumb Ass and Half my life with a Dumb Ass

Who was violated?
SADA - stating that his name is, "kinda cute."
Aunt Flow - trying to lie about his manlihood
Blazing Straddles - her sage comment on trail, "If they haven't come back by now, it must be true trail."
Dr. Jekyll - impersonating another very bad dresser, Blank Check
Milk Money - what?  shorts?  Those must be 18T's.
SlipKnot - starting on Full Moon trail a day early.  He arrived on MV's trail wearing the same clothes ... maybe he ...?

Hash Shitter - Dual Airbags.  We all knew she was full of it, but did she have to force our police officers to witness her doing her business?  Which slightly changes the down-down song for our RA, "... we could be defecating."

How was Trail?
(My experience, and, as any hasher knows, it's all about me.)  Where the hell are we MFC?  After the condo loop, we spied Loan Shark and Continental Drip wandering aimlessly when along came Missing Link and, oh hell I remember him as Beltway Bob ... ChappaQuickDick, somehow they sniffed out flour and got to the beer before us.  Dammit!

The rest of the wankers may have experienced something similar to this:  Spring is in the air.  OK, it's hot as hell out the sun is beating down on me, ooh, rub that bullfrog all over me, mmm, that's nice.  Yes, yes.  Whore Moan and Leave It in Beaver start the day right lathering one another up as shocked, innocent onlookers Teeny Weeny Peenie, For Sale or Rent, Quick Drawers (remind me not to follow his ass on trail again!), Only 2, Sloppy Drunk and the Baby Sitter (who gives a crap it they weren't there ... add to that $50 Bitch and Jiffy Lube, hell, toss in the Pimp of Sarajevo while we're at it!  and Aunt Flow, hmmm, he actually was there.  Flow showed. now back to the lying) and Black Box get sprayed by their smelly spew.  Our attention was quickly ripped away as Tore Ass, Steamer, Fire & Ice and Pinky Penis, and Ben came sauntering into circle clad in only cami thongs and bandeleros.  Wait!  This is twelth-o de Mayo, not sicko de Mayo.  Everyone, I mean everyone dropped their jaws. All conversation stopped, save Late Cummer and Hawaiian Puke who were doing the bump celebrating their parole from MisManagement.  Their revelling so excited Domino, Rocky Whore's dog, that he considered attempting the nasty on HardDrive's leg.  But when HD shot Domino that certain come-hither stare, Domino reconsidered and returned to his dog biscuit. Or so he thought.  Dangerously Close, apparently driven by a back-to-basics food kick, snatched up the poor pooch's morsel and scarfed it.

MM 2001's rousing rendition of Father Abraham left the masses titillated.  Speaking of, Sticks with Chicks's virgin, Just Dawn attended the inaugural Throbbing Member chalk talk and was tempted (as were we all, on both sides of the team) by his confident statement that the front of the pack is his domain.  Also master of his domain, Finger Pickin' Good swept in wooed Latin Anal-ist, offering fruit and cheese and other things smelly.  Where is all this going?  So far it's nothing but mindless (and not well thought-out) vignettes, incriminating upright, honest, law-abiding citizens (hold it, these are hashers were talking about ... Ok, back to makin' more crap up).  So, we get started on trail and BOB stops off at the sandwich shop and purchases three watercress sandwiches, a carrot juice and a carob brownie.  Turkey Timer follows suit and grabs a peanut log, a can of oysters, two celery sticks and a jar of marmite.  Directly they are met by Cheap Slut who snatches (Snatch?  Who said snatch ...?) a case of NA brew and a Moon Pie (mmm, pie).  Mitey Tite grabbed the last three cans of spray cheese, $2 Head purchased a cauliflower and a pack of Zingers, Pointless decided upon frozen chimichangas and a red bell pepper, while Poop Deck bums a buck off Ivy Licker to buy himself a Slurpie.  The shop's proprietor is a little nervous, having so many sticky, sweat-soaked bodies in his place at one time.  Although everyone's buying at a frantic rate, what if the fire marshall happens by?  Nevertheless, happy as an hatchet salesman in Somalia, he watches his wares fly off the shelves.  Hands Solo loads up on beans, Dr. Jekyll (oh hell, he doesn't eat, does he?) he grabbed some flowers for Cunning Runt - NOT! and Dual Airbags?  yep, TP.  And in a flash they were gone.  The shopkeep wiped his brow from the feverish pace of his work.  "Damn, this place hasn't smelled this bad since that time Bad Dog came in after a bean dinner!"  the shopkeep mused.  Where had they all gone, these wide-eyed, light-footed pixies?  Off in the distance the shopkeeper heard giggles and the sound of ratty old trail shoes tapping the ground.  And then there was silence.

Confused, the shopkeeper stepped out onto the sidewalk.  No one.  Nada.  Nobody.  Not a soul in sight.  A warm pocket of air brushed him lightly.  BBT apologized, fanning his rear to dissipate the fumes.  But where are all the people?  The mystery's killin' ya, isn't it?  OK, long story short, hashers sit with their mothers, have a little picnic, nobody chews with their mouths open, a few happy stories are exchanged, munchies are munched, the food is damned good and reminds them of the Gourmet hash, light conversation about life and love, a few moms funnel a beer, show us their tits, Hare Pie makes and appearance (mmm, pie) and then the party's over.  There.  That's it.

Happy Mother's Day.  Remember, we kiss our mothers with these mouths.

The Oily of Nolay edition (Fussy emphatically denies ANY involvement with this piece of crap ... no, not Oil, this Trash on your screen here)

SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM DANGEROUSLY CLOSE, HASH REGISTER:
Hello MVH3ers...  I could sure use your help (No, I don't need any more dog brownies!  I had enough last Saturday!)  BUT, it would sure make my job alot easier and your wait much less on Saturday mornings if you could PLEASE bring exact change and arrive a few minutes early to the hash.  Now that MVH3 is drawing 90+ people, checking everyone in has gotten a bit more difficult! Thanks, DC

REMEMBER:  If you are gonna stand in line and fuss about waiting...  it is your own damn fault!

ARRIVE EARLY!  HAVE $4.00 IN-HAND!
HASHHAPPY!
 

Hash # 726 10:00 AM : May 26th, 2001.
Hare(s):B'cuz He Can, For Sale Or Rent, Love Canal, Throbbin Member

Start: Intersection of Oakton Road and Miller Heights Road, Oakton/Vienna VA
ADC Map page 13 Coordinates F6 - The Hash will be A to A'

Directions:
From 66 going east - exit 60 onto 123 going north toward Vienna.  Follow instructions below.
From 66 going west - exit 60 onto 123 going north toward Vienna.  Follow instructions below.

Once on 123 North go to the second light and take a left onto Jermantown Road.  You should pass Flint Hill School on your right, then Oak Marr Recreation center on your right.  Immediately after you pass a new school under construction on your right, take a right onto Oakton Road.  After you pass the church on your right take a right onto Miller Heights road.  If you get to Waples Mill Road you have gone too far. Park on Miller Heights Road. Walk back to Oakton Road.  Start will be in the abandoned nursery where Miller Heights Road and Oakton Road meet.

Miscellaneous: As usual bring dry clothes and shoes.
Ø PI Factor: There may be PI on parts of the off road portion.
Ø Dog Friendly Factor: Tough dogs only on the r*nners trail, dog friendly on the walkers trail.
Ø Stroller Friendly Factor: No strollers on r*nners tail see hares for alternate walkers trail route.