Saturday’s weather as predicted was awful.  The RAs were wreaking havoc on the peon’s of the hash and in one moment we were scrambling for the Noah's arc, only to be fooled with a break in the cloud and the spectacle of blue sky.  Nay 3 moments later, the angels were crying again and we were getting soaked to the bone!

You know that weather like that is either foreshadowing an awesome trail or a disaster.  By the way, did anyone see flour at all last week???  I don’t think I did.  But, I digress.  The hares, including the Hare Raiser had a lot of adversity to contend with on this trail so, I’ll try to be nice to them!  Don’t expect much from a bitch like me….. Speaking of bitches like me.  The Mystery Shitter showed up with the newly decorated hashit at the start, as promised.  Only later we learned that she was incognito and had taken refuge in the FBI witness protection program that very day, she was Mary F@%$kin Poppins.  According to the ChildCare Action Project: Christian Analysis of American Culture (CAP)  Mary’s middle name is not F@%$kin and they think, “Mary Poppins was a delightful romp for children and the young at heart through a make-believe world of frolic and fantasy.”  Now, I don’t know what hash I was at… but I can't imagine anyone at MVH3 on a delightful romp with her…. She might be the object of some sick childish fantasy and I KNOW she lives in a make believe world.  Somehow, I don’t think the Christian Analysis of American Culture had our Mary POOPins in mind!

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Even though the sound of it
Is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough
You'll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!  I digress!!!

Anyway, the start was wet.  It was really wet and pretty soggy.  We went under a natural canopy of trees to perform Spencer Abraham, led by someone.  We introduced the only Virgin of the day - poor Just Ben.  He's a jarhead with too much energy and thought nothing of the weather.  He couldn't wait to get on trail despite the warnings of all the veterans.  Anyway, I can’t remember who led Spencer Abraham, all I can think of is Latecummers’ purple tights.  I don’t know if she led us in song or her ass was in front of me… Then we ran away and the sky parted for a moment.  It was just a cruel joke.

Off goes the pack.. into the wild blue yonder… over hill and dale.  We trotted down the hill on Miller Heights and into the development.  All those runners took off down the street.  There were too many of those wankers so Hand Solo told me.  I bolted to the front of the walkers pack, so I made sure I didn't get lost (as can happen to anyone walking with MFC or Oil Of Nolay) and caught up to Hand Solo again.   He assured me that I had not missed his incredible gazpacho the week before, that they had actually gone for the originality award and served Chinese food.  Sorry I missed that!  We then began the ardent discussion of planning to feed hashers and how difficult that had been of late.  We led the pack as Black Box stopped to mark trail for any last minute stragglers (Cheap Slut and Loan Shark) and came upon a cul-de-sac.  The walkers directions told us to walk on ahead but we could not discern any flour on trail and made our way blindly.  I led the pack through the woods and waited for all folks to make their way out, including the elder Tore Ass'.  Just as the pack entered the woods, we heard the familiar sound of aclap of thunder and the whails of the pack began.  We were actually relieved to learn it was a senior moment taken by Just Gordon of the elder Tore Ass', who had exited the public facility in the cul-de-sac allowing the acoustics to imitate God bowling.

I heard that the highlights of the Runners Trail included Byte Lightening bitchin about something.  French Toasted ran through a check and did not mark it.  Ranger Dick wearing his InterHash jacket, looked like a gnome and was almost run over by a Chevy S 171.  GBOF and Byte Me Elmo ran along skipping happily, hand in hand, singing in the rain.  CorkScrewed  was practicing a new song for Saturdays gig at the Dancing Peppers.  Dr. Jackal and Stunning Runt were noticably absent.  Blow Me was blowin' his own horn as usual - I guess that’s every mans dream… right after the Menage a Knot (Slip Knot, the Babysitter and Sloppy Drunk - see page 1 of last weeks trash).  Just Adam ran in the midst of the pack, just under the wire to be called an FRB and far enough ahead to not be DFL.  FMB cackled the entire trail watching his fellow hashers get soaked to the bone, in the misery of the cold rain.

Mary F@%$kin Poopins called circle to order after she hung up her private shelter balanced on the tarp and the giant golf umbrella that Flying Burrito was slugging around.  Burrito had the right idea, to hang his umbrella in the trees and extend the tarp -- too bad he didn't invite any of the wet miserable slackers to take part of his ingenuity.  Tsk tsk!  Credit must be given to the Burrito for picking up a button from Oil's lanyard, that had fallen without Oil's knowledge. Just Ben came in to drink for his virgin run and Mary F@%$kin Poppins harassed him enough to make him wanna come back for some more abuse.
French Toasted (265), Lick it off, Baby (155), Oil of Nolay (25 - tied up by Whore Moans), Do Me Next Week (55), Dr. Strangelove (345), and Bramble Bush (105) were acknowledged for anniversaries with the hash.

Our returners included Ranger Dick, Blow Job, Voom Broom, and Family Jewels, who chose a great day to return to MVH3 after a year.  Nice to see you again.  The viscious violators included our own co-GM Black Box who used nerd names during the proceedings.  Unfortunately, the other GM was lost in the woods and Ms. Box had to drink by herself. Lick it off, Boobie had "nothing better to do" than to come to a hash today. My existance in the realm of hash MM is so small, this part gets me my kicks…  I pulled Mary F@%$kin Poppins in for participation in the witness protection program and not telling us.  Family Jewels for showing up for the first time in a year, with this weather.  Perhaps he brought it with him. I was unjustly called into the circle for "my orally effervescent personality" by the RA.  Lastly, I attempted to have the hares for next weeks hash in,. since we hadn't received directions from them.  They bitched about it… relax, have a beer, drink it down…. Mary F@%$kin Poppins kept the hashit one more time.  She's so attached to it, she wanted it desperately even though she tried to frame it on a few of her colleagues.  Wouldn't it be great if she kept it all year long?????
 

That's all she wrote.  Till next time…. Kiss kiss  xoxoxoxox

Fussy (don't mess with the Bitch)

Hash # 728
Directions to next weeks hash: June 9, 2001
Hares: FMB and DAB
 
Start =  Parking lot at very end of Boston Blvd (across from side of News Channel 8) Springfield/Newington
 
Directions - For the Southerners
 
Take I95 North to exit 166 towards Backlick Fullerton. Immediately get into the far left lane. At the bottom of the bridge take a left onto Fullerton Road. At the second light turn left onto Boston Blvd (Price Club is immediately on the left). Follow Boston Blvd to the very end and park in the parking lot on the right across from the side of News Channel 8. (THIS IS 25 MPH down this road. COPS ARE ALWAYS OUT so watch your speed).
 
 Directions for the Yankees
 
Take I95 South to exit 167 Backlick/Fullerton.Follow this to first light and make a right onto Fullerton Road. At the third light make a left onto Boston Blvd. (Price Club is immediately on the left). Follow Boston Blvd to the very end and park in the parking lot on the right across from the side of News Channel 8. (THIS IS 25 MPH down this road. COPS ARE ALWAYS OUT so watch your speed).
 
Dog friendly
Stroller unfriendly but can get friendlier directions if bribe to the hares is hi enough.