Notes and mis-rememberances from Oil of Nolay:

Let's see.  I missed trail (again).  This time my excuse was really foolish.  Turns out (and here's some advice for those of you who may get ahold of the Trash before the hash starts on Saturday)  the directions in the current Saturday's hash are for NEXT Saturday, not THIS Saturday.   Live and learn.

Well, hell, I guess the audience for that piece-of-crap advice is only Fussy and me.  So, note to self.  After sitting at the start of next week's hash (which, btw, the directions for next week's hash are quite good.  You'll need to take a right on Beulah … oh, hell.  You're here so you already know.) … again, sitting at the start of THIS week's hash for about 10 minutes, half expecting full cavity search (Fussy had left a few hours earlier, so I was mighty lonely), I realized my error, promptly dialed 202.PUD.JAM0 and listened to TM's announcement.  How many times did it take YOU to decipher it?  Arriving pitifully late, I first spied Blank Check bouncing along chatting with … oh, hell I forget.  There was depressing song on the radio (that damned, "… you will find some comfort here … blah, blah, blah" piece of crap).  The sun was mighty powerful and you folks were looking pretty sweaty, a little tired and lightly pink around the edges.  I drove on, the A/C chilling my fingers a light blue.

Blazing Straddles led me in to the On In, me driving about 8 mph behind.  Parking a few hundred yards from the On In, I talked briefly with Whine and Cheese who was sitting on the tailgate of his truck wringing out his socks and rubbing his feet.  He was upwind from me and I knew immediately why Dream Beaver decided to stay at home.  Whoah!  The last time I'd experienced a stench like that was when Bad Dog ate himself unconscious on velveeta and smores.

At the On In, everyone appeared to be in good spirits.   Digging up dirt on folks was tough.  Apparently the good weather had everyone focused on lovely things -- good food, FMB was grilling up dogs and burgers and those smells outweighed the BO; good drink, cheap domestic swill aplenty; a good quiet day (Dual was still out on trail); and the good gash on The Babysitter's leg.  So, with all that happiness going on, one can only imagine the lameness of the violations I, your lowly scribe, was able to muster.  Remember, at certain times, lying can be a virtue.  After all, how many times have we been satisfied with a well-delivered sigh, smile and a "mmm, that was wonderful" as we roll over to turn out the light?

But, all was not as it seemed in Pleasantville.  The absence of clouds allowed the sun to beat down relentlessly on the pack.  Call it solar fever.  Call it delirium.  Most folks would call it just plain odd.  As trail started Because He Can started feeling up French Toasted and become so enthralled that the pair wound up tussling in the drink.  Bavarian Bush bragged about her kick-boxing prowess and offered to show her foot to anyone daring to pass her on trail.  Poop Deck stepped up to the challenge and was promptly booted into the drink.  Hard Drive then offered BB (no, not Black Box, Bad Bush, Bramble Bush,or Barney's Bitch … remember, it was Bavarian Bush)a well-deserved renaming of "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" but my dumb ass forgot this tidbit as I was announcing violations.  Blame it on the sun.  Speaking of, the sun apparently got into MFC's and BBT's eyes as they tried to interpret the markings on trail.  Standing atop a BT, they announced the direction as True Trail and, thus, sent a line of wankers off to wander aimlessly in the heat.  Oh well, more beer for us!  One of the wayward was Don't Let Your Meat Loaf who had, the night previous, won a bet with DAB that she could spot a hard-up jarhead in a room full of hard-up eggheads.  And she did.  Her prize was to be guest RA -- a prize she failed to collect.  If only Meat Loaf could spot flour as well as she can spot brass.   Twatzup and Sloppy Ho (aliases under which they wreak havoc across town) were up for MV names and both held claim to their respective monickers.  Thus, here at MV and throughout the world of hashing they shall be known as "Twatzup, Sloppy Drunk?" and "The Sloppy Ho is my Babysitter."

Virgins.  Virgins.  Virgins.  On a gorgeous day like today, you'd expect Rocky Whore to produce, wouldn't ya?  Well, her dry streak is over.  Our virgins were Just Brad Robinson and Just Carnie Carpenter.

Veez-ah-tours:  From across the pond we had  Mousie Tongue.  Sewer Crotch,  Roto Root Her, and Erection Reflection. ?  And last, but certainly not first was Indiana Bones and the Temple of Pooh dropped by from … oh, hell.  Who gives a crap where in the hell they were from?  2 plumbers, 2 Bone snatchers, and a rodent teaser.  Speaking of, anyone seen Rodent Felcher lately?  Thanks for cummin' anyhow, y'all.

Anal-versaries included Twatzup, Sloppy Drunk? (5), Peeking Duck (5), Only 2? (25), Mitey Tite (50), Pointless (69), Pinkie Penis (100), Big Bird Turd (205), Steamer (205), Pudnocker (275), FMB (275), Continental Drip (275), Quick Drawers (469) and Missing Link (570).

The Hashshit traded orifices from our very own Mary F@#'n Poopins to her eagle-eyed buddy Meat Loaf.
 

And, since you've suffered through all my yammering to this point, here are the directions to NEXT week's hash, Hash # 730
Date June 23, 2001
Cost $4.00
Start Time 10:00am
Start of Hash 1800 Robert Fulton Drive, Reston, VA
ADC Map 6 Coordinates G6

Theme:  None
(that's Nun, for the phonetically trained …  Nuns … ooh, Catholic school girls)

Hares: Garden Ho, Drive Thru, 3x a Lady, Because He Can

Directions:
From the Beltway -
§ Take the Dulles Toll Road (Rt 267) West.
§ Exit at Hunter Mill Road. At the bottom of the ramp - Take a LEFT
§ Travel approximately 1/4 mile to a "T" intersection - Take a RIGHT on to  Sunrise Valley.
§ After you cross W&OD trail (about 1/4 mile down Sunrise Valley) - Take a RIGHT on to Robert Fulton (note that the street name of the left side of the road is different).
§ Take 1st left into parking lot.  Park, Quaff & Hash.

Special Instructions:
Bring a dry bag and dry shoes

Dogs and Strollers:
Dogs ok on both, strollers may be difficult on the r*nners trail, consult with the hares.

PI Factor:  It is out there, take appropriate measures.