If it ain’t live hare, it ain’t Mount Vernon.
________________________________
Run: # 729
Date:  June 16, (the year of our Lord, 2001)
Hares:  Full Metal Balls, Dual Air Bags, Well Drilled.
Location:  Somewhere off Fairfax County Parkway near the tank farms.

There once was was a hashing trail,
the hares they laid it no fail,
the rain it came and washed the flour away,
The pack is still looking for it today,
Like the castaways, we should have set sail!

Trail on Saturday was washed away.  It was a miserable rainy day and was pouring down and the RA’s were laughing the whole damn time.

There were lots of umbrella’s and it made me feel a lot better as we pulled into the START location to see how many devoted hashers came out despite this crappy weather.  The GM’s led the FAST FORWARD edition of Father Abraham, and we started walking fast.  What I didn’t know, was that we had a shortcut.  I was so relieved when Black Box waited for me, in the back of the pack, to say hello and clue me in before she scampered back to the front of the walking pack.  I hung back with my old neighbor, Magoo, in for a visit from Singapore where you cannot chew gum in public or you may be caned.   Trail was gross, the weather was nasty, I was hot and cold all at the same time.  To save you the bother, I’ll skip my bitching and move on to the fun part.

It took us about 10 minutes on trail to get to the On In --- which was FANTASTIC.  The 20 or so walkers didn’t want to walk through more puddles.  Some of us had enough raingear to keep from getting soaked.  Some weren’t so lucky.

We waited under cover and who should appear?  Missing Link shows up, all nice and dry.  He’s got baby with him…. At least he had the smarts not to try to run with her through the muck and mud. He provided transport back to the start for 2 of our senior citizens, Flying Burrito and Cheap Slut.  Both had to prove they were not wet – both carried umbrella’s with them to Link’s pretty truck.   When Burrito made it back, I didn’t give him enough time to shut off the engine before I jumped in the front seat and asked for a ride back to the cars… afterall, I’m a SLAVE, I’m mean Scribe… and everyone will BITCH, I mean, ask for the HASH TRASH when they arrive in from trail.  So, with that as my excuse we pedaled back to the parking lot.

We started up the grill and called circle to order as most of the pack was in by that time. It was a special day, in so many ways, especially for Don’t Let Your Meat Loaf and Put It Out, but I’ll get to that in just a second.  We chowed on greasy burgers with cheese, veggie burgers with pre-printed grill marks, chips, frozen fruit, and oreo’s. Don’t Let Your Meat Loaf was fastidiously studying the chain of events, we call “running the circle”.  She nearly memorized the cheat sheet, enough attention to give her a violation for studying at a hash.

I don’t know why she got to run the circle… but I am thankful it was not me!  It had to do with some bet she won with Dual Air Baggage about some little boy toy they were both trying to pick up in a bar at a hash happy hour.  All I know is that if we ever vote DAB to no longer be the RA, we’ll NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT. DAB heckled her for the entire time.  Ouch!
Of course, the hares drank first…. It’s the only redeeming quality of haring. But, they were joined by Cunning Runt who was hosting her own little Pampered Chef-like “private party” – the rest of the attendants of the party quickly scattered when all eyes focused on Ms. Runt.

The only visitor/returner we had, was Mr. Magoo in from the country with public canings.

Our Anal-verseries for this week included;
Wayne Vanderpool (5) tied up by Sticks with Chicks
Don’t Let Your Meat Loaf (5) tied up by FMB
Hops (15)
Fussy (45)
Family Jewels ( aka Sat’s DFL )  65 runs
MFC (115)
S’not (135)
Ms. Runt  (335)
And of course, since our GM’s never drink alone, Black Box drank for her 200th run with MVH3.  For a small investment of $800 she got a beautiful BLACK windbreaker engraved in KILLER BEE yellow!

Out of nowhere..Blank Check stomped in a puddle behind me.  I was sure he fell from the sky (roof) and covered me in water. Immediate instincts on, I turned and grabbed a handful of mud to share with my friend. L   Then, I heard shouts from FMB- as I spun around, the crunchy mud flew from my grip and landed in the beer.  :’(  We cried.  But I heard that yapper, Cunning Runt yell for violation, and I had to drink some protein enriched beer.  Twist my arm!   OK!

We had a very exciting naming. Several weeks back, at AGM of course, The Babysitter and Sloppy Drunk (aka Sloppy Ho and Twatsup) had some alcohol issues (See trash from AGM 2001).  Sat was the date and place for the Babysitter to defend her name.  She gave us a lame story about singing the Sloppy Joe song too much that her mother went mental.  Sloppy Drunk tried to step up to the plate for her commrade of arms but failed to justify anything more than the successful interruption of possible sexual adventures of her “friend” From all this came the name, Sloppy Ho Pair.

Black Box made a special presentation to Put It Out.  She claimed that her updates to the hare manual were based on what PIO had done the year before. As always, BB is like the good fairy, she reached into a bag of goodies and found a bunny shaped chunk of chalk for PIO to use on trail.

Violations included Put It Out, for running a 5k and coming in 3rd place – enough to win a plastic trophy! Also, we know that the wisest of hashers perform Safe Sex.  DAB proved it by wearing a shirt which was still covered in “GOO” - next time, you might want to wear a different shirt to the hash there…tootsie!  All the Hares were berated for buying burgers with painted grill lines on them.  Ah yes, there was the 3some of Loan Shark, Milk Money and Whore Moans who came skipping in together. Blank Check obviously did not dress himself, as he was wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of black running shorts. However, it was obvious that he dressed French Toasted!  Then there was our guest RA, Don’t Let Your Meat Loaf, who drank for the rain and for her studying habits. Of course, we busted Mr. Magoo for flying all the way around the world to hash in the rain with us.

Just about this time, Family Jewels showed up, DFL of course.   So, at BBT’s urging, the mens hash contingent shouldn’t drink alone, and Hops was brought in to share a beer with FJ.  While we were serenading them, we noticed the back of Hops shirt.  It was for a “BUTT PIRATES” hash somewhere in Mexico.  Now, last time I checked, the term “BUTT PIRATES” was not very flattering.  Blank Check decided to bring it to our attention and make an example out of Hops. Unfortunately, I don’t think Hops understood our explanation and continued to scratch his head as he left the circle.
 
 
 
 
 

Announcements were made for the DC Area Red Dress 2001; that registration will begin in July.

Hat’s off, pots on the ground, did anyone notice the lovely rendition of Swing Low by Oil of Nolay, performing the part of Captain Hook, the pirate?

Has anyone noticed the Trashes are all posted on the website????  You can read the trash online – we submit them even before they are printed!  Imagine the trees we’ll save doing that!?!

                      Next Week’s Hash

Date: June 30, 2001
Hares: WellDrilled, DuckJob, Jockstrap & Full Metal Balls
 
Start: ADC map 8, coordinates K9--the Key Elementary
 school in NW DC.
 
Directions:
Get yourself over the Chain Bridge.  From N. Arlington, take Glebe Road North over the Chain Bridge.
 
From anywhere else, take the GW Parkway North or South to the Chain Bridge exit.
Left at light and over the Chain Bridge.
 
Right after crossing bridge. Left at light on Arizona. Right at light on MacArthur. 1st left onto Dana.
1st left on Fulton.  Bear Right on Hurst. Park & Hash
 
Dogs--they'll love it, but you should be able to lift them.
Strollers--would be difficult

Only 45 more weeks of scribing !!!
This has been brought to you by Fussy Bitch
(by the way, I’m sitting on the beach right now, while you’re all stinky and sweaty!!)  Life’s a bitch, and so am I!