DrJeckyl & ByteLightning led the prematurely running FRBs off onto a short cut of the very first check while the rest of us waddled up the bike trail under some beautiful powerlines.  BigBirdTurd & HawaiianPuke were actually being passed by the walkers, but they were in front of me.
 Up/down through some trails and woods and then we find ourselves right back at Sunrise Valley Dr wandering in a big parking lot—wankers everywhere, but which way to go?  False calls abound until someone realizes flour never actually crossed the road and we’re back on true trail.  Ahh but it was good time to chit chat with TurkeyTimer and watch WoWo and CRAFTY run around like lemmings.
 Now we’re back ‘mongst some nice Restonian mansions, every single one with a 3-car garage, and a blessed Oasis appears.  A cheerfully tended water cooler refreshes the pack and we trudge on!  30 minutes on trail and we descend down into the enchanted forest just as the rain begins.  MightyTite skillfully arrives just in time to miss a back check and we slog into the mire.  LateComer was giving leaping lessons to anyone who wanted to stay dry at the first creek crossing; many were in rapt attention.
 No Cinderella slippers survived the next stretch as we slogged down miles of water laden trail and bog.  The last time I heard DAB speaking in civil tones was at the foot of a splendid rubble strewn gulley that our sorry asses ascended for some 50 meters.  After that she was pure bitch all day.
 I was relishing my back of the pack status, staggering along with my swollen head, when all of the sudden I spy FingerPickingGood running my way saying something about massing hashers behind but “acting all confused”--no shit Sherlock.  My short cutting instincts caught the better of me and next thing I know I’m flying along at warp speed with LittleGuinea, the FingerPicker and CRAFTY.  It didn’t last long though, one bad trail and then it’s me and AndHowsHerBush hobbling on in to . . . the second water check!?  Ohhhhhhhhh this ain’t looking good.
 CuzHeCan & ThreeTimmies are dutifully filling cups and mentally checking off just who has and who hasn’t made it this far …at 50 minutes.  BlankCheck and I grab 3X and shove his head into the cooler until he squeals and reveals a short cut (sorry ‘bout the mucous in the water for you who came through later).
A merry pack of some dozen wankers followed the ShortBusBitch across Hunter Mill Rd and up the bike trail once again.  Then down into the woods where we found true trail just in time to meet up with CunningRunt, ShellackingTheBishop and FrenchToasted and cross another crik, run a bunch more trail & mud and finally be greeted by a sassy “BN--almost” atop a grueling hill.
Eventually a bona fide BN is spotted, followed by On-In to an office building lawn.  The hypoxia & fatigue had this pack so disoriented that many didn’t even realize we were back at the start.  An MVH3 A to A trail—who’d have thunk it?

DriveThrough and company were cheerfully arranging a buffet sandwich table while others made desperate rehydration efforts with the amber nectar.
ShellackingTheBishop seemed happy as a pig-in-shit, himself hell bent on training for the next ultra marathon he can find.  You know something’s up when even fast little running dudes like 8APuss and CRAFTY drag themselves in well behind the pack.  We chatted, dined and imbibed as the stragglers straggled and the bitchers bitched.
The oh-so important FRBs of course split prior to the circle and it was 1145 when the fire breathing DAB arrived, proceeded to chew some serious hare ass about the long trail, and beckoned us to circle up and “get this shit over with!”
The Hares were summoned forth and CuzHeCan, 3Timmies, GardenHo and DriveThrough (in absentia—a “bread run” they claimed) drank for their misdeeds.  14K was picked to serenade the wankers with “Shitty Trail” and DAB proclaimed that the hares would do all down-downs of the circle.
Virgins with their oh-so cute virgin whistles bleeding rainbow smears all over came forward to be duly recognized.  Their names and who made’m cum:
JustJesse—ErectionReflections
JustAlexis—IndianaBone
JustShane—CuzHeCan
JustFritz—his seeeeeester
After they put their backs against the wall and were de-flowered, our four visitors presented themselves:
JustAshley—GFH3
JustDavei—GFH3
8APuss—EWH3
Just Jay—Arlington (huh?)
Everyone put their ten does down, dogs barked, down-downs were downed and they left.
 Analversaries included JustAdam-5, LittleGuinea-50, GreatBallsofFire-55, Snot-135, Fire&Ice-175, MilkMoney-205, FrenchToasted-269 and the wanker most in need of a chest life was declared DrJeckyl with 385 (don’t worry he never reads this far, and I’m off overseas by now anyhow).
 My fingers are getting’ sore at this point and the rain drops are interfering with my bic … so the accuracy of this epistle is deteriorating rapidly.  There were many long-time-no-seers, including Vibrator, ShockACock, JustMariah, AndHowsHerBush, BadDog, FingerPickinGood, IvyLicker, Section8, JustMark, PortaPotter, UKHugh, LittleGuinea and two hares: 3Timmies & DriveThrough.
 Two naming opportunities presented themselves.  First was DontLetYourMeatLoaf who explained something about being over in Korea doing a horizontal boogey in front of the dash board light.  Despite snickers about her ability to sniff out brass, and vague references to her recent birthday outing, she somehow was permitted to keep it.
 Clock strikes 12.  WellDrilled makes it in off trail.  Still waiting on BadDog.
 JustWayne then was brought forward on the occasion of his 6th hash and promptly exiled to the parking lot.  SticksWithChicks, his wife-girlfriend-sister-escort-concubine companion immediately was center circle going on and on and on and on about some story none of us could follow.  Eventually she wound down with CooterHands as a suggestion.  Other options were CumsAllOver, SprinkleHer, CannonBall, FraidyTit … until finally FullMetalBalls dropped “ShutTheBitchUp” which won hands down.
 There were too many violators to mention.  Needless to say their transgressions were heinous and they were duly assigned down-downs to drink along with the hares.
 Finally the hashshit was brought forward to speak and the pack was treated to the most eloquent oratory of the hash year eminating from our charming plunger carrier.  Nominees included the hares for their trail, MeatLoaf for Flashing all of Adams Morgan & SticksWithChicks for a never-ending naming story for JustWayne, and--in keeping with tradition--last week’s hashshit, yours truly, for some insignificant violation.
 SticksWithChicks went home with the honor, opening up her gullet wide and deep to swig beer from our decorated little plumber’s helper.
 Happy Birthday to DoMeNextWeek, PudKnocker, MeatLoaf & of course MilkMoney.  The tweeterless were ridiculed, SwingLow was sung, and the pack was off to try and find their cars.
1219: BadDog in.
 

Announcements:
· WhiteHouse is hosting Vacation Bible Camp this summer July 19, 20 & 21 just off the C&O Canal out past Hagerstown in Western MD.  $35 includes tubing, shirt, hash, food, beer, etc. Registration forms online at www.dchashing.org
· RedDressRun is cumming October 6.  Registration forms now available online.   $35 until August1.  It’s NOT too early to start thinking about your outfit.

Next Week’s Trail:  #732 July 7 10:00 AM
Hares: CorkScrewed, PayPerView, LeaveItinBeaver, BatteryOperatedBuddy & WhoreMoans.
Start: New TJ Max Shopping Center in Kingstowne
Directions:  Make your way to I-495, take the South Van Dorn St. Exit South.  Cross over Franconia Rd. and continue on Van Dorn, turn right on Kingstowne Blvd. Turn right at the light in front of Walmart into the shopping center under construction, park behind the new Pizzeria Uno. Look for deviants wandering about dazed and confused, hash.
Miscellaneous:  Strollers: no.  Dogs: yes.  A to B.  Water, shiggy, mud, sweat and tears.  Hard hats recommended  (ByteLightning &  FrenchToasted—they’re making fun of  you again.)

Signing off as Fussy’s stand-in bitch this week …  xxoo PutItOut