White House Hash House Harriers

 

For Directions and Information call 202-PUD-JAM0/202-232-HASH

Check us out on line:  www.dchashing.org/wh4

 

 “In Beer we Trust”  

 

February 11, 2001

 

Warning:  This paper contains 30% recycled condom wrappers.  May cause prolonged erections, deviant sexual fantasies, or hairy palms.  Alcohol intensifies this effect. 

 

 

 

Hash #755 - The “Love Still Stinks” Hash

Hared by Kiel Bastard, Trouser Snake and Eat Me For Breakfast

Cleveland Park, Washington DC

 

Ah, yes, the glorious smell (stench) of love is in the air.  Everywhere I look, couples are uninhibitedly displaying their affection for each other.  Regard, for instance, Spinal Tap and Hasher Humper gazing lustfully into each other’s eyes.  Observe Dumb and Dumber and Celtic Climax whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears.   And over there, PoodleF*cked and his bitch Dan tonguing each other uncontrollably.   They cannot resist each other on this day, my favorite day of the year – Valentines Day  – because it is a day for lovers, no?  No doubt the luscious dark beer that Never Saw Him Cumming is serving is the perfect aphrodisiac for a crowd such as this. 

 

Ah ha ha, and there are so many beautiful young ladies with that certain je ne sais quoi, I cannot decide which one to bestow my affections upon first…. Should I sneak up behind Tastes Like Turkey and coo softly in her ear?  Or should I grab Orange Ruffie and kiss her hand, her arm, her neck? Oo la la!  Or should I respectfully ask Fellatie Throw to show me how she got her name? Mais oui!  But what is this?  When I approach a nubile young femme such as Nippleless Cage in order to seduce her with my irresistible charms, she gets a funny expression on her face, screams and runs away.  How can this be?  Ah, she is playing hard to get.  Good! I like a woman who likes to play games.  I’m cumming to get you my love!

 

Now what are these wankers doing?  They are forming a lopsided circle and singing about a famous lover, Father Abraham.  Leading in the singing are three couples who are obviously madly in love, Dumb Blonde and Transparent D’s, Bullshit and Czech My Boosh, and Leave it In Beaver and Whore Moans.  Ah, and they are each shackled to their respective love slave with fur-lined handcuffs.  Very nice…they like it rough!   But I must plan my strategy for wooing the woman of my dreams, Puss ‘n’ Boots, who is looking very sexy with her long, red hair, perky breasts and pouty lips.  Le meow!!!  Holy Tit! has the right idea, no?  Apparently, he too wants to be shackled to a beautiful woman, so he has stolen the parking lot’s yellow chain barrier and he has snared Sloppy Ho and Blows My Mind, chaining himself into a manage a trois.   I must obtain one of these chains!

 

Wait!  Where are you all going, my honey plums?  Why are you all running away?  What stinks?  No, it is not me… I am wearing the finest French perfume.  Love stinks?  No, ma cherry, you just need a skilled partner such as moi!  Do not run through that gate and down the hill with the rest of these imbeciles.  Give in to your desires and experience ecstasy with me.   Alas, I am winded and I cannot keep up.  I will take a short cut and we will rendezvous in the woods of Rock Creek Park.  Ah, bonjour Just Tish and Just Neoma.    Tell me, what do you have planned for this special day dedicated to love?  What is that, Neoma?  I cannot believe my ears…you say Just Tish has been a vegetarian for 6 months and needs a hot beef injection?  What a coincidence - I just happen to have a beef tender loin right here.  No, don’t run away, my sweet potato pie!

 

Now where is everybody going?  Ah, they are running across Rock Creek on a fallen tree.  Careful, Short Bus Bitch, the cream of my eclair, you might fall in and soak yourself.  Then we would have to remove your clothes to dry them out. Don’t worry I will keep you warm, yes?

 

What is this?  We have reached Shitty Shitty Bang Bang so soon?  There is a hares' arrow on the path pointing in the opposite direction, but everyone is over here around SSBB replenishing themselves with the nectar of love, beer.   And who is this group approaching me with clothespins on their noses? It is Big Bang, Yank Me Out, WhereDaFaKhawe?, Rats Ass, Number 2, Lost in the Bush, and Wax On Whack Off and they appear to be pissed off.  Could it be that they are jealous because I am the world’s greatest lover? Oh, you think I stink monsieur WOWO?  Well I fart in your general direction! I don't wanna talk to you no more, you tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms! Your mother was a hamster and your Father smelt of elderberries! Now, go away, or I shall taunt you a second time-a!

 

Wait, Virgin With Mary, Ivy Licker, Latin Analyst, and For Sale Or Rent!  I was not talking to you.  Oh you are going back into the woods were we can have a love orgy.  Wait for me!  Ah but you are too fast.  I shall run on this trail up this big hill where I will be able to spy the object of my desire.  Yes, I see that Stool Sample, Yanky Crank, Back Snatch, Deep Ho, No Motion In My Ocean and Milk Me have the same idea.  Down below, everyone is scurrying around looking frantically for something – Love no doubt!  Oh, be still my heart… there in the distance is the subject of my wildest fantasies, $50 Bitch, running across the bridge.  Now she is turning around...  Yes my sausage basket, cum back to me!  We can make sweet music together.

 

Bonjour, Eat Me For Breakfast.  What is this red drink you are handing out?  Love potion sixty-nine?  Ah, yes, that should do the trick. Make sure Pork and Cheese drinks plenty of that. Then I can demonstrate how to put the pork in Pork and Cheese.  No, do not run away, my baked brie delight!  Where are you people going?  Everyone is running in different directions, some down Rock Creek and some crossing the creek and running up the hill. Up that hill, I see the flour that clearly marks the trail leading to my colony of bearded clams. It is too cold to run across the stream, so I will go downstream and cross at the bridge.  Zut Alors!  It is a bad trail. Well, Monsieur Dumb Blonde, we shall continue down this path and try to rejoin the group, yes?  No, I do not stink.  That is my animal aroma.  It drives women crazy. 

 

This dirt road around this mountain should lead us back to the trail.  But where are all the girls?  I have run down Klingle Road, up some deer paths, through some ivy, but there are no girls. Ah, but Trouser Snake, Kiel Bastard and Eat Me for Breakfast have left a trail of flour for me to through the residential area.  Yes, finally, there is SSBB and more importantly the girls. Where have I been all of your life?  But still they resist me.  Alas, all I can say is LOVE STINKS!!

 

On-On!  Ducky Le Pew

 

Virgins:

Laura Willis (Transparent D’s best friend in the whole wide world): “show me your wet spot!”

Eric Thomas (Pussy Tickler made him cum): “show me where you put your cupids arrow!”

Paul Friedman (made himself cum): “give me some sweet lovin’!”

Just Seth (Just Anna made him cum): “show me your ‘heart’ on!”

Jeff Lee (?)(Guinness made him cum?): “be my sugar daddy!”

And others who apparently did not make it to the circle:  Carl DeSantis, Matt Eiden, Tom Guerin, Kristen Stanton, Brian Free,

 

Visitors:

Microprick (home hash: Sir Walter Raleigh H3 in NC)

Poppa Cherry (home hash: OTH)

Queer as a $3 Bill (didn't get home hash)

 

Beer Bitch: 

Just Trinh, who was also donning an "I need a name" hat, but it was too cold to name him.

 

AnalVerseries:

RaiseMyTitanic (100 - she got her pewter mug!) and Harepie (25 – he got his plastic mug club mug!)

 

Violations:

During the run, I conducted a poll of what everyone’s plans for Valentine’s day are.  There was a special down down for all the people who did not have any plans, including Short Bus Bitch, Rats Ass, Master Piece, Just Tish, Just Neoma, Just Karyna, Butt Sniffer, Nippless Cage, and Big Bang.   You wankers need to get off your asses and ask these people out!

 

Puss ‘n’ Boots – auto-hashing

F*cking Genius - environmental

Hare Pie – trying for style points by rolling down the trail

Just Tish – wearing a pornographic shirt (“where the action is”) but not doing anything pornographic

KYB – carrying doggie poop bags but never using them

Blonde Roots wanted sex on trail and Blowin’ in the Wind for not giving her any!