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Hash #765 near Wolftrap (that’s in Virgin-ya) The Battle of San Jacinto Hash

Hares: Tastes like Turkey, Yeast Injection, and Swings Both Ways

For those of you who are historically challenged the battle of San Jacinto was the decisive battle that "won" Texas its independence from Mexico. The white guys, lead by Sam Houston wanted what is now the American Southwest. It just so happened all this land belonged to Mexico, and all white dudes, were there on a "work visa". So the white guys (the "Visitors") started shooting at the Mexicans (the "Home Team"). Of course this ticked off the Mexicans who sent their army up north to "whup ass".

After being throttled by General Santa Ana at the Alamo (later to become a rental car company), the white guys were pissed. Of course let’s not forget, they started it, by trying to take land that wasn’t even technically THEIRS. However, this technicality has never stopped anyone before; some of our best wars have been fought for this very reason alone. Hence another battle, this time at San Jacinto.

You ask why the history lesson? Well, because today’s hash was similar to the plight of those who fought this historic battle:

• Our hares Yeast Injection, Tastes Like Turkey, and SwingsBothWay choose a start that appeared to be "free" but belonged to others (private property).
• The battle for Texas pitted a bunch of rich white guys, against another country (Mexico). The hash pitted a bunch of deviants (hashers) against a rich white woman, who called the police because we were "trespassing" (at least in her own mind we were).
• Both fought over the principles of independence and freedom.
• Sam Houston’s men used the battle cry of "remember the Alamo." We use the battle cry of "More Beer!"
• Soldiers back then were unwashed, stinky and not too bright. Hashers now are unwashed, stinky and not too bright.

The similarities are uncanny- especially after a great deal of beer!

Okay, back to the main event. EvilJesus chatted with the Ho-moaner (say it out loud) in a valiant, attempt to charm and dissuade her. But alas to no avail. She called the cops on us anyway. Hash PR guy, PutsItsOut sorted it all out announcing we were parked on a "private" road. It also must have been a "secret" road as no one deemed it necessary to mark it a private drive and/or place "No Parking" signs anywhere (as hashers, we need all the hints we can get). Deciding not to risk it, we moved our cars and the circle to the access road. Of course the police showed up and RaiseMyTitianic and Former Hash PR guy, BigBirdTurd, spoke to the Police Lady, who not only seemed unconcerned about our presence but waved at us as she pulled away.

So we said hello to our Virgin Just Meg and our Visitor DapperSlapper from Hogtown, and followed the dusty trial into history--- for about a mile -- when we hit the beer check in Wolf Trap park.

There was more trail, part of which went through a girls soccer game. Fortunately this did not result in ANOTHER call to the cops. Never place very young girls, near hasher men. This must have been where EataPuss lost most of his blood, as he was bleeding profusely from his calves. Somewhere prior to that, TitsAhoy and hare, Swingsbothways, switched undergarments, as he appeared wearing her bra and a big smile. The trail, unlike many wars, was short and to the point, and pretty much over with before your beer could get warm.

Seen cavorting wildly about at the circle were HaveDickWillTravel, CelticClimax, TipperWhipper, BullShit, BOB, PutYourHeadBetweenMy, PimpofSarajevo, TeenieWeeniePeenie, WhoreMOans, LeaveItinBeaver, Diaper, CumSquat, and well, there were more…

• The Hares
• SwingsbothWays for wearing a bra
• TitsAhoy, for giving away her bra
• DumbandDumber for running the Boston Marathon
• GreatBallsofFire, Vibrator and MicroSoft for racing that morning
• YankyCrank for whining about the beer
• EvilJesus for trying to do a good deed
• WaxOnWaxOff for picking up dog poop on trail
• PullsitOut for being beaten up so badly by his last date he was wearing a knee brace
• Yeast Injection and TasteLikeTurkey for being Twinkies
• AlmondJoy for remaining sexless on trail

NeverSawHimComing – 69

WellDrilled –100

We had three very solemn occasions, three namings and boy do we need the practice! As the scribe failed to write down the stories, here’s the cliff notes version:

JustLiz: Something about taking credit card transactions for airlines.

Suggested names were Delayed Gratification, One$Ho, Piece of Art, TightInTheToilet, BLAAACH Tulip, De Flower, I’dBuyThat for A$, Air Cunnilingus, EverydayisAssSex, SemenHo, TakesitFromBothEnds, TWA.T, MixMatchedSet, PokeMe. We choose TWA.T.

JustAlan: Something about being a scientist, working with small furry animals

Gerbil, GerbilScout, MouseFucker, Rat, Fucker, BlueBells, PearlNecklace, GerbilJiz, CarpetBaggin’, EverydayisAssSex, ZenMasterbater, CumBuzzlingGutterSlut and Dick-a’Lick-a’Lick…Dick-a’Lick-a’Lick was hoisted on JustAlan.

JustJosh (also acting Beer Slut that day)- can’t even remember what the story was.

BlueBalls, NeverDriven, JizBucket, EverydayisAssDay (see at trend here?!) Riding Bitcch, Driving Ms.Daisy, Flatuent Something (can’t read my writing), Passenger 69, Always Gets Driven, Buying Short and the WINNER was!! SitOnMyInterFace!!!