White House Hash House Harriers

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"In Beer we Trust"

May 20, 2001

The 769 Hash Trash:

Bigger, Longer and Uncut

WH4 Run #769: "You Blew Us, We Owe You"
Location: Ft Hunt Park, Virgin-ya
Hares: Raise My Titanic, Fag & Number 69 (minus 67)

Foreplay

Over 100 harriers and harriettes came for the 769 hash, to make it one of the largest hashing orgies of the year. This was the anxiously anticipated sequel to last week's hash, the "Blow Us and We'll Owe You One," and everybody was here to collect. The announcement for this monumental occasion proclaimed, "Because there is no better way to say 'I love you' than giving while you're getting, WH4 celebrates its love for you by giving, giving, giving." Just what was being given, given, given was left open, but PoodleFucked verbally wished for it to be head, head, and more head.

As we arrived, Jail House Cock, WhereDaFaKhawe?, and Mr. Softy were erecting a new WH4 acquisition, the 69 Tent. Watergate, $50 bitch and No Genitals observed this display of testosterone rather coquettishly. As soon as the tent was fully upright, WDFK queried who would be the first to christen the tent, but when Fag eagerly volunteered to service all 3 erectors, things broke up rather quickly.

Each and every wanker in attendance was scoping out the crowd, looking to hook up for a little oral action with the hasher of their dreams (or at least one that was warm and breathing.) As far as Captain Titanic was concerned, Raise My Titanic lived up to her name, as the good Captain's prow was noticeably protruding. However, much to his dismay, RMT had no intentions of going down on the ship with him, for her eyes were on More Than a Mouthful. So what if her eyes are bigger than her mouth…she knows where to store leftovers. Bavarian Bush had been summoned from a long absence by word that there is a new harrier in town, 2 Lips in the Bush, and she was deviously planning an encounter for 2 Lips and her bush. Even Big Dick No Brains had amorous aspirations today, knowing that there was a post-hash barbeque planned, and where there's a cookout, there's a good chance there will be some apple pie. Harriettes such as TipHerWhipHer and Sloppy Ho speculated that Mitey Tite would be the perfect 69 partner, on account of his massive height. While he's doing the girl there's no way she could reach up to service him… unless he's really well endowed! Meanwhile the men were pondering over which harriette would have the best control over her gag reflex. EatAPuss tried to demonstrate the proper deep throating technique with Sucks It Blue's 10 foot drinking vessel, but he was un-suck-sess-full in swallowing the entire load.

Some 69 Action

As we circled up, one could not help but notice that every single hasher was marked with the number of the hash, 69, because as we checked in we were instructed to pin hash numbers to our shirts (or asses in the case of And How's Her Bush). These hash labels noted it was WH4 run 769 and everyone signed up was hasher number 69 (fitting, eh?) It was almost like a r*ce, but if we were r*acing for anything it was to be the first to give and/or get head… in some cases the foam at the top of your mug, in other cases, well, you know…

After meeting the virgins and visitors, and clueing them in to just what they had gotten themselves into today, we sang Father Abe, culminating it with a cry of "sixty…. nine-me!" Then were on-on. We started off running through Ft. Hunt Park, ever mindful of the hares advice to pay close attention to flour. Sure enough, there was no flour to be found, but RMT steered us in the right direction and we eventually picked up trail. We ran down a wooded trail and then into a residential area. TipHer WhipHer was noticably limping, and when asked said she thought she had broken her hip. Back Snatch said she must have been doing 69 completely wrong if she broke her hip and offered to show her a proper, safe technique for the position. I didn't see either of them the rest of the hash… Meanwhile, Well Drilled had pointed out to Bavarian Bush precisely who 2 Lips in the Bush was, and she was looking for shortcuts through the woods for their impending encounter.

We then cut through an undeveloped area and ran right through a huge patch of poison ivy that 4 Sale or Rent was nice enough to point out as soon as I was right in the middle of it. Just then, Evil Jesus emerged from a side trail that was well off of true trail and announced that there was no flour that way. Satan speculated that he was off performing miracles again, giving himself 69.

We hashed on and on and on (and on-on and not-on but then back-on mixed with a few on-backs and on-on again, and then on-up and on-down and further on-down and even way-on-down and back up for air for a second, then on-down again and on-up-down-up-down-up-down, and then oh, my god! yes, Yes, YES!)

About an hour into the trail, having not yet cum upon the beer stop, the pack realized exactly why the start was 2 hours early today… So the hares could set such a monstrous, ass kicking, 69-er. But we were truly amazed because of the original 4 scheduled to hare, 2 completely bagged and Fag was sick as a dog. Then we remembered that it takes a long time to fulfill Raise My Titanic. So the 69 action continued. At this point I have to confess that I had planned to do some investigative reporting on the act of 69, but, you see, $50 Bitch has been having these headaches lately, so that nixed those plans. (I was able to find some good information on the Internet, though.)

Then we came to a check mark marked like this:

As the pack stood puzzled at this intersection, some guy pulled up in a Honda Accord and asked us if we were lost and needed directions. As he pulled out his map, Dumb and Dumber asked him if the beer stop was on his map and if so how to get there. Microsoft told the guy to look in map coordinates U-69. Finally someone yelled on-on to the left and we were off again. We ran past a school playground. Evil Jesus could not resist the swing set, and as he was swinging he was heard singing, "let the little children come to me, and do not send them away…"

Finally, we reached the beer stop. As we downed cold beer, most of the deviants continued with the objective of the day, 69. Cyclops was busy trying to convince Latin Analyst to kiss the one-eyed monster, but she knew it to be a myth. Leave it in Beaver seemed to be having more luck and appeared to be well on his way to getting some. One can only imagine what Whore Moans actually does moan during 69… Leave it in Beaver. Leave IT IN, Beaver!!

We were at the beer stop for quite a while and hashers kept straggling in. At first, it appeared that Put it Out was DFL, but he announced that there were a multitude of wankers still to cum. Soon thereafter, Mr. Softy, Watergate, Hops, Asshopper and Just Mitchell wandered in. Either Watergate was a very busy woman, or something kind of kinky was going on…

As everyone was finally there (except Missing Link, who must have gotten lost on trail) we circled up and Just Scott was named the beer bitch, because he failed to bring a hoard of exotic foreign virgins to the 769 hash.

A Screaming Climax

As the trail resumed, several of the people on the runners trail converted to walkers, including Twasssup!, Sloppy Ho, Mr. Softy, 4 Sale or Rent, Teeny Weeny Peeny and Don't Let Your Meat Loaf. I have to admit, I was tempted by the walkers trail myself, but I felt obliged to record the events of the runners trail. Fortunately, it was a bit shorter than the first half. We ran through more residential areas, through more poison ivy and eventually through a hole in a fence that magically returned us to Ft. Hunt Park. There, the taps in Shitty Shitty Bang Bang were flowing freely and Number 2 had the grill stoked up, so we all got drunk and ate wieners. Meanwhile, Bavarian Bush was heard calling, "2 lips, where are you??"

The 769 Circle

Virgins

Just Richard, Just Irene and Just Baby Johanna

Visitors

Just Justin (Qatar H3), Packed with Semen (MVH3), Just Rich (DCH3), Just Mitchell (Palo), Mini Brew (Balt/Ann H3), Back Seat Box (Balt/Ann H3) and DapperSapper (Hogtown)

Long Time, No See'ers

Bavarian Bush, Blowin' in the Wind, Blonde Roots, Captain Titanic, Circle Jerk, Hops, Perkaset, Das Beaver, Roxymoron, Vominatrix, Pay Per View, Mama View and Papa View

Anal-verseries

Mug Club (25 runs): Satan and Teeny Weeny Peeny

Das Beaver (50), Pimp From Sarajevo (50), $50 Bitch (100) and Well Drilled (100). Get a Life, y'all!

Violations

Then we had some very Solemn Occasions:

Just Lance was summoned into the circle. He was decked out in some serious beige polyester pimp pants, which he proceeded to remove, much to the delight of RMT. The scoop on Just Lance is that he is an engineer, we have shitty weather on every hash he shows up at, and his favorite farm animal is the farmer's wife. The initial suggestions were Mr. Rogers, Poly Up Your Asster, Poly Penis, Pecker Protector, Farmer's Wife, Edible Complex, Wrinkle Free Rubber and Sux Cock for Money. There were also a lot of "Lance" suggestions, including Lance That Boil, Lance That Virgin, Lance Dick Strong, Sir Lance-a-little, and Sir Lance Not so Lot. Eventually, keying on his profession as a mechanical engineer, EataPuss or possibly Holy Tit suggested Erection Set. This proved to be stiff competition for the other names, so Just Lance is now known at WH4 and everywhere else as Erection Set.

Next Just Bobbie (Asshopper's significant other…lucky guy!) was brought into the circle and assumed the position. We were informed that used to be a med tech on some ship and she has travelled to a lot of exotic places like Jamaica. She is now working as a travel agent. See a trend here? Her son is a hasher too, and everyone was quite pleased that she has raised her children well. Name suggestions were Oral History, Gets Around, Good Ship Lollipop, Corruptor and World Wide. We started voting, but with the circle chanting World Wide, there was no need. Henceforth and forevermore, Just Bobbie shall be called World Wide.

HASHIT: The hash shit was not present today because Assfinder, to whom it was awarded last week, is carrying it all 26 miles of the Great Wall of China marathon. However it was noted that also missing in action today was Ivy Licker who was supposed to be a hare today. Even more heinous was that the pack was deprived of the shot checks she was supposed to provide. Therefore, Ivy was awarded the hashit in absentia.

As the 769 circle was cumming to a close, the co-Grand Mistresses of WH4, $50 Bitch and Raise My Titanic, made a very special announcement. $50 Bitch knelt down to pray for beer, camping, beer, hashing, beer, tubing, beer, food, beer, live bands and beer. And her prayers have been answered. WH4 Vacation Bible Camp will be July 20-22, 2001 at Little Orleans, MD. Registration forms are now available. Sign up today for the low, low cost of $30.

OnOn, ducky

 Special Contest Announcement:

 

In preparation for Vacation Bible Camp weekend, the White House Hash House Harriers are happy to announce the "WH4 Best Bare Breasts Contest." The winner will be crowned Ms. Best Breasts 2001 on Saturday, July 21, at Vacation Bible Camp. Breasts will be rated on overall visual quality, which will be calculated from composite scores in perkiness, size, jiggliness, lickability, and poke-your-eye-out-ablity. Co-scribes Mitey Tite and Duckjob will be the honorable judges for this event. You may enter in person or by e-mail. To enter in person, simply flash the scribes and your entry will be rated and recorded. To enter by e-mail, send hi-resolution digital pictures to duckjob@beer.com . Color photos will also be accepted by direct submission to the scribes. The odds of winning increase with the number of entries. Good luck and may the best tits win!

 

 

 

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