White House Hash House Harriers

For Directions and Information call 202-PUD-JAM0/202-232-HASH

Check us out on line: www.dchashing.org/wh4

"In Beer we Trust"

May 28, 2001

"All the Shit that Fits"

Hash No. #770 – Memorial Day Hash

Start: Ballston, Arlington, VA

Hares: Microsoft, Blackbox, Vibrator, Just Mark, Late Cummer

This trash is dedicated to the mammaries of hashers who cravenly fought for cuntry, gave head in the face of spraying cumfire, resisted the enema without regard to personal hygiene, and yes those who made the ultimate sacrifice – giving up their honor, dignity and virginity to the likes of Big Dick No Brains, No Genitals, Bundling Board, Blow Job, Fucking Genius, Ground Chuck, Poodle Fucked, Packed In Tight (Danno) Duck Job, Horny Toad, Leave it in Beaver, French Toasted, Dangerously Close, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, Mounting Mama and Mother's Lay.

As hash time approached, your fearless scribe rolled in from PoodleFucked’s Pennsyltucky Hashing Weekend with WOWO and Bad Ditch, just in time to circle up with the unwashed White House masses and several White Trash visitors. This was an interesting transition from stoned deadheads to the dead from the redneck up (friends of Evil Jesus).

Puts It Out called upon the hashers wearing flag on the ass decals to step forward and lead us in Father Abraham. Various Trailerpark Trash stepped forward, Asshopper and Evil Jesus among them.

As we set off into the little Salvador section of Arlington, I was reminded of the lengths that people go to get to the U.S, land of the free beer and home of the brainless harriers. I could go on about how we ran in concentric circles around Ballston and aimlessly thru Glen Carlyn and Lubber Run Parks while the lame-ass Hares conspired to make the runners to miss the beer check. But instead I will focus on oral histories of warfare by some of our more scholarly hashers (known for their good head).

I sped to up to ButtPlug and Necrofeelmyass to investigate their knowledge of American military history and maybe cop a feel or two. Just as I made my move, FAG loped along and complimented BP and Necro on their shapely butts, but then muffed it by noting how much they had reduced their butt size for summer swimsuit season. Ouch! Undaunted, I plunged in for their analysis of the Revolutionary War. ButtPlug recalled that General Washington was standing erect when he crossed the Delaware because Martha gave great gum jobs after removing her wooden teeth. Necro said that the real reason George won the war is because he was a cherry poppin’ Daddy with such good wood the Tory ladies gave it up without a fight. FAG said that Benedict Arnold got a bum rap for switching teams and dipping his quill in the brown inkwell.

Next, I ran up to Kumsoon and Don’t Let Your Meatloaf to continue my research. Surely these two Army brats could supply some history of the War of 1812. According to Kumsoon, General Tchaikovsky used his big cannon to invade Dolly Madison’s hindquarters, leaving a burning hole in the White House. Meatloaf reminded her that Old Hickory slipped in some wood too.

Moving on to the Mexican War, I approached Sucks it Blue for his take. He thought I said Mexican whore and ran into the barrio looking for one. Golden Showers said that the Mexican War was a conquest of South of the Border, a notoriously bad truck stop where American forces invaded the gift shop to stop the trade of fake poop and vomit and other hideous articles that violate the norms of international law.

Next I approached southern belle Amkneesia for a summary of the Civil War. She said the War Between the States was all just a little misunderstanding over the mispronunciation of about 3000 words of the English language and a few etiquette violations. Miss Ann said she would continue to train northern boys in the proper way to engage a lady in polite intercourse. Dairy Queen said the Civil War was started by this burning hot Scarlett O’Hara chick who got plowed by old Uncle Tom in his cabin when her wimpy husband with the girl name of Ashley left town, and her backdoor man, Redass Butler, buggered out too. After that, thousands of drunken Irishmen from the North cum south in search of tasty Southern poontang and moonshine.

For analysis of the Spanish American War, I turned to EatAPuss, Two Lips in the Bush and Shellacking the Bishop. They said Teddy Roosevelt organized a band of New Yorkers from the Village who dressed up as tough looking soldiers and sailors. Some of them put on chaps and called themselves Rough Riders. These tan, buff hunks with handlebar mustaches really wanted to take an excursion to the islands. They got on the Maine, a cruise ship to Havana, and someone went down on a hot latino guy who wasn’t totally out, which started a snarling, bitch slapping cat fight.

For early 20th Century history, I turned to World War I veteran Hymen Dickover. He told me that in World War I, German guys in pointy hats wanted their fair share of Alsace and Lorraine, a couple of hot provincial babes from the South of France. The Krauts just had a stiffie in the lederhosen when they crossed the border, but they got pissed off when they couldn’t find a decent beer in all of France, plus the cheese really smelled foul and the fact that no one bathed on either side made it really ugly.

I asked Holy Tit for his account of World War II. It seems the Germans were up to no good again. This time they really got pissed off and bombed Pearl Harbor and Japanese tourists took over Hawaii. Now people are arguing about setting up these huge obelisks on the Mall as a memorial just because it’s 2001 and some doofus saw Space Odyssey and tripped out on that Wagnerian Kraut music.

Next, I ran up to Fucking Genius for a briefing on the Korean War. He said that the Korean Conflict was about control of corner stores and hot dog stands in Downtown DC. Then the Chinese Red Army went into business and started a pissing match with General MacArthur of the DC Redskins over a plate of General Tsao’s Chicken. MacArthur said I shall return in 10 minutes, and then sucker punched the Reds while they were on the horn jotting down take-out orders.

Finally I phoned Big Bird Turd for the scoop on the Vietnam War. All I could get out of him were bullshit stories of drunken helicopter pilots airlifting Marlon Brando’s huge ass upriver in a sling. His whole bullshit story was ripped off from Heart of Darkness by Robert Conrad, the guy who did the battery commercials and then turned into Will Smith in the Wild Wild West.

Number 2 then insisted no account of our nation’s war heroes would be complete without a tribute to Desert Storm veterans, such as himself. I agreed, just so he could get laid. Apparently, our fightin’ boys and babes did such a bang up job in Kuwait and Iraq that no one had time to get laid over there. Even when No. 2 did try to nail an Arab chick, he’d pull up the veil and find some camel queen looking like PoodleFucked waiting to take his howitzer doggy style. Anyway, it seems the Islamic penalty for every kind of fucking (except poodle fucking) involves amputation of the appendage. Not wanting to lose a third leg, No. 2 and the Desert Storm crew kicked ass to get back to the USA to start chasing hashers like Doesn't Miss a Drop.

Violations: Evil Jesus was cited for wearing a confederate thong and tightie whities, but his more egregious crime was bringing a slew of virgins with huge boobs in slutty clothing, but failing to deliver even one tit out for the boys in the dawn's early light. Golden Showers and Oil of Nolay were accused of having poofter puppies on the leash, Yukon Drill Me for leaving her high beams on constantly, Bavarian Bush for starting WWII, Mello4Skin for whining about the recycled trail and claiming personal ownership. SuxItBlue for new shoes and autohashing with Put Your Head Between My Legs. GBOF, Elmo and Big Dick No Brains for racing paraphernalia and ratting out others, and Trowser Snake for habitual offenses.

Long Time No Seers: Amkneesia, 38 Long and Eager Beaver were eagerly violated.

Awards for Most Patriotic Wardrobe: Evil Jesus took the male prize for his panty patriotic theme. On the more feminine side, Horny Toad, Spurt Plus and Virgin Yes They Float competed for the boobie prize but lost by twat hair to Virgin Wonder Woman, who unaccountably refused to display her red, white and blue tatas for her admirers.

Beer Bitch: Just Mark (Newell)

Virgins:
Chad Davis
John Fury
Sue Bradan
Steve Cibor
Jem Gregory
Katie
Johnny D
Tom Decrescente
Darren Smith

Visitors:
Dr. Groper
- Kuwait H3. Will cum regular now at WH4.
Paula Church - Argentina H3

Renaming: Retracted by WH4 MM

AnalVersaries: None

Hashit: Assfinder is still stroking it on the Great Wall of VaChina.

Happy Trails, MiteyTite

>Happy Trails, MiteyTite