White House Hash House Harriers
For Directions and Information call 202-PUD-JAM0/202-232-HASH
Check us out on line: www.dchashing.org/wh4
"In Beer we Trust"
Warning: This paper
contains 30% trashes. May cause hot
flashbacks and
wet dreams. Alcohol
intensifies this effect.
WH4 Run #810:
Location: Ravensworth Shopping Center, Springfield, VA
Hares:
Put It Out, KY Belly and Just Derek
It was most winter like as our band of merry White House
Hashers converged on Springfield. A
blizzard of epic proportions had blown in the day before, and thus we had snow
on the ground for a WH4 hash for the first time this year. That brought back
fond memories of the last time we had snow, on Feb 6, 2000, in Fort Reno Park where
we circled up in a field of snow sporting a crusty coat of
ice. Remember when PerkASet found an asteroid crater buried in the
snow and sank nearly to her arse, much to our delight! And $50 Bitch dispensed red anti-freeze
in dixie cups. That was all it took to return warmth and circulation to
blue extremities. Thankfully, we had a large cooler of hot toddy at
Sunday’s hash, too, to keep us warm.
The cold weather brought with it a pair of Russian beauties,
Multiple Rocket Launcher and Just Laura, who assured us that this
was nothing compared to the frozen tundra of their homeland. Just Laura
was the mirror image of a James Bond Spy Who Loved me Lady, wearing a
fashionable white, fur cap and a matching fur lined coat. Too bad Double Blow 7 wasn’t around.
Big Bang, Wax On Whacks Off, Poodle Fucked, Bad Dog and other hashers were speculating
that since Put It Out and KY Belly were hares, and taking into
consideration proximity to the Beltway, we were probably going to traverse a
shitload of tunnels on this trail. Big Bang grimaced as he recalled the
14 tunnels of mud trail that PIO co-hared back in March, where we
came upon tunnel after tunnel after tunnel.
Just Laura, a nice virgin who we never saw again after that hash,
looked like a deer in the headlights when she realized there was no way around
the first gruesome, nasty tunnel. We
made it through, thinking that would be the worst of it, only to be confronted
by a second and third tunnel. Poodle Fucked stated that the
copiousness of the feces and scum in these tunnels amounted to cruel and
unusual punishment. Bad Dog was a bit more succinct,
summing it up with the comment, “those asshole hares!” Peeking Duck had to be extracted from the mud, and even worse, Have Dick Will Travel did a total face
plant. OUCH! Only WoWo seemed to actually be
looking forward to the possibility of such a grungy hash.
Still, the prospect of hashing in the snow excited hashers
from the north, like Two Lips In Her Bush, Assfinder, and $50 Bitch,
who has been bitching non stop that DC sucks because it has no winter.
Unfortunately, as we started running, it became all too clear that the snow on
the trails had partially melted and mixed with the black dirt to form a
muddy-slush mix. It was fuckin’
hilarious watching all the wankers trying to scramble down the muddy hills. On
one hill, Fag went down hard on his ass and slid the rest of the way
down. Eventually, the runners came to a
creek crossing and the shot check, but it would be some time before the walkers
showed up, because they were lost on trail.
After a long time at the shot check, the walkers grumpily swaggered in
led by what looked like a red-headed Ziggy Stardust. It was TipHerWhipHer
with a new hair-do, and she complained that the trail wasn’t marked and the
directions were sketchy. Tipper
reminisced that it was just like a couple of weeks ago in North East DC, where
it was raining like crazy and the walkers map got wet and was rendered totally
undecipherable. The walkers wandered
around aimlessly for what seemed like an eternity, and then headed back to the
start, never to reach the beer stop.
We left the shot check and ran through some pedestrian
tunnels and over a bridge across the Beltway where a group of delinquents were
compelled to moon the drivers below.
Luckily, no one was hurt. Bolo Head Rat tried to start an
impromptu snowball fight, but since he couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn, no
one was provoked into returning his volleys.
Then we came to an unsolvable check.
There were several ways to go but we couldn’t find hash anywhere. Dumb and Dumber recalled that this
was just like the impossible check on the 769 trail, where the pack stood
puzzled at the intersection. Some guy pulled up in a Honda Accord and asked us
if we were lost and needed directions. As he pulled out his map, Dumb and
Dumber asked him if the beer stop was on his map and if so how to get
there. Microsoft told the guy to look in map coordinates U-69.
We
eventually got back on trail and finally made it to the beer stop, where we
gulped down our favorite beverage and mingled about. The hares directed us out of the beer stop, pointing the tough
runners toward a deep, cold creek that we were forced to cross. Semen on the Pew noted the similarity
to crossing the river Potomac at Vacation Bible Camp, and quoted the WH4
Vacation Bible, “The river was swift and threatened to sweep the hash
away. Many made the attempt and, swimming for their lives, struggled to
reach the far shore, well down hill. Spicy Tuna Roll was led
across, suspended between two male harriers, and she fluttered in the water
like a rag doll, but she was delivered safely to shore, only to find out that
just upstream it was required to re-cross again. Yet fortune looked
kindly upon the children of WH4 and they were delivered safely unto to the beer
stop, and they were delivered unto nourishment. After crossing the creek, we, too, were delivered unto the On-In,
and lots of beer.
Since the Religious
Advisor, Put It Out, was a hare today, he was absconded of all RA
duties.
$50 Bitch
opened the festivities with a toast to the hash.
VIRGINS:
Just Laura (Multiple Rocket
Launcher made her cum)
Just Larissa (Public
Transport made her
come)
Just Janelle (Easily Excited
made her come)
Just Colleen (no one made her come L)
VISITOR:
Used Tampax
from Richmond, Multi-Rocket Launcher from Moscow, and Cums Solo
from Tidewater
VIOLATIONS:
Next we paused for a
very solemn occasion.
We had a naming! Just
Derek was summoned in the circle to get down on his knees. He started hashing last summer in
Indianapolis, when he finally got a decent fake I.D. He likes all the positions
he has seen in porno movies and he is quite fond of pigs, those magical animals
that provide us with bacon, ham, pork and sausage. He works as a consultant for Price Water Coopers, or something
like that. Suggestions for Just
Derek’s name were Gag Reflex, Mr. Cokes on Dick, Spit Crew, Pocket Wad, Who’s
Your Daddy, Daddy’s Little Boy and Cumming of Age. These were all decent names,
but we were looking for something a bit more inspired. Finally Knee Me in the Balls and
Sing Me a Country Song suggested Looks Like a Kid, Drinks Like a Girl,
because we need more hashers with paragraph long names. The circle agreed, so henceforth, blah,
blah, blah, let’s refer to him as Looks Like a Kid, Drinks Like a Girl.
Pro-Boner
had the hash-it from last week for having a mental breakdown in the
circle. Apparently he hasn’t quite
recovered, so he did not have any nominations.
Someone suggested Just Larissa, the virgin from Russia with the
fur cap, should be nominated, but we nixed that because we’d probably never see
her again if we made her drink from the plunger. KY Belly and the hares were nominated for covering Griffin
shit with flower in an attempt to make some unsuspecting hasher step in
it. SuxItBlue’s name was
mentioned, but that’s not unusual in hash-it proceedings. Teeny Weeny Peeny suggested $50
Bitch should get the hash-it because she hasn’t been taking very good care
of the scribe, me, duckjob, because my balls appeared to be sagging
dramatically. In a runoff between the Bitch
and the Boner, the hash-it was bestowed upon $50 Bitch. Unfortunately, my odds of getting some
action any time soon are not looking good.
On-On! Ducky
Next Week’s Events:
WH4 Holiday Party 02/02/02 - get your jingle on!DATE: Saturday February 2, 2002TIME: 8 PM to 1 AMLOCATION: Arlington American Legion Hall 3445 Washington Blvd, Arlington VA (2 blocks North of the Virginia Square metro stop)COST: $30 until February 1st, $40 on 02/02/02
WH4 Trail #812
Sun Feb 3, 10 AMStart: Spinal Tap & HasherHumper’s houseAlexandria, VAHares: Spinal Tap & HasherHumpersWH4 Trail #813Sun Feb 3, 3PMStart: Good question…possibly Bethesda, MDHares: 2002 MismanagementOn-on-on: potentially The Barking Dog(stay tuned for an official announcement)