WH4 Hash: #815
Start:  Senior Citizen Center on Forest Glen Rd, Silver Spring, MD
Hares: Dumb Blond & Bite Me Elmo
Brew Crew: Free Refills & JackOffLantern
Beer Wench: Just Janie
 

In the absence of beer, on a trail set by a Dumb Blond hare whose spouse uses flash cards on the rear window to remind him of her emotional ass-umptions and cum-straits; in co-hoots with a harriette looking for a little S&M from Elmo – this Trash consists of retinal bites recapping the shitty trail gossip scribe-filtered by heavy hill breathing (14+/- f*cking Ups – without corrassponding downs!) a cumulative pre-hash beer intake of 72 ozs/2 hours, and excessive digital recordings of wind – non-odiferous.

 
On Hash!!

************Hasher Humper Busted************
Possible separation proceeding pending against Hasher Humper for cutting trail in ½ for private party with Bud.  Spinal Tap threatens to counter with St Pauli’s Girl.  Beer Slut offers to arbitrate.  His solution: brew confiscation …what a slut!
********Prison Prom Queen Wakes From Coma******
Flour substitutes present on the EWH3 ski trip last weekend finally released their hold on Prison Prom Queen.  Convinced by the f*cking cold seeping thru his short sleeve shirt that he was beamed to the wrong hash, he chanted incessantly ‘Wednesday men have sex alone’ (which BTW shocked Just Mike) until Free Refills, with those bodacious F*CK tights, administered medicinal amounts of ale.
******************Spinal Legation*****************
Spinal Tap discovers five substitutes (delegation, deputation, task force, group, embassy ) for TWIG’s ‘ribbed for your pleasure’ tight leg-ation.
*******Vominatrix Contemplates Religious Order!******
Shellacking the Bishop is lobbying via Meet The Parents methodology for Vominatrix to consider Mare-me-may-tricks.  Semi-retired to work on Shellacking techniques, Vom loaned special equipment to TipHer WhipHer. For bookings see THWH manager, Two Lips In The Bush.  Judging from the thickness of the wallet Two Lips returned to THWH, the $ take is…shall we say…ro-bust.
***************Hash ‘arwin Nominee***************
Raise My Titanic contemplated denouncement of her running problem and attempted to skip the Hash (wanker) in search of a different balls and holes hoops game.  Looking for a way to get drunk cheaply she mixed gasoline with milk.  Not surprisingly this concoction made her ill, and she vomited (see Ass Finder for alternate chemical compositions that will yield a similar result as per his Feb 16th research) into the fire of her fireplace.  The resulting explosion spooked her into returning to hash just as hashers circled-up…better late than never!
**********Druid Stone Secret Revealed**************
In preparation for St Patrick’s Day, Celtic Climax revealed to Just Marina the true purpose of the Druid Stone Hedge…they are an ancient salute to the real ‘snakes’ Father Patrick attempted to chase off of the island.  Trouser Snake claiming to be a descendant offered to show Multiple Rocket Launcher what made these snakes so special but CC’ incantation -- oh…oH….OH – caused Grab My Ass to topple over and give the ass-fault a full body ass-ault demonstrating another technique for solo grab ass.
************Burning Bush Finds A Cock************
While negotiating Silgo shiggy, a pair of legs sticking out from a make-shift body bag captured the attention of Burning Bush.  Doing a Dr Quincy imitation for Just Kyle, BB conducted a field autopsy.  In spite of numerous lacerations, BB declared the legs belonged to a real fighter of a cock!
*******Lemming Check Suckers Walkers************* While those that chose to exert less force against mother earth ran the glute-master hills (‘La Guta Madre’ por El Caminito) in search of beer, the other half of the hare-o-dynamic force moved with diligence and patience toward beer (Bernoulli’s Principle).  Runners and walkers converged in accordance with the laws of physics to the beer check.  Cumming on from the check, the walkers lead by More Than A Mouthful were told to go straight thru shiggy to Silgo Creek and then turn left.  So over the hill and through the shiggy the walkers went on trail and then it was…left onto Silgo Creek Road…left onto Silgo Creek Parkway…left onto Silgo Creek Trail??? (Say Silgo Creek 3x real fast while under the influence for a different type of mouthful!)
******Scribe Distracts Police During Larceny Case******
Almost Just Kevin and Almost Just Chuck attempted to use the pre-trail antics of WH4 as cover for discussions concerning courses of action to track an area larcenist.  One of your friendly scribes, with an itch for a virgin in uniform that is now 14-days old, approached two Montgomery County Police Officers.  Recruitment efforts were distracting for the ‘almost virgins.  More importantly hashers had time to camouflage their ale, but failed to produce a virgin for the scribe.  Road Whore’s critique: approach with less layers.
*********Just C-Karla Demands Dis-Claimer!*********
Need lessons on hash-tough, go talk to Pay-Per-View’s virgin-no-more Just C-Karla?  She has cornered the ass-ertive market enumerating that her Nerd name is K-arla not C-arla.  For those of you who are C-K impaired please view the following graphical identification and alpha-sequencing of Just C-Karla!

 
           K                  A            R            L            A

*****************Hash Marks*****************
Great Balls of Fire witnessed Leave It In Beaver tagging fellow hashers. Being chalk-less, GBOF got creative and decided to use snot to tag the unsuspecting. (Note:  Tagging is another label for graffiti.  We the scribes would have used the word graffiti, but we did not want our readers to think GBOF and LIIB ran ‘round beaming from PDAs.)
***********Mis-Serious Announcement**********
If you actually get an ow-ee on trail, Trouser Snake (who likes to emulate St Bernard) always carries first aid (note the wine vessel).  Tampax is also an EMT & will work on any type of ow-ee for beer!!

Photos by Road Whore…see more Feb 17th  Trail snatch shots @ http://photos.yahoo.com/rd_whore
or use the link @ www.dchashing.org/wh4

 
                      Grab My Ass                           Trouser Snake
“Put your right leg out, Put your left leg out, Spread ‘em at the knees and ….”

****************WH4 Ass-aulted WLH3*************
WH4 visitor to London mugged WLH3 hasher for map of London Underground.  If you see a hasher with a West London Hash House Harrier shirt depicting the underground trails of London immediately chose one of the following courses of action: (1) Report this hasher by name to the nearest GM and down an Ale; (2) Look the other way and drink more Beer; (3) Call this hasher out by name and DEMAND a down-down with a Stout for not bringing back enough shirts to share.
******************Hash Coupling*****************
Battery Operated Buddy and Roxy Moron mimicked the Olympic mantra of practice-practice-practice and continuously rehearsed the theory of 2-4-body warmth while on trail (oh please…stop being so cuddly cutesy!).  Having perfected a cuddly cutesy technique (actually the long program is supposed to be quite inspiring) the Gold Matri-moany Medal was awarded to Dry Cock and Nippoles Cage on Feb 20th.

 
 
Beer Wench…Just Janie!!
Circle-Antics:

Virgins:
Just Russell “Whan-na Bam Pam” Anderson
Just David “I Got Toys” Schwartz
Just Kyle “Crush My Nuts” Mosteller
Just Judy “Sexual Judgment” Frasier
Just Marsha “Thigh Master” Dewees

Visitors:
Sir Flatulot-Daytona HHH
Burning Bush-DCH4

Long Time No Seer Candidate:
Teenie Weenie Peenie is going to do trail for the next 2 years in Belgrade…stay safe!

Anal-versaries:
Saddle Up - 25
Virgin Avec Mary – 69
#2 aka El Segundo – 269

Violations:
Beer Abuse:  Doesn’t Miss A Drop for purposely dropping 3051 drops of beer during the beer check.
R*cing gear:  Two Lips (Note: the shirt for the CO Ultra Team Relay is a r*ce that never took place), French Toasted, And How’s Her Bush, and Tip Her Whip Her  for thinking they are doing USMC marathon route – you sillies, hills are Boston or…; Vom for NYC Marathon
Time Mis-management:  WOWOTM for starting the 3:00 hash at 3:15 versus 3:30 (awe…was someone cold?)
Environmentals: El Caminito, Evil Jesus, Prison Prom Queen, Just Manny, Jesus Bitch
Identity Crisis:  Just Manny aka Clark Kent aka Superman?
Phone Sex on Trail: Virgin Avec Mary
Just Sex on Trail:  Evil Jesus with AHHB
Attitude: AHHB sleeping during the beer check (reason: see above violation)

 
        And How’s Her Bush recharging during
 beer check after holy bush experience.
More Violations
Gravity Ass-ault:  Grab My Ass for a full body-blacktop hug going into the beer check.  Will someone please tell her road rash on the face t’aint great.  Evil Jesus for falling over backwards while putting on his sweatpants.  When standing my friend, insert legs ONE at a time!!
Loyalty:  Raise My Titanic and Hasher Humper for cutting part to all of trail.
Scribe-bribery:  F*ck ‘Em Dan-O
Pre-Drink Exercising: Swings Both Ways for claiming he is training to do 12-oz curls (w/o 12-oz in hand.)

 
Diaper, Teenie Weenie Peenie, Doesn’t Spill A Drop,
Raise My Titanic, Trouser Snake, Virgin Avec Mary
chant
“Drink it down-down-down…why are we waiting…”
****************************************Featured Circle Event – The Naming!!

WOWO christens TN’Eh!
(formerly known as Just Michelle)

It was really cold and windy “Wee Bit Nipply” just like another day on trail when Just Michelle under-covered  “Roll-Her Over” with cotton plugs in her ears scowling “Ornery Bitch” at the GMs’ as if they were responsible for the miserable weather. Cold “Frigid Bitch” and shaking, she likened the shivering with the young men she favors and stalks like a cougar “Middle Boys In The Hall” at school.  Sometimes she trades her feline senses for the sex-ensibility of Mrs. Robinson “Mom I’d Like To Fuck”.  Refusing to acknowledge/deny her preferences for young boys “Kinder Slut”, any sexual position “Great White Hoe,” and any animal in a dirty barn she replaced the cotton plugs “Toxic Slut Syndrome.”  Last videoed strutting down the hallways “Junior High Pimp” someone inquired if she had any fries to go with that shake “TN’Eh”!!

Up-Cumming events:

March 24th  Washington DC Marathon

Tore Ass is looking for 40 Hashers to volunteer their services at the Mile Marker 23 fluid station.  MM23 fluid station is located at the corner of 13th Street NW and W Street in the District.  Nearest Metro is “U St/Cardoon” on the Green Line.  Exit the station and walk two blocks south.  Start time is 08:00 AM and release time is 01:00 PM.  First folks are expected through this fluid station by 09:06 AM.  There is a McDonalds at 14th Street.  Please fill out a volunteer form at www.washingtondcmarathon.com so you can get a really kool T-shirt to wear to the Beer Madness Hash at 03:00 PM—get violated by your friendly scribes—get graded on your own fluid replenishment strategy!!  Also let Tore Ass know that you volunteered (mjford@ioip.com  or 703-465-0936, so he doesn’t have to clone himself.  Fire & Ice has all she can handle with just one Ass tear’n around!!

March 24th  Beer Madness Hash

Do a true traditional beer lovin’ hash with six types of that beautiful beverage known throughout the world as beer… and proposed cures for the runnin’ problem.  Special prize for those that show with a DC Marathon Volunteer or R*cer Shirt!!

May 5th MVH4 Baltimore AGM

SSSHHHH the details are still a secret…..

Next Hash:

Start: Somewhere in Alexandria
Hares: Pay Per View and Just Nicole
oN-oN: Deposit 50cents with Pay Per View
Dogs:  Maybe
Strollers: Maybe
Special Instructions: Unknown--see this week’s Hareline
Di-erections: Classified—de-tales coming soon to the WH4 website for a modest fee.

Hare Splits:

Dear Hare Splits,

The summer trail season is almost here. How can I get a few manly hares hairs on my chest?

Double Hareless

Dear Double Hareless:

You need to emerse yourself in something deep, black-brown in color.  Top yer’ self  off with a barley-white head, while inhaling the massive aroma of bitter chocolate, Spanish licorice and fresh tobacco.  The finish is tart and bitter…definitely a way to put hair on your chest!!

SmuttyNose Robust Porter.  Look for the bottle showing a circus strong man holding a beer cask and a woman.

oN-oN, Hare Splits

TTTHHHAAATTTSSS  All  Folks!!

WH4 Edition 021002,
Hash Trash,
“All The Shit That Fits”
(202) PUD-JAM0 and (202) 232-HASH
www.dchashing.org/wh4