WH4 Hash: #823
Start:  Huntington Metro
Hares: Closet Slut, Cum Scout, Put It Out
Brew Crew: Summer’s Eve, Number 2
Beer Buns: Just Austin

It was a beautiful day for hashing as we gathered in front of the Huntington Metro, yet everyone was leery about today’s trail. It seems word had gotten out that Cum Scout was a hare, and the hash knew of his ability to lay a shitty trail, since in the last two months he’s hared 4 to the power of 57SN (where S=Shiggy and N= No Life) times. Sucks It Blue attempted to calm everyone by distributing porn to the masses. This affected Tip Her Whip Her in strange ways since she immediately ripped the clothes from her body (though she may have just been changing, at the time, I was lost in the moment). ********** $50 Bitch eventually called everyone to circle. After a quick admonishment of Big Dick No Brains for leaving the Hashit at last week’s on-on-on, this week’s virgins and visitors were welcomed. Assfinder, sporting the latest in designer diapers, led the circle in Father Abe, and we on-on.  ********** Five Seconds into trail, Fuck ‘em Dano began to complain about the lack of shiggy they had encountered. No Genitals commented that the lack of shiggy was fine, given the amount on the past few trails. Her smile quickly ran from her face though as we reached the first creek of the day. The FRB’s plowed straight in, but T & Ehhh!! hesitated, due to her first hand knowledge of the costs involved in a trip to the emergency room. ********** On through rivers and fields, until we finally reached a Yucca check. After a quick down down we headed into a tunnel/sewer/hellhole. This perked the interest of For Sale or Rent, who wondered why the FRB’s were trying to spawn upstream, since true trail was down stream. Quickly, the pack realized its error and headed back for the Yucca, where Jag Queen said that since we had to run by it twice, we might as well drink it twice. We started off again, but Put It Out, stopped us, telling us we had missed a back check and hence BOTH beer checks. Panic gripped the hash, but TWIG quickly checked her GPS, and after calculating the shortest distance to beer with her infa-red  laser ranging gear, started to lay an on-fix trail.Down Telegraph Road we ran, passing a 7-11 parking lot where Ivy Licker was almost run over, though Shellacking the Bishop swore that she had thrown herself in front of the car in order to pick up the driver. Finally the pack picked up walkers trail. Organ Grinder with Ground Chuck echoing her sentiments insisted that since we were on walkers trail we should walk, but Diaper spied SSBB in the distance and the pack hurried into the check. ********** We were greeted by Leave It In Beaver, who had apparently mugged a homeless man for his fund raising sign. Having no luck, he gave the sign to Whore Moans, who began dancing with the sign and quickly started earning dollar bills from a very interested Asstroturf. It also seemed that Gaping Ho had put a flower behind her ear. Fourth Skin asked if she was trying to achieve a Hawaiian look, but she responded that all she wanted to do was get lei’d. ********** All to soon we were back on trail (so fast that I had to down down my beer). Soon arriving at a lake where TWIG had dawned hip waders interviewing Just Stuart. It appears when he was ‘working’ in Japan he had earned the nick-name of Mule. He was named at a third rate Karoke Bar by a group of Japanese men in poor polyester suits where they sang only Elvis and Frank Sinatra songs. This was more information than what Gaping Ho and Battery Operated Buddy could handle. ******** Thankfully it was time to make a decision for we were nearing the turkey eagle split, where many chose the eagle trail (still can’t figure this out… why take the long way?) We reached a base ball field, where Missed Erections and Peekaboob StreetWalker congratulated Big Dick No Brains on finally getting to second base. ********** I arrived at the beer check, and as I eagerly sought out Summer’s Eve and Number 2 for refreshment, I noticed that only Back Snatch, How’d He Fuckin’ Do Me, Poodle Fucked, and Snatch Shot were there, having taken a more mechanized means of transportation. I quickly realized that I was the first one into the check, which meant I had FRB’d a trail (shiver, that’s sobering, I need a beer).  As the pack filtered in, Wax On, Whacks Off, Southern Discomfort, and Coin Operated decided to turn an environmental break into a ménage a tois. Burning Bush arrived on the walkers trail, after running to the first check. When questioned, Sticky Pages and Bad Dog came to her defense, saying that she had helped them make their own shiggy.  Closet Slut told the pack that the walkers had to on-on early to finish in time, but she had told Hail Mary Full Of Jizz that the real reason was so she could get a manicure before the circle.  We decided that Just Austin would be the one to serve the beer at circle, several years before he could legally drink it, and we were on again, Eagles one way and turkey’s another. **********We quickly caught the walkers, where More Than A Mouthful, Jingle Jizz, and Road Whore where complaining about the amount of shiggy they would having to endure. Mitey Tite and Beer Slut out whined them, since they had switched walkers to the walkers due to the overwhelming amount of shiggy on the runners trail. RAS then warned them that he had spied another river crossing, inspiring Pay Per View and Pacific Rim Job to demonstrate the art of getting wet, much to the delight of Slip Knot. Once across, Looks Like A Kid, Drinks Like a Girl and Mr Softie quickly deduced that we had already been on this part of trail, partly from the pack markings, but mostly due to Vominatrix and Freddy Kreugar emerging from a nearby Best Western and asking what took so long. Mothers Lay was about to comment but Microprick reminded them that the Yucca was only a short distance away, and since Jesus’ Bitch, Golden Showers, and Semen on the Pew were ahead of them, we had better get moving if we wanted any. **********More Yucca (mmm mmm) inspired some to linger at the check, but Short Bus Bitch and Peeking Duck commented that being wet was good, but not when the wetness was your shoes. Wanting to help them out of their shoes and anything else that might be wet, The Pimp Of Sarajevo remind them that there was beer a short run away and we were soon running a trail we knew far to well. Finally we were on-in where I noticed I was the first one to arrive. AGAIN??? That’s it, screw the trash, I’m going to get a beer.

Virgins: Just Tom “I’m The Catcher” brought by Trouser Snake, Just Rosalee “Muddy Slut” brought by Freddy Kreuger,
Just Kendall “No Shit” brought by Whore Moans.

Visitors:  Stay Out Stay Alive from Los Angeles and 7 Cum 11 from Long Beach

Analverseries:  Pro Boner with 100 runs!!! Assfinder with 25 runs!!!

Laziness – Golden Showers for thinking we’re a drinking club with a biking problem, Snatch Shot, Back Snatch, How’d He Fuckin’ Do Me, and Poodle Fucked for autohashing, Burning Bush, Organ Grinder, Mitey Tite, Ivy Licker, and Beer Slut for switching to walkers.

Tardiness – A new violation for those who can’t get to the hash on time, thereby making Late Sign-ins necessary, causing Tipper to miss out on a lot of drinking. This weeks awards go to Goofy, Freddy Kreuger, Back Snatch, Beer Slut, and Looks Like a Kid, Drinks Like a Girl.

Wardrobe – Assfinder for wearing depends, Cum Scout for suspicious looking tan lines.

Poor Manners – Sucks It Blue brought the males porn, but didn’t bring the harriettes a single thing.

Foolishness – The Hares for assuming the pack bothers to read trail

Showboating – Just Tom for diving in the sewers, then asking the hash to rate his performance.

Not Leading By Example – Our GM’s Duck Job and WOWO for encouraging the hash to shortcut trail.

Sex on trail - $50 Bitch for hitting on little leaguers, Just Rosalee for pounding heads in tunnels, and RAS for using his tool on trail

Superior Physical Conditioning – Vominatrix and Shellacking The Bishop for racing a fifty miles, then dancing the night away, then doing eagle trail, and still having way too much energy.

Just Brian is a fair weather hasher who works 2 jobs and likes goats. Many random names were suggested, such as Mary On Berry, Free-4-All, Sheep on Top, Silent but Deadly, and Pillsbury Dough Boy. Finally, the hash focused on the fact that one of his jobs was working for a hotel. This inspired names such as Room Cervix, House Dick, Call Boy and the name he shall forever be known as Cumcierge.

Incumbent Big Dick No Brains was renominated for trying to ditch the hashit at last week’s oN-oN-oN. Closet Slut was nominated cuz she had set and run trail, but she still managed to look like she just walked out of a beauty parlor. The Hares were nominated for getting the hash lost. T & Ehh! was called for not breaking anything this week. Assfinder got called  for wearing a diaper and having pretty pretty toes. Finally, Golden Showers for biking the trail. In the end, the chants of “One more Week!!” earned BDNB another week as Hashit

And Another Thing!!
Quickly!! Look around, find a haberdasher, and buy a CD-ROM with BILLIONS of Hash photos for the low cost of $3!!
(The term “billions” is in this case subjective. Consult your local Hash Flash for details. Offer not good in Hawaii, Alaska, and parts of Upper Mongolia.)