White House Hash House Harriers
Trail #824
“Beware of PI PMS!”
Hares: $50Bitch, AndHowsHerBush, Summer’s Eve, Dairy Queen
BrewCrew: Free Refills and Pimp of Sarajevo
Thank you for your indulgence in permitting a late commentary regarding
Trail #824. This reminiscing is late because I (TWIG) was: (a) moving,
(b)
getting lots of great sex, (c) killed off a few too many brain cells
at happy hour, (d) all of the above, (e) (enter any excuse you will accept).
Dear Fellow Hasher:
Sometimes you just have to wonder what goes on in the mind of the opposite
sex. I love them, do not get me wrong for I cannot imagine my life
without them. But do I understand them…hell no! In fact
I wonder if it is even worth the effort to try. To wit: I want to
share with you my
observations at last week’s “Its Not PI But PMS You Need To Worry About!”
trail.
The theme was catchy (Worry about PMS not PI) and it did fill me with
happy anticipation of subservient Harriers. I personally was looking
to
have a large dose of adult fun. The weather was trying to cooperate…nice
and wet…cold have done without the cold, but it made everyone’s
nipples stand out…so I guess the cold had its place. At sign-in
I was presented with a slip of paper that had the rules guidelines for
the day’s trail:
a. All ‘Hares’ are Harriettes (curious play on words)
b. Checks can be solved by Harriettes only (damn
– I’ll have to be decisive if I find myself an FRB at a check)
c. At least 2 Harriettes must lead the pack
(okay-should be a nice pace, one that accommodates easy conversation, after
all this is a social event)
d. Male hashers must follow at least 2 Harriettes at all
times (opps-hope that string I tore off of my tights wasn’t seam critical/wish
the t-shirt went a
bit longer in back – oh well!)
Done with my 10-seconds of mental insecurity over the guidelines, I
decided to check out the chief hare – the bodacious $50, to see if my intuition
could give me an indication of what the trail might be like.
Madame $50 was smiling; dressed in athletic strolling clothes, and weathering
the wet
conditions in a manner that would make a Ducky proud. So I figured
she supervised a good, quick set trail – since it was cold and wet and
she
can empathize with how quickly such conditions can go from erotic to
chaffed on one’s hard nipples. Note to my friends – if $50/Vom/Vibrator
are hares and if they are wearing spandex – watch out – their trail
will be more of an eco-challenge than an ale-challenge.
Anyhow my friend, after chabitzing with other hashers, checking out
the scribe techno gear, confirming that the better half of the scribe team
– Hey
Ho – was ready – it was time for the circle. I really like the
first circle cuz the virgins have such fun expressions of innocence and
wonder on their
faces. Just Judy, Just Renee, Just Tish and Just Carla may or
may not have been prepped for the sophomoric attitude of an ‘adult’ hash
– but
still all the words in the world don’t do it like the ‘first hand’
experience can.
Then there are the visitors, Jack-A-Lope Mother F*cker from Sidney
Australia and Zach from Dacha Bangladesh– thank goodness WH4 has
old-timers like RAS to translate for the younger hashers. I do
wonder though if his rambling drool causes him to go through a lot of hash
shirts?
Next up in the circle was the introduction of the Hares. Talk
about destroyed anticipations for a quick trail or even one that paid homage
to PMS
(Don’t you just enjoy having the monthly right to change your mind
just because! I was also thinking that PMS supports mental agility
and flexibility
– but that is for another letter – if U know what I mean :-p!
Back to the hash - the Hares were not Harriettes in a biological sense
– but some of
our better-looking cross-dressers. Animal Prints – Dots – or
Floras, we had each style maven present itself. First Hare was Animal
Print
(AndHowsHisBush) – major trail issues ahead I thought to myself since
AHHB consistently gets 5+ miles out of a 3 mile trail, likes to lay on
the
backside (hash that is) of things, and is only happy when his legs
look like they have just supported a vampire feast! Next to capture my
attention
was Dots (Summer’s Eve). This good-looking Harriette had major
issues with his garment buttons – I thought of helping – but I was enjoying
the
flesh display way too much! Last up (but I am told there is staying
power here) was Flora (DairyQueen) Ever an inspiration to go blond and
be
carefree – this would be my model! Even the On-On-On bartender
agreed with me on this one – more on that perhaps later.
By now my pen had its final disagreement with my wet pad by the time
Father Abraham (FA) got started and I quickly hid it in a pocket so that
MicroPrick would not remind that he had previously reminded me at the
wet ST Pat’s Trail a pencil is mightier than a pen when one is looking
to
record pearls of wisdom on wet paper. But hey, if he noticed,
I figured I would just tell him – I never have a pearl of wisdom – I be
one with a
half-mind, so *%$@# the pencil!! After a rousing FA, which got
the hash a smoking, the Hot Harriettes pointed to the start and waited
for
biological Harriettes to assume the position. Remember my friend,
in the guide, the pack to be led by a minimum of two Harriettes at
all times.
Cuz of this ‘guide’ I quickly found myself as an FRB with TipHerWhipHer.
On our bumper was Caminito providing a welcome set of eagle eyes
for rain-washed blue hash. Animal and Flora were ‘guiding’ the
Runners and Dots was doing the walkers.
I must say I don’t know who set the trail, but I do know that as the
trail materialized it became obvious even to those with a half-mind that
a fifth,
mystery hare must have been out moving wet flour about. Cuz at one
point or another – all the Hares found themselves ‘mis-oriented’!
From my
perspective, I realized that if I truly desired to be dry and warm
as soon as possible, I was going to need to focus on participating as an
FRB as
opposed to scribe for this trail. So I put up wet paper and pencil
and joined THWH, Pork-N-Cheese, and Vominatrix in working the trail as
fast
as possible. It was work – not that we were r*cing mind you,
but THWH is always an FRB, Pork-N-Cheese 2 weeks ago had finished the
Boston marathon in less than 3 hours, and Vom’s idea of an easy work-out
before some afternoon Margaritas is a 50-miler. These Harriettes
can
move and move out they did. My metabolism was grateful for the
push! (NOT!!)
The beer check finally materialized and joined my better-half HeyHo
for scribe duties. This was when we discovered that Dots had some
major
trail issues. Seems like he needed to play with a particular
limb in a most unique way. Not sure that putting one’s kneecap back
onto the front of
the leg counts as trail sex – but the oral emancipations emoting from
him during this process was we were told quite memorable.
It was at this point that I began to appreciate the PMS twist to this
trail. It was disconcerting to see $50 looking all comfy in her wet
weather suit
for she was bragging that she was wet only on the outside (yes
Ducky she was a good girl while you were away) when the rest of us were
also wet
on the inside…of our clothing. Then to hear the frustrated Harrier
FRBs commenting to themselves (Bishop-you are busted!)about the effort
being
put forth. To wit: ‘with just a little more umph, perhaps we
might begin to breath hard’.
Okay, when you have a group of wet Harriettes and you are not offering
a means to get warm and dry…you will be subject to the merciless
ramblings of PMS-Pseudo Mis-interpreted Sign! PNC and I (TWIG)as
we started the second leg of the trail, reached deep into ancient instincts
and despite the constant shadowing of our every step by AssFinder,
Caminito, Bishop, Test Tube Baby and Dumb-N-Dumber, we focused
on hunting trail sign. Like deer dogs we r*ced the streets and
were spot on rain-washed flour trail sign. We left the whistle intonations
to Caminito
and the battle cry “On-On” to AssFinder. Just when we felt the
portion of the pack that was now panting at our heels was shifting focus
from our
trail finding ability to our tail wagging ability – PMS kicked in and
we were off on a trail of our own. We saw the Eiffel Antenna of endex,
changed
our minds about the marked trail, and went straight for Eiffel relief.
It was mighty sweet to be dry when the majority of the pack reached
endex. So this trail proved, at least to us, that PMS could be a good thing
when you are wet cold and wet. Although the trail was long and
wet and had trail sign in unusual places for an urban locale. We
did have fun, the
harriers for the most part did support the trail guide, and this scribe
learned that if you do trail with PNC-wear your serious shoes cuz the woman
has very swift ‘just cruising’ speed!
Back to an earlier comment: cross-dressing harriers laid trail
and got lost; Harriettes were to lead so the pace should have been
comfortable/socialable-but the Harriers never relaxed and instead breathed
down the backs of the the fem fatale FRBs evoking the PMS option;
Opportunities to take advantage of wet harriettes and the moral high
road was walked. Harriers-do not understand them-but still love
‘em!
Hugs and Kisses!!
TWIG and she’s making be a ‘girl-friend’ Hey Ho
CircleAntics:
Virgins:
Just Judy “I Am Really Wet” JackOffLantern made her cum.
Just Renee “I Like It Nice and Slick” and Just Carla “I Don’t
Need No KY Jelly” were brought by T-N-Eh. World Wide
brought Just Tish “I Know Where The Bar Is”.
Visitors:
Jack-A-Lope Mother F*cker from the North Shore Puffer Hash in Sidney
Australia and Zach from Dacha Bangladesh
(BTW-see Hasher Humper if you want to trade a T-shirt to Jack-A-Lope
in exchange for a Koala and Kangaroo)
Analversaries:
Dairy Queen – 25 shitty trails that started with the DC Red Dress Run
and he is still wearing a dress!!
Hashit:
Winner: Summer’s Eve for getting lost on his own trail
1st Runner Up: Sucks It Blue for getting lost trying to get to trail
2nd Runner Up: Big Dick No Brains just because he looks so cute in
the t-shirt
Violations:
Marathon Fu-Pahs: The Boston marathon, is an A to B. Pork-n-Cheese
put her after r*ce gear on the wrong van and now has no
kewl T-shirt to wear that broadcasts she was a B-thon participant and
thus has no opportunity to brag about her sub-3 hour time!
Dumb-n-Dumber cuz he thought the B-thon was a fun warm-up r*ce.
‘Animal Farm II’ casting call: More Than A Mouthful decided to wear
his food only a few hours after eating it.
Published Scribe: Yellow Wank – next time try for the Sports Illustrated
Swim Suit Issue – a little double exposure!
Rhinoplasty on the Cheap-TWIG (T-N-Eh’s method is more effective!)
Shivalry: Ass Finder, Dumb-n-Dumber, and Test Tube Baby for taking
it upon themselves to ‘help’ the Harriettes follow trail
sign whether they wanted the help or not
Blowing H*ad: Free Refills
Believing To Be More Powerful Than Mother Nature: AHHB “It was passable
when we set trail!”
For Only Doing Only Straights-Straight Line Trails: Vom the shortest
line is not always a straight line!
Self-Manipulation as a Mis-Orientation Excuse: Summer’s Eve
Distracting Tail Flash: THWH
Latecummers: Sucks It Blue, Test Tube Baby, Pork-n-Cheese, Slip
Knot (U all should thank THWH for graciously holding
off on circle participation in order to ensure you get attendance credit)
Samaritans:
Elvis, Jungle Jizz, Micro Prick, Trouser Snake for returning pussy
on trail
LongTimeNoSeers:
Yellow Wank and Garfield
Upcoming Announcement:
The WH4 Camping Trip has been scheduled for July 19-21. The working
theme of this year’s trip is “The Really Really Neato
and Cool Camping Trip Where We Hash and Drink Beer and Stuff”. In other
words, we are looking for ideas. So put on Ye Olde
Thinking Cap, get yourself a beer, cum up with a great idea, and let
mismanagement know about it!!!
And Another Thing!!
Quickly!! Look around, find a haberdasher, and buy a CD-ROM with BILLIONS
of Hash photos for the low cost of $3!! (The term
“billions” is in this case subjective. Offer not good in Hawaii, Alaska,
and parts of Upper Mongolia.)
WH4, Edition 042102, Hash Trash
“All the Shit that Fits”
(202) PUD-JAM0
(202)
232-HASH WWW.DCHASHING.ORG/WH4