White House Hash House Harriers
 
                                                   Trail #824
 
                                            “Beware of PI PMS!”
 
                          Hares: $50Bitch, AndHowsHerBush, Summer’s Eve, Dairy Queen
                                   BrewCrew: Free Refills and Pimp of Sarajevo
 
Thank you for your indulgence in permitting a late commentary regarding Trail #824.  This reminiscing is late because I (TWIG) was: (a) moving, (b)
getting lots of great sex, (c) killed off a few too many brain cells at happy hour, (d) all of the above, (e) (enter any excuse you will accept).
 
Dear Fellow Hasher:
 
Sometimes you just have to wonder what goes on in the mind of the opposite sex.  I love them, do not get me wrong for I cannot imagine my life
without them.  But do I understand them…hell no!  In fact I wonder if it is even worth the effort to try.  To wit: I want to share with you my
observations at last week’s “Its Not PI But PMS You Need To Worry About!” trail.
 
The theme was catchy (Worry about PMS not PI) and it did fill me with happy anticipation of subservient Harriers.  I personally was looking to
have a large dose of adult fun.  The weather was trying to cooperate…nice and wet…cold have done without the cold, but it made everyone’s
nipples stand out…so I guess the cold had its place.  At sign-in I was presented with a slip of paper that had the rules guidelines for the day’s trail:
a.   All ‘Hares’ are Harriettes  (curious play on words)
b.    Checks can be solved by Harriettes only (damn – I’ll have to be decisive if I find myself an FRB at a check)
c.     At least 2 Harriettes must lead the pack (okay-should be a nice pace, one that accommodates easy conversation, after all this is a social event)
d.   Male hashers must follow at least 2 Harriettes at all times (opps-hope that string I tore off of my tights wasn’t seam critical/wish the t-shirt went a
   bit longer in back – oh well!)
Done with my 10-seconds of mental insecurity over the guidelines, I decided to check out the chief hare – the bodacious $50, to see if my intuition
could give me an indication of what the trail might be like.  Madame $50 was smiling; dressed in athletic strolling clothes, and weathering the wet
conditions in a manner that would make a Ducky proud.  So I figured she supervised a good, quick set trail – since it was cold and wet and she
can empathize with how quickly such conditions can go from erotic to chaffed on one’s hard nipples.  Note to my friends – if $50/Vom/Vibrator
are hares and if they are wearing spandex – watch out – their trail will be more of an eco-challenge than an ale-challenge.
 
Anyhow my friend, after chabitzing with other hashers, checking out the scribe techno gear, confirming that the better half of the scribe team – Hey
Ho – was ready – it was time for the circle.  I really like the first circle cuz the virgins have such fun expressions of innocence and wonder on their
faces.  Just Judy, Just Renee, Just Tish and Just Carla may or may not have been prepped for the sophomoric attitude of an ‘adult’ hash – but
still all the words in the world don’t do it like the ‘first hand’ experience can.
 
Then there are the visitors, Jack-A-Lope Mother F*cker from Sidney Australia and Zach from Dacha Bangladesh– thank goodness WH4 has
old-timers like RAS to translate for the younger hashers.  I do wonder though if his rambling drool causes him to go through a lot of hash shirts?
 
Next up in the circle was the introduction of the Hares.  Talk about destroyed anticipations for a quick trail or even one that paid homage to PMS
(Don’t you just enjoy having the monthly right to change your mind just because!  I was also thinking that PMS supports mental agility and flexibility
– but that is for another letter – if U know what I mean :-p!  Back to the hash - the Hares were not Harriettes in a biological sense – but some of
our better-looking cross-dressers.  Animal Prints – Dots – or Floras, we had each style maven present itself.  First Hare was Animal Print
(AndHowsHisBush) – major trail issues ahead I thought to myself since AHHB consistently gets 5+ miles out of a 3 mile trail, likes to lay on the
backside (hash that is) of things, and is only happy when his legs look like they have just supported a vampire feast! Next to capture my attention
was Dots (Summer’s Eve).  This good-looking Harriette had major issues with his garment buttons – I thought of helping – but I was enjoying the
flesh display way too much!  Last up (but I am told there is staying power here) was Flora (DairyQueen) Ever an inspiration to go blond and be
carefree – this would be my model!  Even the On-On-On bartender agreed with me on this one – more on that perhaps later.
 
By now my pen had its final disagreement with my wet pad by the time Father Abraham (FA) got started and I quickly hid it in a pocket so that
MicroPrick would not remind that he had previously reminded me at the wet ST Pat’s Trail a pencil is mightier than a pen when one is looking to
record pearls of wisdom on wet paper.  But hey, if he noticed, I figured I would just tell him – I never have a pearl of wisdom – I be one with a
half-mind, so *%$@# the pencil!!  After a rousing FA, which got the hash a smoking, the Hot Harriettes pointed to the start and waited for
biological Harriettes to assume the position.  Remember my friend, in the guide,  the pack to be led by a minimum of two Harriettes at all times.
Cuz of this ‘guide’ I quickly found myself as an FRB with TipHerWhipHer.  On our bumper was Caminito providing a welcome set of eagle eyes
for rain-washed blue hash.  Animal and Flora were ‘guiding’ the Runners and Dots was doing the walkers.
 
I must say I don’t know who set the trail, but I do know that as the trail materialized it became obvious even to those with a half-mind that a fifth,
mystery hare must have been out moving wet flour about. Cuz at one point or another – all the Hares found themselves ‘mis-oriented’!  From my
perspective, I realized that if I truly desired to be dry and warm as soon as possible, I was going to need to focus on participating as an FRB as
opposed to scribe for this trail.  So I put up wet paper and pencil and joined THWH, Pork-N-Cheese, and Vominatrix in working the trail as fast
as possible.  It was work – not that we were r*cing mind you, but THWH is always an FRB, Pork-N-Cheese 2 weeks ago had finished the
Boston marathon in less than 3 hours, and Vom’s idea of an easy work-out before some afternoon Margaritas is a 50-miler.  These Harriettes can
move and move out they did.  My metabolism was grateful for the push! (NOT!!)
 
The beer check finally materialized and joined my better-half HeyHo for scribe duties.  This was when we discovered that Dots had some major
trail issues.  Seems like he needed to play with a particular limb in a most unique way.  Not sure that putting one’s kneecap back onto the front of
the leg counts as trail sex – but the oral emancipations emoting from him during this process was we were told quite memorable.
 
It was at this point that I began to appreciate the PMS twist to this trail.  It was disconcerting to see $50 looking all comfy in her wet weather suit
for she was bragging  that she was wet only on the outside (yes Ducky she was a good girl while you were away) when the rest of us were also wet
on the inside…of our clothing.  Then to hear the frustrated Harrier FRBs commenting to themselves (Bishop-you are busted!)about the effort being
put forth.  To wit: ‘with just a little more umph, perhaps we might begin to breath hard’.
 
Okay, when you have a group of wet Harriettes and you are not offering a means to get warm and dry…you will be subject to the merciless
ramblings of PMS-Pseudo Mis-interpreted Sign!  PNC and I (TWIG)as we started the second leg of the trail, reached deep into ancient instincts
and despite the constant shadowing of our every step by AssFinder, Caminito, Bishop, Test Tube Baby and Dumb-N-Dumber, we focused
on hunting trail sign.  Like deer dogs we r*ced the streets and were spot on rain-washed flour trail sign.  We left the whistle intonations to Caminito
and the battle cry “On-On” to AssFinder.  Just when we felt the portion of the pack that was now panting at our heels was shifting focus from our
trail finding ability to our tail wagging ability – PMS kicked in and we were off on a trail of our own.  We saw the Eiffel Antenna of endex, changed
our minds about the marked trail, and went straight for Eiffel relief.
 
It was mighty sweet to be dry when the majority of the pack reached endex. So this trail proved, at least to us, that PMS could be a good thing
when you are wet cold and wet.  Although the trail was long and wet and had trail sign in unusual places for an urban locale.  We did have fun, the
harriers for the most part did support the trail guide, and this scribe learned that if you do trail with PNC-wear your serious shoes cuz the woman
has very swift ‘just cruising’ speed!
 
Back to an  earlier comment: cross-dressing harriers laid trail and got lost; Harriettes were to lead so the pace should have been
comfortable/socialable-but the Harriers never relaxed and instead breathed down the backs of the the fem fatale FRBs evoking the PMS option;
Opportunities to take advantage of wet harriettes and the moral high road was walked.  Harriers-do not understand them-but still love
‘em!
                                                 Hugs and Kisses!!
             TWIG and she’s making be a ‘girl-friend’ Hey Ho
 

                                                  CircleAntics:
 
                                                     Virgins:
Just Judy “I Am Really Wet” JackOffLantern made her cum.
Just Renee “I Like It Nice and Slick” and Just Carla  “I Don’t Need No KY Jelly” were brought by T-N-Eh.  World Wide
brought Just Tish “I Know Where The Bar Is”.
 
                                                    Visitors:
Jack-A-Lope Mother F*cker from the North Shore Puffer Hash in Sidney Australia and Zach from Dacha Bangladesh
 
(BTW-see Hasher Humper if you want to trade a T-shirt to Jack-A-Lope in exchange for a Koala and Kangaroo)
 
                                                  Analversaries:
Dairy Queen – 25 shitty trails that started with the DC Red Dress Run and he is still wearing a dress!!
 
                                                     Hashit:
Winner: Summer’s Eve for getting lost on his own trail
1st Runner Up: Sucks It Blue for getting lost trying to get to trail
2nd Runner Up: Big Dick No Brains just because he looks so cute in the t-shirt
 
                                                   Violations:
 
Marathon Fu-Pahs: The Boston marathon, is an A to B. Pork-n-Cheese put her after r*ce gear on the wrong van and now has no
kewl T-shirt to wear that broadcasts she was a B-thon participant and thus has no opportunity to brag about her sub-3 hour time!
Dumb-n-Dumber cuz he thought the B-thon was a fun warm-up r*ce.
 
‘Animal Farm II’ casting call: More Than A Mouthful decided to wear his food only a few hours after eating it.
 
Published Scribe: Yellow Wank – next time try for the Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Issue – a little double exposure!
 
Rhinoplasty on the Cheap-TWIG (T-N-Eh’s method is more effective!)
Shivalry: Ass Finder, Dumb-n-Dumber, and Test Tube Baby for taking it upon themselves to ‘help’ the Harriettes follow trail
sign whether they wanted the help or not
 
Blowing H*ad: Free Refills
 
Believing To Be More Powerful Than Mother Nature: AHHB “It was passable when we set trail!”
 
For Only Doing Only Straights-Straight Line Trails: Vom the shortest line is not always a straight line!
 
Self-Manipulation as a Mis-Orientation Excuse: Summer’s Eve
 
Distracting Tail Flash: THWH
 
Latecummers:  Sucks It Blue, Test Tube Baby, Pork-n-Cheese, Slip Knot (U all should thank THWH for graciously holding
off on circle participation in order to ensure you get attendance credit)
 
                                                   Samaritans:
 
Elvis, Jungle Jizz, Micro Prick, Trouser Snake for returning pussy on trail
 
                                               LongTimeNoSeers:
 
Yellow  Wank and Garfield
                                           Upcoming Announcement:
 The WH4 Camping Trip has been scheduled for July 19-21. The working theme of this year’s trip is “The Really Really Neato
and Cool Camping Trip Where We Hash and Drink Beer and Stuff”. In other words, we are looking for ideas. So put on Ye Olde
Thinking Cap, get yourself a beer, cum up with a great idea, and let mismanagement know about it!!!
And Another Thing!!
Quickly!! Look around, find a haberdasher, and buy a CD-ROM with BILLIONS of Hash photos for the low cost of $3!! (The term
“billions” is in this case subjective. Offer not good in Hawaii, Alaska, and parts of Upper Mongolia.)
   WH4, Edition 042102, Hash Trash                                “All the Shit that Fits”                    (202) PUD-JAM0                          (202)
                                     232-HASH WWW.DCHASHING.ORG/WH4