(Disclaimer – Due to one scribe having very little free time and another scribe returning to her home planet of Boobalon, you may notice some differences in this edition of the trash. There are no pictures, it is rather short, and almost completely devoid of any humor. The description of the trail is wildly inaccurate and is at best, total bullshit. In other words, it is a trash that would make Mitey and Ducky proud)

The hash gathered at the Crystal City Water Park on what was a beautiful sunny day. Trouser Snake greeted everyone as they arrived, and asked for a donation to the needy. Gaping Ho and Vibrator offered to donate their bodies, but this was impractical. The Pimp of Sarajevo and MicroSoft claimed that they were needy, but Closet Slut said that they just needed it, and to see her on trail. Finally, Raise My Titanic donated something useful, removing her bra for the cause, much to the delight of Fuck’em Dano and Evil Jesus. WOWO then said what he really needed was beer, and proceeded to get the hash on-on.
The hash ran down Crystal Drive with airplanes coming in for a landing overhead. This inspired Cum Scout to tell Gimmie a Dick and Target Practice how talented he was at guiding long tubes into landing strips. Jingle Jizz commented it was more likely that his piloting skills would result in an explosion two seconds after take off. Organ Grinder enthusiastically agreed, as if she had already been on his particular airline. The whole affair was thankfully put to rest when Golden Showers appeared on the horizon, tequila (te-kill-ya) in hand. Remembering that this was the Cinco de mayo hash, Jag Queen, More Than a Mouthful, and RoadWhore eagerly partook. Sucks it Blue volunteered to take over the tequila dispensing duties, but Mr Softie and Bavarian Bush reminded everyone that the last time SIB was given the tequila bottle, he disappeared for the rest of the hash. Doesn’t Miss a Drop and Harepie argued that there was too much arguing on this trail, and we should just get to the beer. All agreed, and with Big Dick No Brains singing the timeless song “Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, Its off to jail we go,” We ran onto the grounds of the airport.
Into the main terminal we ran, where Mother’s Lay and Raise my Titanic inspiring to join the mile high club, sprinted off to the nearest ticket counter. Believing the two were on trail, MicroPrick, Dumb and Dumber, and Ground Chuck sprinted off after them. $50 Bitch and Daddy’s Dick realized they were off trail, and accusing them of trying to hijack the hash, alerted security. However, when the guards arrived, they only found Burning Bush and Duck Job begging them for the rotor-rooter treatment.
Arriving at the beer check, Boob-a-loob failed to partake of the refreshments, and instead began doing laps around the parking lot. Captain Titanic and For Sale or Rent commented that this must be some strange mating ritual from his home hash, where Free Refills added that she thought it demonstrated great strength to resist the temptation of beer. Having a different interpretation, Mitey Tite and Number 2 just declared him insane, and quickly wandered off to claim his portion of the beer. At this point, Test Tube Baby noticed we were at the end of a runway, and pointed out the danger of being hit by a low flying Cessna. The hash agreed, so we quickly named Just Judy the beer bitch and got back onto trail.
The second part of trail was short and sweet, which was in itself, highly unusual. We ran back past the start and down the street to what appeared to be on-in. M.I.C-Och Shoots  Blanks  commented that we must be off trail because SSBB hadn’t even arrived. Great Balls of Fire and RAS agreed, saying it might be the shortest second part of trail in the history of the hash. Suddenly, something amazing involving Pale Rider, Can’t Lay Shit, Bad Bush, Swings Both Ways, Well Drilled, and Pale Rider happened, but unfortunately this had to be at Kinko’s 10 minutes ago and I haven’t the time to tell you. (Lame cope out I know, make me do a down down for it, I won’t mind)

CircleAntics:

Virgins:
Just Anita “Does the Carpet Match the Drapes?” and Just Mearl “I Wanna be the Third” came with Bugs, Just Bill “Cinco de This” came with Mad Dog, Just April “Can I Have a Mouthful of Tequila?” came with More Than A Mouthful, Just Erin “I Didn’t Grind That!” came with Organ Grinder, Just Elena “I Want Your Cahona’s” came with Just Libby, Just Kevin “I’m On Both Sides Of The Fence” and Just Shawn “Cums Really Late” came with the help of the internet.

Visitors:
Other hashes must speak in church whispers during circle, because I couldn’t hear a damn thing they said. So forgive me if I screw up names. Cunning Linguist, Tiny Bushes, Cabe Fairy, Pale Rider, Boob-a-loob, Tiny Bushes, Just Meeja, and Just Mitch came from hashes somewhere on the planet other than D.C. Das Boner and Jock Strap came from other D.C. area hashes. There were others but I missed them…Oops.

Analvereries:
Bolo achieved 100 runs and was given a brand new red plastic cup with the number 100 written on it to prove it!
Long Time No Cummer’s and Fair Weather Hashers:
More Than A Mouthful, Raise My Titanic, Crouching Drag Queen Hidden Boner, US Boobs and Oral Report, and Just Kelly along with most of the rest of the hash were penalized for only showing up when the sun is out.

Violations:
Endangering National Security – The Hares for laying trail through National Airport
Sex on Trail – Mother’s Lay for getting Raise My Titanic all hot and bothered, Peekaboob Street Walker for being a head nurse
Racing – Evil Jesus for racing the Boston Marathon in a red dress, Dumb and Dumber for doing the Boston Marathon wearing his big ass hash mug, Boob-a-loob for running laps at the beer check
Tardiness – Ivy Licker for showing up after the run
What the ??? – Fuck’em Dano for getting his balls lost in ivy
Unoriginality – Subbing for our lost songmeister’s, Evil Jesus sang a song we had sung twice already.
Absent Mind ness – Gaping Ho for misplacing the Hashit
Shyness – Just Meeja, thinking it was a bad name, didn’t reveal that her hash name was Twice the Chance.
A Most Solemn Occasion:
Since Just Meeja was too ashamed of her hash name to admit it was Twice The Chance, the hash endeavored to find her a name for which she could be proud (good luck!). Since this was to be her second naming, Double Jeopardy and Third Strike were suggested. Some, knowing her home hash was Zimbabwe, suggested Cumming out of Africa, Cumming in Africa, and Ivory Bone. Other’s decided to use her nerd name and suggested Meeja so Horny and Meeja want some Dick. Finally the hash settled (for reasons that escape me) on Horton Sees a Coochy.
Another Most Solemn Occasion:
Feeling unusually creative, the hash decided the time had come to name Just Eric. One suggestion sought to commemorate the day by naming him Semen de Mayo. It was then discovered that he was a navy man, which prompted suggestions such as Hand Full of Semen, Goes Down on Semen, and Portal for Semen (apparently the hash had Semen on the mind). Focusing on the fact that he was a diver for the navy, Regulate Me, Dives on Titanic, and Certified Muff Diver were suggested, as well as the name he shall forever be known as…Certified Underwater Naval Technician or C.U.N.T.

Hashit
The Hares were nominated for laying trail on national property. WOWO got called for sleeping with three beautiful women and couldn’t get laid. How’d He Fuckin Do Me was nominated for going home after the run and showing up at the end of circle, thereby missing the many down downs the rest of the hares were subjected to. Tip Her Whip Her was nominated for trying to transform herself into a walking medical library. In the end, the incumbent Gaping Ho kept the hashit for one more week, partly because she lost it, but mostly for whining about it.

Announcements:
TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! The WH4 Camping trip will be on July 19,20, and 21 in beautiful Little Orleans, Maryland. So stock up on suntan lotion and bed sheets, because registration forms will be coming soon!

HEY SEXY..WE NEED YOU! RoadWhore is putting together two 2003 hashing calendars, featuring your favorite hares and harriettes! Thanks to everyone who has already volunteered for this important project, however he still needs willing subjects to snap.
If you are interested, contact RoadWhore after circle or email him at rd_whore@yahoo .com

PROM! WHO SAID PROM! The next Full Moon Hash will be May 17 at 6:30 in Foggy Bottom.
So dig out that ancient prom dress or way too small tux you wore years ago and dance the night away.

RACE FOR THE CURE will be on June 1st at 8:30 in the morn (skip that last shooter at happy hour). It will take place downtown.
Be sure to write on the sign up form your with the WH3 team. There will be an on-on-on at the Vintage Virginia Wine Festival, which will benefit the Make-a-Wish Foundation. See Trouser Snake for details and signup sheets and help raise money for a great cause.

Words to Live By:
I feel sorry for people who don't drink.  When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day.
 --Frank Sinatra

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of
alcohol.
 --Anonymous

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up
reading.
 --Henny Youngman

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case.  Coincidence?
 --Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk.  When we get drunk, we
fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's
all get drunk and go to heaven!
Brian O'Rourke

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and
an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a
football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the
very least you need a beer.
 --Frank Zappa

Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza.
 --Dave Barry

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as
Hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no
way to make water, a vital ingredient In beer.
 --Dave Barry

And God said, "Let there be vodka!" And He saw that it
was good. Then God said, "Let there be light!" And
then He said,  "Whoa - too much light."

Scotch - Because one doesn't solve the world's
problems over white wine.

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few
drinks behind.
 --Humphrey Bogart

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.  That
will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
 --Ernest Hemingway
 
 
 

WH4,  Edition 050502, 2002     Hash Trash                                “All the Shit that Fits”
(202) PUD-JAM0 and
(202) 232-HASH
http://www.dchashing.org/wh4