White House Hash House Harriers
Hash Trash
Sunday, May 19, 2002
The “Pre-Grand Prix” Trail
WH4 Hash: #828
Start:  Potomac Metro
Hares: Evil Jesus, Semen on the Pew, Harepie
Brew Crew: Number 2, Mitey Tite
Beer Slave: Just Rachel


The hash gathered in Das Hood to celebrate the first ever Grand Prix in our beloved capital city. Cumcierge said that we should get this r*ce started before we all get held up for our beer, but was shouted down by WOWO, who was trying to convince Raise My Titanic and Horton Sees a Coochie to come back to his garage. His efforts failed after Sloppy Ho cast doubt on his abilities to drive a stick shift, let alone his abilities to handle their tight curves. $50 Bitch called on the hash to start their engines, and after a quick Father Abraham led by Just Gene, the green flag was dropped and we were on-on.
The hash quickly learned that the toughest part of this course would be actually getting to it, as Evil Jesus divulged that he only knew about the BT’s and not the actual trail itself. Watergate wanted to black flag him for this, but was overruled by trail official Harepie, sighting his last minute entry into the r*ce. The situation worsened as the pack arrived at a check that seemed to have no true trail, causing a six hasher pile up involving Tip Her Whip Her, Prison Prom Queen, Snatch Key Kid, Put It Out, Dead Snatch and Mother’s Lay. Dumb and Dumber accused them of using the check as an excuse for having sex on trail, but went unheard due to the arrival of Closet Slut and Takes a Lickin’ who quickly offered up their oil and lube services. Finally Turtle Dick found trail, and after Mr. Pib and Jack Off Lantern cleaned the track of debris, beer, clothes, and used condoms, the hash was on-on onto the brand new motor speedway.
The first thing we saw of the speed way was a tight hairpin turn that inspired Master Rebator and Shock-a-cock to start reving their engines. Snatch Shot told them that there was a lot of laps left in this hash, and that they should watch their engine temperature. Inspired by this statement, Holy Tit! and Bend Over Rover ran off to find a place to do some lapping of their own. Thinking that the two were on trail, French Toasted and Coin Operated started to follow, but MicroPrick alerted them that SSBB was in the distance, and the hash came in for a well-deserved pit stop.
Pit stops are always hectic, and this beer check was no exception. Number 2 and Mitey Tite worked feverishly to refuel the hash with the vital beer needed to get us to the end (Brew Crew work?? Ok, that’s just bullshit I made up to fill space, I admit it.) Pork and Cheese was accused of blocking Suck’s It Blue’s access to the beer table, and Semen on the Pew quickly ruled that he should be penalized with a down-down. Spinal Tap argued that this was unjust, saying he was getting more fuel than everyone else, but was rebuffed when Free Refills arrived with two pitchers of fuel. Diaper quickly got rid of his old tires, replacing them with brand new ones with the tags still on them. Time being of the essence, Just Rachel was quickly named beer bitch, and after the worst rendition of “Dough, the Stuff” by Duck Job I’ve ever heard, the hash was tearing off back on trail.
The hash plowed through some of the thickest shiggy that can be found, only to be greeted by Fuck’em Dano, pointing and laughing about the fact that we when we emerged, we were only one hundred feet from where we started. No Genitals screaming bloody murder quickly ran off to kill the nearest hare, and was violated by Poodle Fucked and RAS for not succeeding. Trail then went through a park, and I was pleased to know I hadn’t been led off on a ½ mile backcheck, like Peking Duck, UnFuhFuckable, and Da Boobs had been. We passed a burnt out wreck of a car, and Big Bang wondered if it was left over from as previous Grand Prix. Blond Roots and G.I.M.B.O. decided it wasn’t burnt enough and quickly decided to light their own fire in it. How’d He Fuckin Do Me sited them for not using proper safety equipment, and Shellacking The Bishop, deciding that the whole affair was not worth the effort, quickly hopped a fence, which led into a cemetery. This inspired RoadWhore, Turkey Trot, Finger Lickin Good and For Sale or Rent to imitated the inhabitants of this place, falling down dead because the second part of the trail was so long. Finally, after running low on beer, the hash, including Back Snatch, Asstroturf, Rats Ass, and Slip Knot, finally saw the checkered flag drop and we were all on-in.

CircleAntics:
Virgins:
Just Lisa “Indianpolis Ho” came with Just Melissa, Just Melissa “Richard Pit Me” came with Two Lips on a Dyke, Just Antonio “The Pit Crew” came with For Sale or Rent, Just Lou “Checker Flag” came with Pecker Checker, Just Terri “Dick Trickle” came with Semen on the Pew, and Just Bob “Drives his own Stick” made himself cum.
Visitors:
Pecker Checker traveled a short distance from Corpus Christi to be with us while Just Cindy made the long trip from MVH3.
Analvereries:
Peking Duck, Jackoff Lantern, and Don’t Let Your MeatLoaf joined the 25 run mug club, while Snatch Key Kid celebrated her 75th run.
Long Time No Cummer’s:
Golden Shower, Turkey Trot, Lying Fucking Bastard, Don’t Let Your MeatLoaf, and Dead Snatch graced us with their presence for once.
Violations:
Racing – Holy Tit and Shellacking The Bishop ran some incredibly long race. $50 Bitch showed up with numbers on her legs…she was either racing or raising her prices, either way, it’s a no no.
Sex on Trail – Fuck’em Dano and Vominatrix made an awful lot of moaning sounds on trail. Closet Slut and Takes a Lickin’ apparently oiled themselves up before the hash and didn’t bother to make an announcement before hand.
Cruel and Unusual Punishment – The hares for having the beer check right next to a locked port-a-pottie.
Wardrobe – Diaper for new shoes that even had the tags still on. WDFK for showing up in chaps and frightening people.
Lack of Chivalry – After a long race, $50 Bitch had to drive herself home, while Duck Job sat in the backseat watching DVD’s.
A Most Solemn Occasion:
After 7 hash’s, it was decided that Just Veronica needed a name. After a few feeble names such as Hewlitt Packer, Bull Rider, and Blow Me Up were offered, the hash learned of her love of Scuba diving. Still floundering like a fish out of water, names such as Aqua Tounge, Salty Cum, and Blow’s Chunk’s Diving were suggested. Gaining it’s focus, finally suggested Snorkal Sucker, the very popular name of Chum, and the name she shall forever be known as…Smells Like Fish.
Another Solemn Occasion:
With the confidence of successfully naming one person, the hash decided that Just Rachel needed a name too.  The hash focused on her apparent love of wigs, offering up the names of Hair on Top, Stubble Trouble, and Carpet Doesn’t Match the Drapes. However the hash finally named her Piggly Wiggly for reasons that escape me an hour before this needs to be printed.
Announcements:
TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! This years WH4 camping trip has been scheduled for July 19,20 and 21. The purpose of this trip is to have so much hashing, drinking, music, and depravity that we make an ancient Roman bath house look like a Sunday school meeting. Pick up a Flyer at any WH4 hash or check the website to register.
MONDAY’S HAVE ARRIVED!!!  Hares should remember that Monday trails should be a tad shorter than Sunday trails…. Very good advice for those who want to stay in the good graces of our lovely RA.
ADOPT-A-BITCH The Arlington Animal Shelter currently features Maxie, a black, medium sized, 3-4 year old Lab/Sharpei/Chow mix. She’s very good on a leash, understands ‘sit’, she’s very affectionate, and has the potential to be a great hashing dog. Plus, if she’s adopted by a hasher, Spinal Tap will pay half the adoption fee. See him for all the details.
THE WH4 2003 CALENDERS still need willing subjects. Don’t you want to have hashers drooling over you for a whole month? Contact RoadWhore to be a part of this most memorable project.

WH4,  Edition 051902, 2002
Hash Trash
“All the Shit that Fits”
(202) PUD-JAM0 and
(202) 232-HASH
www.dchashing.org/wh4