Hash #776 – The Benetton Ad Hash

Location: Fort Reno Park, NW DC

Hares: 8aPuss, SuxItBlue, SpicyTunaRoll

It has come to my attention that there is a misconception that hashing is a predominantly "colorless" phenomenon. A recent message on the hash mail list asserted that most people could count the hashers of color they personally knew on one hand. Obviously that half-mind has never hashed with WH4 because I went through both hands, both feet and the big unit before I was halfway through the DC directory. Today’s hash was a celebration of the diversity in WH4, with hares of every color in the rainbow (except indigo) cumming together in peace and harmony to express our love for the one true force that unites us all… beer!

When I got to the park, there was already an eclectic group of hashers wandering about, drinking beer and scoping out the beautiful people. Mothers Lay was dressed the part, looking straight out of a Benetton catalog in black linen slacks, a gray designer shirt and Italian shoes. Ivy Licker was busy peddling her own fashion designs, such as the denim "Beer Mug" top and the sexy "Hash Feet" halter-top. Meanwhile, Vominatrix fondly recalled her career as a runway model in Paris – the wild parties, the drugs, and the fast paced lifestyle. Not unlike hashing…

Eventually, $50 Bitch circled us wankers up. The virgins were brought out to strut their stuff, and an attractive group of newcomers it was! Assfinder found Just Emily and ass-erted she could easily pass for a Victoria’s Secret model. TwoLipsInABush, ShellackingTheBishop and Fuck’em Dano dreamily imagined how she would look in a G-string. After meeting the Visitors, Long Time No Seers She’sNotHeavyShe’sMy Lover and OnlyCumsWhenHe’sNotHere were summoned to lead us in Father Abe, but they had forgotten how it started so LazyMotherF’er helped them.

Finally, the hares came into the circle toting a bottle of Tequila and extolling its virtues, namely that it kicks ass, makes them feel invincible and "oh shit, did I just swallow the worm?" SuxItBlue gave us one of his patented Yeaaaah!!!!’s, and we were on-on. Trail started along the south side of Ft. Reno Park. They must have known we were cumming because there was band setting up on a stage. They didn’t know Swing Low, so we headed on, crossing Wisconsin Ave near the McDonalds, where Missed Erections detected the unmistakable aroma of MellowForeskinCheese-Burgers. As we reached an intersection, BigDickNoBrains must have been too burdened carrying his enormous member to notice the light had changed and he was about to be road kill.

Then we entered Glover Park and trail followed a single-track path through the woods. Dumb Blonde followed trail down a steep muddy hill to a stream. The best way to get down there seemed to be to slide down on your ass. At the beer stop later, I noticed Pussy with a Porpoise and Ivy Licker had muddy assess like me. Now the objective of the hash had become clear. 8Apuss and crew planned to transform everyone into people of color by dragging us through the mud. By the end of the hash, only shortcutters like Twatsssuuuupppp!!! weren’t muddy brown from head to toe.

We ran along the stream a bit, then the trail cut back up to the main path. I shortcut through the stream expecting the pack to work its way back across, which it did. We emerged on Mass Ave. and were heading up to Ward circle, but we saw a Yank Me Out pack arrow to the left, into the woods, which saved us from a nasty back check. LMF, FingerLickinGood and I hammered on the trails, and soon found civilization. We ran through the American University campus where they were having a "Welcome New Students" rally. As I watched Bullshit cut through the crowd I heard a lady remark that they must have lowered the admissions standards this year.

Luckily, the beer stop was right around the corner, so we stopped and drank like frat boys. The usual antics were taking place at the beer stop: Bolo pissing in the parking lot, NoMo dancing around like Madonna with cups on his chest, and Deleware Queen flirting with everyone in sight.

It was an A2A trail, so a lot of us ran straight back to the start, although some purists like Kenny-G Spot insisted on following true trail. SpicyTunaRoll led the walkers on the scenic route back, and we were on-in.

Just Scott was named beer bitch and got to drink the first down-down of the circle.

The hares were brought into the circle so that we could thank them for that shitty trail. However SuxItBlue was nowhere to be found because some idiot put him in charge of the Tequila! Needless to say he took a few too many nips off the old bottle and got lost on his own trail. So Harddrive filled in for SIB, based on the uncanny resemblance.

First up were two cute young ladies, Just Emily and Just Diana who came together, and unassisted. The penis gallery saluted them with, "Bend over and show us your chalupa," and the old stand by, "Show us your tits!" Next was Just Maria who was told to "use those BJ lips." A visitor, 4H, got some action, making Just John cum. Vagina gallery: "let me knock your blue balls." Then it was revealed that Not In Yet made Just Cait cum and she appeared quite satisfied by the experience. The men yelled for her to "Please this Rod!" Next we were informed that Blonde Roots made Just Veronica cum. The penis gallery begged her to engage in an act that is unprintable. Just David made Just Eric cum, which really turned on the vagina gallery who called to him, "Hey cowboy, ride me till my lips turn pink!" In another lesbian fantasy fulfilled, we found out that Just Mary made Just Lisa cum. We begged her to "Whack this with a ruler!" And finally it was made public that the Beer Bitch Scott made his namesake Just Scott cum. He was asked to "show us your true colors!"

SuxItBlue finally showed up so the hares and Harddrive did a Tequila down-down.

Finger (Atlanta), Babe Thruster, Bronco Buster, 4H (Long Beach), 2 Timing Hymen, and someone whose name translates to "Mud" in African.

Violations:

• She’sNotHeavyShe’sMyLover and OnlyCumsWhenHe’sNotHere for rather explicit sex on trail.
• LazyMotherF’er for whining about not being an FRB
• Evil Jesus for marking checks on the street in unreadable gray chalk
• Just Steve and Dumb&Dumber for mud wrestling on trail
• Cyclops and Latin Analyst for ruining a great relationship by getting married.
• SuxItBlue for going to a lot of trouble and still not getting laid
• US Boobs and Oral Report for being a media slut on National Pubic Radio.

Trouser Snake had it from last week for climaxing before properly servicing the hash. Spicy Tuna Roll was nominated for having a really hard time getting the walkers to the end of the trail, even though it was an A to A hash and there were huge radio towers that you could see for miles away marking it.

SuxItBlue was nominated for drinking too much Tequila and getting lost on his own trail. 8aPuss probably should have been nominated for trusting SuxItBlue with the Tequila, which anyone can tell you is a bad idea, but in the end the Hash-It was awarded to SuxItBlue.

Naming:

Just Scott the Beer Bitch was brought into the circle and got down on his knees. For a guy, it turns out that Just Scott has some perky tits. Also, he is affiliated with the Navy. Now that we knew what we were working with, the suggestions flew in. Manmagram, Nothing to Go Down On, Double D’s, Semen Says, Belly Buy Beer and Crouching Sailor Hidden Semen. Then someone suggested SeeBoobies, and we liked it, so now Just Scott is SeeBoobies.

Announcements:

Only 1 week until Vacation Bible Camp!!! We are expecting over 100 deviants to make the journey to Little Orleans for a weekend of beer drinking, hashing, more beer, arts and beer crafts, games, then for a change of pace, we might drink some beer. The dates are 20-22 July and you can still sign up.

The Best Bare Breasts 2001 contest is in its final week!! Late entries have an excellent chance of winning because the exhibits will be fresh in the judge’s mind. To enter just show your breasts to Duckjob and he will rate ‘em on the spot. Good luck and may the Best Breasts Win!