Hash #777 – East Falls Church, Virgin-ya

Prepare Ye the Way of the Beer!

Hares: No Motion in My Ocean, Sextra Credit, SpicyTunaRoll, Missing Rubber, TipHerWhipHer, and Just Mike

Last week we invaded the suburbs of No.VA with strict doctor’s orders to run, drink and repeat as necessary. We met in the park across from EFC Metro, next to the W&OD trail and some basketball courts. VAM, and Mr. Softie pulled Shitty Shitty Bang Bang right up to the park and the beer was flowing freely. The hoopsters and other park locals regarded our party on wheels incredulously, and one lady ‘baller came over requesting “liquid refreshment.” Even Seldom Cums was eager to provide this little hotty with a tasty beverage that would definitely replenish her electrolytes.

We circled up precisely at WH4’s normal hash time of 6:30 and introduced the visitors and virgins. Those pleasantries aside, Iche Leibe Dick, Mission Impossible, GBOF and his Evil Twin led us in Father Abe. Then we called in the hares to tell us about the trail, and lo and behold there were 6 of ‘em, and ½ of them were on roller blades. Despite appearances, NoMo swore he set the trail on foot. TipHer chimed in that she didn’t want to hear any bitching because she had done the trail herself on crutches.

Dubiously, we set out on a tour of the suburbs….a 3 hour tour. We ran down the W&OD bike path a bit, then entered some residential areas. You couldn’t help but notice that the hash marks had the dispersion pattern of a high speed missile hitting land. Yep, there was no doubt the trail had been set on NoMo’s roller blades, or perhaps from TipHer’s car. After a long stretch of rolling hills the area started looking vaguely familiar, and as we saw “Beer Near”, HardDrive panted that we must be heading toBlack Box’s house, around the corner. At the Beer Stop, we took group photos and sucked down some cold ones (cold beers, that is).

Then we were on-on again, and Shortly, Busily and Bitchily, we ran past Shellacking the Bishop’s former school (Bishop B.J. O’Connell High) where StB was the stand-up-and-salute-a-torian, graduating Magna Cum Loudly. A large group of wankers, deferring to StB’s expertise, requested a hands-on semen-ar in the fine art of shellacking the bishop. StB started off with the basics, stating that the first step is to whip out the Bishop. (At this point the harriettes need a male partner, but the men can go Hands Solo.) He went on to explain that Bishops cum in all different sizes, from Teenie Weenie Peenies to BigDickNo Brains. Next, he de-briefed, you grab a handful of a shellacking substance. KY Belly and Oil of No Lay expressed their personal preferences, but StB cited that the best shellacking substance by far is Panama Jack-off with Aloe Vera, with which you proceed to vigorously Shellack Up and Down. WOWO asked if that was a WaxOn- WhackOff type of motion. Bishop agreed and ordained WOWO on the spot. But StB warned to guard against one TinyThing: Be sure not to get Semen on the Pew.

The Circle:

Just Kevin was named beer bitch and got the first down-down of the circle.

Then the hares were summoned into the circle and we thanked them for that shitty trail.

Virgins:

Sigourney Beaver made a threesome of virgins cum, Just Matt “Put your serpent in my bush”; Just Barney “Kiss this snake”; & Just Stacey “Show us your burning bush”.

Just John came by himself: “What’s under your fig leaf?” Virgin Avec Mary made 2 chicks cum: Just Jessica “Show us your tits!” and Just Sara “Spread your thighs and ?“ Just Mike came with the hares “Let me take a bite of your apple!” Just Erica came with Just Michelle “Let us suck your ass!” Just Anna made Just Kat cum “Make us meow!” Just Haruka came w/ Spicy Tuna Roll “Have some of this forbidden fruit!” Bull Shit made Just Tali cum “Make my balls a hot tamale!” Just Sony came with Almond Joy “You can sodomize my Gomorrah!” Just Mellisa came w/ 8Apuss.

Visitors:

There were about 10 visitors from all over the world of hashing, most of whose names I do not have at this time due to a clerical error. Regardless, here is what I recall about them. There were some visitors who noticed my shirt from the Montgomery HHH and were amazed that Montgomery has a hash. I agreed that’s amazing and pointed out that MH3 has been hashing longer than WH4, although you wouldn’t know that from their sorry ass website that Floppy Dick hasn’t updated in 4 yrs. Also, we had a visitor who was wearing new shoes. Her excuse was that she always wears new shoes to Whitehouse to break them in. We thought that was very nice, but still made her and her friend drink out of them.

Violations:

SuxItBlue for begging for beer from an innocent bystander, getting it, but not getting enough for anyone else. Shellacking the Bishop for defiling his school. Kondom King for not bringing us any condoms from his condom factory. BigBang because it’s his 30^th birthday and he bought a house – he’s now way too mature to be a hasher. Just Kevin because he was bleeding profusely from his nipple but still couldn’t get a harriette to play doctor with him. Major Disappointment because he really wanted to hold SaddleUp’s wiener.

Hash-it

SuxItBlue got the hash-it last week for getting lost on his own trail after drinking way too much tequila. This week, Spicy Tuna Roll was nominated for being a hare hog – she’s hared 2 wks in a row. WOWO was nominated for running with the bulls in Pamplona rather than hashing with us for the past 2 wks. But the winner was WDFK for forgetting that the Bitch is in charge and trying to take over the circle.

Naming #1:

Just Mike was summoned into the circle to be named. He plays bass for Tastes Like Chicken, Vacation Bible School’s Friday night band. Besides being a rock star, he is also a personal trainer in a gym. Some of the names suggested were: Bass Players Do It Deeper, Fuck on the Fly, Deep Knee Bend, Squat on My Face. Then a virgin came into the circle and said she showered with him before she even knew his name. Someone also noted that the French term for shower is douche and suggested douche.cum. Then someone familiar with the douche market suggested Summer’s Eve, and that was all she wrote. Just Mike shall now be known as Summer’s Eve.

Naming #2:

Next up was Just Anna Maria. It turns out she is a client of Summer’s Eve, who told us her favorite exercise is the inner thigh machine and that she has rock hard legs. Just Anna Maria is also very fond of Latin men, Swedish Men, and other men with funny accents. Suggested names were Can’t Get Down Here Without a Green Card, Passport to Pleasure, Thigh Thrust Her, Vulva: Boxy But Good, Latin Lick, International House of Ho’ Cakes and Tamer of Seville. After a runoff between Vulva and Thigh Thrust Her, it was determined that henceforth and forever more, Just Anna Maria shall be known as Thigh Thrust Her.

Now for the moment you have been waiting for… I am pleased to announce that the winner of the Best Bare Breasts 2001 contest is $50 Bitch!! She had a flurry of entries in the final week, including flashing for the hash-it run-off, flashing Diaper’s son at EWH3, and showering with the scribe on Monday and Thursday. Along with this prestigious tit-le, she gets a full body massage from the scribe and free beer at every hash she hares for the rest of her life!

On-On! Ducky!