It was with some trepidation that we approached the rugby girls hash on Monday

Hash # 782

Start: Crystal City, VA

Hares: PimpMeLongsucking, Just Mary, Just Barb

It was with some trepidation that I approached the rugby girls hash on Monday. After all, it was this band of hashing neophytes who a year ago couldn't lay a man, much less a trail. Many hashers still had nightmares involving a badly de-floured trail, seeing Shitty Shitty Bang Bang held captive in a parking lot, and getting screwed by the on-on-on place. I'm not sure the sex with men thing has picked up any, but the trail was much better.

We gathered in Crystal City, both the saved and the unsaved, fresh from Bible Camp. But it was a tad difficult to tell the difference as many of the saved had already fallen into sinful ways. Random unconfirmed reports indicate horrendous backsliding abounded. Among the fallen from grace were: 2Lips in the Bush and Fucking Genius, who were observed having impure thoughts during discussions of $50Bitch and ButtPlug’s striptease before the Midnite Bear-Ass-Nekkid Run, which progressed to spilling of seed on the beer van. No. 2 was observed staring at Twatsssuuuppp and her babysitter, Sloppy Ho, and it seemed quite obvious that he was imagining himself wallowing with them in a bathtub full of chocolate sauce.

ShortBusBitch and Vominatrix had their hands slapped for touching themselves in an unapproved manner during their discussion of the mysterious tent humpathon at Bible Camp. And SnatchShot was reprimanded for touting her Internet seminar "Masturbation – Any Time is the Right Time." TipHerWhipHer was cited for renting the porno video "Horny Gimp Girls Need Crutch Lickers." These erotic discussions produced a tent in the shorts of Shellacking the Bishop, but he denied that it was his tent, and if it was his tent, then it was not his dick in his tent, depending on the definition of dicking in the tent.

More than a Mouthful was seen trying to hide bite marks from Bible Camp that had Raised Titanic welts all over his body. Black Box tried to convince Mellow4SkinCheese, Cliterature, Goomba and BoloHeadRat to eat some special XXXmas pie, promising that they'd get a pony ride at the next Bible Camp.

Someone who read the entire hareline said we were all supposed to dress up in red and green for the Christmas in July theme. A few wankers actually did. For instance, I saw H2Ho all duded up in Christmas garb. 8aPuss asked if he could climb all over her like a kitty mounting the Christmas bush. She said no, but welcomed him to lick her body from head to toe.

Finally we began the actual run activities with Finger Pickin’ Good leading the group in Father Abraham. The hares conspired to lead us through the hills of Crystal City. I noticed a number of anomalies. For instance, a large white labrador stood fully erect in a picture window as Poodle Fucked sashayed by. FAG became visibly aroused as Backsnatch ran by in a translucent t-shirt with fully erect nipples. ThighThruster kept using her cell phone in a questionable manner to contact her girlfriend for some counseling. I’m sure I heard her say: “Cum to the hash and I’ll help you find the right spot and we can lick this thing together.”

As we meandered through the streets, we came upon a cranberry shot check down in the bushes. The locals were also very accommodating. They hosed us off on just about every street. A quick thinking homeowner had to use full hose power on Tit, Jr. nearly drowning him, as he sought to play Mountie with Battery Operated Buddy and WhoreMoans. A proud Holy Tit could only look in smiling approbation.

We got to the beer check where I noticed that Goofy met his doppeldonger, the visitor Goofy from the U.K. They exchanged notes and stale jokes about Minnie Mouse not being crazy, just fuckin’ Goofy.

Our new beer bitch was appointed by Puts It Out, Just Jay Duffy donned the sacred garb and assumed the position. We were just starting off on the next leg when World Wide began telling various harriers to quit whining about the heat and instead draw divine inspiration from looking at her ass as we plodded up another hill.

Sigourney Beaver told me that she was on best behavior because of her siblings being present at the hash. But she earned extra points for bringing in two replacement sluts to take over for her. I tried to get their names, but just then I was distracted by 8aPuss straddling a chain link fence to the detriment of his balls, which began to resemble WOWO’s famous spaghetti and meatballs dinner.

After another shot check, we cruised back to the start for circle festivities. There were a number of additional violations noted: Big Bird Turd and Missed Erections for pawing at Holy Tit’s pants, Holy Tit for soliciting sex from an old lady for her social security check, WOWO for having 8aPuss wrapped around his head…who said head?, Summers Eve for having a bigger penis than Big Dick No Brains, FAG for making heterosexual propositions, and U.S. Boobs for being late or the bunny being dead or something like that.

Virgins: Just…Wendy (Let me ski your mountains), Charlie (Let me be your Ho, Ho, Ho), Heddy or Heady or Heatie? (Let me jingle your balls), Katie (Juggle these balls), Lizzie (I got a floor exercise for you), Mike (Let me hang on your tree), Trail pickup virgin, Adam (Open this box), Chris, (Let me slide down your North Pole).

Visitor: Goofy (Guildford, U.K.).

There were a whole raft of LongTimeNoSeers like 14K Cock, Target Practice, Tickcock, Bad Bush, BOB, Cliterature, Leave it in Beaver, and Kojack Crack.

Analversary: $50B for 100 Runs (that can’t be right, I think she just needed a beer).

Naming: Just Kevin of the Brew Crew was led into the circle for his naming. It seems that young Kevin is quite the ladies man going all the way back to his boy scout days, which led to all sorts of crude shouts that drew the attention of the police. Arlington’s finest told us to do a quiet naming, and so the slander continued at a low, yet venomous level. Assorted names like Boy Scout Pack 69, Bitch Magnet, Pocket Wad, Cumteen Boy, and Weblows were offered up when young Tit, Jr. reminded us that before reaching the boy scout or weblow level, Kevin must have been a Cum Scout. And after some furious voting, for now and ever more in the world of hashing, Cum Scout is his name.

…MiteyTite

A very sad note: On Monday night, WH4 lovingly awarded the hashshit to our Spicy Tuna Roll, Ellie Yawata, for Bible Camp antics. On Saturday afternoon, Ellie was struck by a bus and killed while bicycling near Calvert Street and the Duke Ellington Bridge in Adams Morgan. The WH4 family is deeply saddened by the tragic loss of this wonderful young woman, and we send our heartfelt sympathies to Ellie’s family and friends as we mourn her passing.