Warning: This paper contains 30% head cheese, dogfish, and salty penis snack mix. May cause dry mouth,

fish mouth, and uncontrolled thirst for beer. Alcohol simply intensifies this effect.

Hash # 786 -- The West Nile Virus Hash

Start: East Falls Church Metro

Hares: Microsoft, Black Box, Vibrator, Latecummer

As I begin to write this trash, waves crash on the beach, ocean spray cools my face on a perfect summer day, and I nod off into a sun-drunk hashing dreamland. Did I just see Buttplug, US Boobs and Vominatrix take off their bikini tops? ..…. Reluctantly, I drift back to Falls Church on the West Nile….

.... And I'm recalling 146 hashers milling around on a side street swatting mosquitoes and blaming every hasher ailment on West Nile Virus. For instance, have you ever seen Holy Tit's feet? Leading Africanists, Beer Slut and Indiana Bones surmise that HT must have been invaded through the toes by an African Hookworm, and that this creature is slowly advancing through his spindly body. This diagnosis was confirmed by Full Metal Balls, a certified pedophilotryst (a Child and Stunted Adult Foot Specialist). He opines that it's only a matter of time before HT is consumed from within or expels the hugely engorged parasite from his anal cavity. No wonder the man is so obsessed with spending quality time on the hopper........

.......After trying to gain the attention of the unruly mob, our lord and master full of grace, Puts It Out called the hash to order and led us in Father Abraham his own self.

The trail meandered through the streets of Falls Church and was notable for the number of frequent back checks. Number Two tried to hold back keeping an eye on Vibrator for a clue as to when to pull out, but he lost control when upon seeing After School Special charging a-head into a park. He spurted into the bush only to have to withdraw prematurely again and again.

The devious hares set so many bad trails that the pack appeared to cross over itself and become disoriented. By the time we got to the beer check, frontrunners Dairy Queen, Daddy's Dick, Dumb and Dumber and Diaper disappeared. Someone said it was due to a loss of spiritual direction, but I also heard rumors that Exhibit A and B had asked them to help open her exhibit C for a very special showing off trail. No Motion in the Ocean and Oil of Nolay came up to the beer check slathered in butter and covered by welts. The butter didn't work for bug protection, but it did attract the attention of Necrofeelmyass and SaddleUp. PIO appointed Tastes Like Chalk to carry the dog on a stick as the beer bitch substitute, but he could not be found, so HT was forced to carry the inflatable fido. Black Box told us about a traffic terrible accident that threatened to mess up the rest of the trail, but assured us that she had "worked something out" with a cop just as things came to a head.

... Later I resumed writing the trash inside of a cozy beach house. But I've been belting down so many rounds of US Boobs' home-made raspberry vodka drink that I can't hold my pencil upright and I'm drooling onto a laptop. Speaking of laps, now ButtPlug is sitting on my lap commenting as to how soft and cushy I am, unlike other guys, who would have a huge throbbing boner at this point. Since I can't produce anything of note, Vominatrix, US Boobs and ButtPlug have pulled the computer away from me to pursue their own sexual agenda. I cannot be held responsible for their libidinous ravings as they work out their sexual issues in print.

Anyway, the second half of the trail was long and straight along the bike trail, which led to some boredom. I am ashamed to report that Dairy Queen could not amuse himself with normal pursuits like self-abuse or exhibitionism or flatulence. Instead he turned to a well endowed civilian walker, misrepresented the Hash as a 4H Cow-Club, and offered to milk her swollen breasts to relieve the obvious pressure. He also mentioned milky discharge could cure the salty penis symptoms of West Nile Virus. Reports indicate that DQ showed up at the on-in with a milk mustache and a de-salted penis head.

Virgins/Vagina-Penis Gallery: Just...Eric (Sting me here); Kristy (Get on my Staff); Leda (I like it when you bite me) ; Bob (Show me your mosquito bites); Carrie (When in Rome do the Romans); Romya (Show us your specimen); and 4 virgins to be named later.

Cum Scout for finishing third in a triathalon;

Slipknot for having mongrammed hashing shorts; HadaMadam for rear-ending a car for the insurance;

After School Special for announcing she had no boyfriend for three years, but that didn't keep her from getting laid. Summer's Eve and Holy Tit for autohashing; Black Box for sex with a cop; WOWO and Short Bus for racing on trail; Just David and Sloppy Ho for sex on trail; Snatchkey Kid for ugly toe; WOWO for molting chest hair on trail; Just Megan for enviro damage on trail; GBOF for running 3 miles before the hash to warm up, and FuckemDanno for a salty penis.

Finally Assfinder was awarded the Hashit for stumbling off the Metro, drunk in public, mouthing off to a cop, and spending the night in jail. His new jail-wife wants to keep in touch.

Just Tomoko has been hashing with us for quite a while without a name. We took note of her Japanese heritage, Telecom experience, getting tossed out of Lulu's, liking horses and/or doing it in a barn, and love of the good tasting sushi. We considered an assortment of names like... Sperminatrix, Cum on Irene, Flipper Fucker, Missed 3 Periods, 1-900-Horse-Cock, and Gawd. Then WOWO announced that he had some previously undisclosed information about Tomoko's interest in certain forms of butt-fun and we arousingly endorsed Pacific RimJob as her name throughout the world of hashing.

Just Steve was called forth and it was revealed that he and Evil Jesus like to drink and then go on long runs and then drink some more. And while he was on bag duty for the hash, he lost the hash bags, which produced some fine suggestions like Sackless, Head of Dick, Pee Pee's Big Adventure, PurtyMouth, Eunuch, JizzBouquet, 7 Seconds in Tibet, but PIO decreed that his name would be Jesus' Bitch, and there was much grumbling, but then the cops came and we scurried over to Franks for redneck music, waitress ogling and cheap beer.

On-On, Mitey Tite