I have to admit I was a bit skeptical about this hash, due to the nightmare that was BS’s last trail.  To refresh your memory, it was almost entirely underground in mile long, dark, dirty tunnels.  Regardless, the derelicts began to drag in, and we spent the moments prior to the hash sipping on some cool, refreshing pre-hash beer.  Soon, Big Bird Turd circled us up and he introduced a lively pack of virgins and visitors.  Then the newly engaged Great Balls of Fire and BiteMeElmo led a moving rendition of Father Abraham.

The hares told us the on-on was “that way” and the pack took off.  Almost immediately the wankers in my immediate vicinity stopped in their tracks and began gazing to the heavens as if star struck.  When I asked For Sale or Rent (often found staring into space) what they were looking at, she pointed up to the lead hashers, running up above on a foot bridge and told me they were waiting to see where they came down.  Pretty clever!  We watched them run through a building, down the stairs, and finally we were on-on.  We ran through Rossyln and across several more footbridges.  It seemed that BS was determined to make this trail the exact opposite of his last, all in the air instead of underground.   Then we ran to Iwo Jima, down the hill, through a tunnel, down a creek, through some woods, past the Memorial Bridge and along the Potomac.

Meanwhile, the FRB’s had taken off and as usual run blindly at top speed despite there being no hash anywhere to be seen.  Eventually, Short Bus Bitch picked up trail on the other side of the Holiday Inn.  The problem was, SB2 picked up the 2nd half of the trail. Thus they were separated from the pack like the outcasts they are.   PuTITout realized something was amiss (other than Missed Erections) when they reached the end of the trail in 5 minutes.   So PIO and the FRBs (who were CumByYa, Dumb Blonde, PoodleF*cked, Full Metal Balls, Snatch Shot, Short Bus Bitch, Hawaiian Puke, and others) valiantly turned around and ran the trail backwards, on a virtual Quest for the Holy Trail (aka, the Wholly Shitty Trail).  They guessed it might have gone to the Iwo Jima memorial, and so went that way, but could not find the Holy Trail, so they continued running around in circles searching in vain.

Just as I was getting thirsty, we arrived at the beer stop, which was at the bridge at Roosevelt Island.  There was a bit of a commotion going on, in the form of a group of male hashers with a virgin, Just Camille, in tow.  They took her to the Grand Master and Mitey Tite said “We found a bitch – let’s bone her!” Big Bird Turd asked how they knew she was a bitch.  Mr Softy said “she turned me into Mr. Hardy!”  BBT explained that there are ways of telling if she is a bitch.  He queried, “what else do you bone?”  “More bitches!” said Penis.cum. “Pies!” said Banana Republic. “Blow up dolls” said KY Belly.  “Right,” said BBT, “and blow up dolls float…what else floats?”  “Beer?” said Low Sperm Count. “Cookies?” said Test Tube Baby.  “Very small rocks?” said Wind Beneath My Weenie.  “A Duck!” said Back Snatch.  “Exactly. So logically, if she weighs the same as a duck, she’s a bitch.”  However, Duckjob was with another bitch, $50 Bitch, so it could not be determined if Just Camille was a bitch.

Then we started the 2nd part of the Holy Shitty Trail.  We ran through Rosslyn and all of the bichin’ hills there.  Then we started seeing these unintelligible pack marks all over the trail:

SirF*cksAlot recognized that they were the marks of one of the FRBs, Full Metal Balls, who obviously had been running backwards in his quest for the Whole Shitty Trail.  Unfortunately, SFA was unable to lead his fellow hasher to the promised land.  As it turns out, the FRB’s could have found the Holy Shitty Trail, but when they got to the tunnel, Hawaiian Puke noticed that it was guarded by bees. PuTITout was incredulous that Puke was getting worked up over some silly little insects.  Puke warned that these were not just ordinary harmless bees, but the most foul, cruel and bad tempered wasps you ever set eyes on, with huge, sharp stingers.   When FMB reminded the rest of the FRB’s of the Full Moon Hash two nights ago, where bees attacked and nearly killed several hashers.  Rather than risk certain, peril they turned back and went to wait for the rest of the pack, which eventually strolled in to the On-In.

The Circle:

There were a slew of virgins in attendance, most notably two that Short Bus Bitch made cum, her sister Just Libby and two-year-old nephew Just Caden.  Now that’s a close family!  The other virgins in no particular order were Just Shane, Just Essie, Just Chad, Just Amy, Just Camille, Just Peter, Just David, Just Eric, Just John, Just Steve, and Just Rebecca.  Hopefully they were not too frightened by the events of the evening, and will cum again and cum often.

Our sole visitor of the evening was Sloppy Seconds, all the way from the DC Full Moon H3.  The Long Time, No See’ers were Vincent Van Blow and Just Bert. Coincidentally, the reason they’ve been absent for so long is that they have just recovered from month long comas.  Now are healthy enough to resume slowly killing their brains.

Then we had a very solemn occasion, a NAMING!  Just Jen, one of our many lady Rugby players, was brought out into the circle.  The hash was at its cleverest in nominating names for her.  Some of the suggestions included “Who done me” because she’s a writer, “Scrotal Scribe” for the same reason, “123 Pee” for her potty ritual, “Daily Strokes” and “Stroke me Daily” which are self explanatory.  Then PimpMeLongSucking related a story in which Just Jen had been removing hair from her legs and accidentally gotten Nair where the sun don’t shine.  This revelation inspired “One Pube Wonder”, “Shank Beaver”, “Nair Beaver”, and “Scratchy Snatch”.  Finally, Dumb Blonde yelled out “KojakKrak”, the crowd went wild and she was officially dubbed KojakKrak!

Then we had another solemn occasion, a NAMING!  Just Vincent was brought into the circle to be poked and prodded.  Snatch Shot told us that one day, while they were at Band Camp, Just Vince was tubing down the river and he inexplicably lost his inner tube.  He had to swim the entire 3 miles to the finish.  Therefore, she nominated the name, “Missing Rubber.”  Other suggestions along those lines were “Tad Pole”, “Should of had his tube tied”, and “Sexless Tuna”.  There was also “Eunuch”, because he programs in UNIX, “Bonk Her”, “Climb My Pole”, “Slippery Slime”, “Usless Sperm” and “Wrong Hole Tad Pole” (because he climbed into bed drunk and naked with his roommate). After much debate and deliberation, Just Vinnie was named and will be known to WH4 and throughout the world of hashing as MISSING RUBBER!

We had some ANALVERSARIES: it was Celtic Climax’ 50th run and Bonnie Brewer’s 69th.  Ms. Brewer was heard to say that she wants to be 69 forever… I’m sure there are some hasher men (or women) that wouldn’t mind helping her out in that respect! The leaders of the get a life crew were Keil Bastard and Put it Out who both have 100 runs with WH4.  We’ll have their 100 run mugs for them sometime next year.

We had a major violation! Great Balls of Fire and Bite Me Elmo were called into the circle for getting engaged.  But GBOF and BME were nowhere to be found!  Apparently going to get information on the DC hares and harriettes, where all WH4 hashers graduate to when they couple up.  Two random hashers were selected out of the crowd to drink for them.

Finally, the circle was adjourned and we moved on to the Rhodeside Grill to continue the drunken debauchery.  On-On!