WH4 ECOBITCH CHALLENGE

Hash No. #791 - ECO-BITCH CHALLENGE III
Start: Northern Tip of Glover Park, Northwest DC

Hares: $50 Bitch, Missed Erections, Snatch Key Kid, and TipperWhipper filling in for MIA 8aPuss

After Sunday's hash, it was apparent that the White House Hash House Harriers is composed of two separate groups of half-brains: (1) wankers who have no recollection of the Eco-Bitch Challenges either because they are new to the hash or they have killed the brain cells storing those memories and (2) wankers who recall the previous EBC's all too well. The latter group had two different and distinct means of approaching EBC III. Some looked forward to a long and arduous adventure, with excellent terrain, fabulous views and multiple drink stops. Others made alternate plans for Sunday, remembering that the EBC was no stroll in the park.

Here is a brief summary of the previous EBC's, for those of you that have hazy mammories for one reason or another…

Eco-Bitch Challenge II

The 2^nd in this bitchin' series was set last Sept. by $50 Bitch, Missed Erections, 2 Lips On A Dyke, Holy Tit!, and it was one tough titty trail! We started in Georgetown and wound our way up to the Chain Bridge, stopping occasionally to take pictures at designated "Vista Points" on trail. Then we crossed into Virgin-ya and hashed on the trails along the Potomac River, over rocks, streams and trees, stirring up wasp nests and battling the environment on our quest for beer. Eventually we came upon the hares (that was a bit of a mess!), who had canoed across the Potomac for the shot check (something called “Swamp Water”). Then we hashed all the way down to the Key Bridge and back on-in in G'town. The whole trip was about 11 miles over 3 hours, but quite scenic (lots of hariettes in jog bras) and enjoyed by all. Strangely, not many virgins returned after that one (for more info, see http://dchashing.net/wh4/trash/091000.html)

Eco-Bitch Challenge I

The original EBC started at the same field in Glover Park as Sunday's EBC III. The hares were $50 Bitch, Roach Motel, and maybe a few others. I have to confess that I missed the hash itself because I was playing golf that afternoon, but I did make it to the circle to hear the accolades for this, the Ultimate Challenge in Hashing. It was very similar to EBC III and yet exactly opposite of it, traversing the trails in Glover Park, Dumbarton Oaks and Northern Georgetown. One good thing did come out of this hash. $50 Bitch needed a ride to the on-on-on, a few miles away at the 4 P's, and I was in the right place at the right time. That's how I met the Bitch.

Which brings us to EBC III. Before the hash, we milled around the park, drinking beer, socializing, and scoping out members of the opposite sex. Mother's Lay apparently had gotten word of what was in store on this hash because he had a gallon bottle of water to carry on the hash. Then I noticed Jesus' Bitch with his young son, Just Shane, in a stroller, getting ready for the run. Jesus' Bitch was quickly warned that this trail wasn't particularly stroller friendly and that he might need to talk to the hares to figure out an alternate route. Alas, he shrugged and said he'd find a way.

The hash started down Glover park, which conveniently was the way I had walked up to the hash from the Bitch's condom, so I had had a bit of a preview of the hash. Soon we came to the first Turkey Eagle split. Seeing this, Dumb and Dumber said, "Ah, tough and easy…. I'm taking the easy trail today," and then he ran up the Eagle trail. GBOF started to explain it to D&D but was quickly shushed by Evil Jesus, who grinned evilly and said, “let him learn the hard way.”

Next we came to a true trail arrow pointing down a stream and we followed hash down stream. As we climbed out onto dry land, Snatch Key Kid and Missed Erections ridiculed us for running through the water, because there was a nice wide trail directly adjacent to the stream. We thought you were supposed to run in the stream on the Eco-Bitch! Jesus' Bitch blew by me several times pushing his stroller over roots, rocks, and logs, nearly rattling Just Shane's teeth out.

After about 5 miles, we emerged from the woods into Georgetown, ran a ways down Wisconsin Ave, and finally down an alley to the beer stop. For some reason, there were more wankers drinking water than beer. That's got to be a first!

The 2^nd leg of EBC III turned out to be a giant idiot loop, for the 2^nd beer stop was only 162 yards from the first. I know this because my GPS told me so. No one seemed to mind the loop too much because it's not often we get 2 beer stops at a hash.

The 3^rd leg of EBC III was fairly long, not unlike my own 3^rd leg. This part of the trail weaved us through the neighborhoods between Wisconsin and Connecticut (the Avenues, not the states.) Finally we were On-In!

The Circle:

Mis-management quickly huddled to get our shit together with respect to who would run the circle. Religious Advisor Put It Out was in Phoenix playing with fire, RaiseMyTitanic had split at the beginning of the hash, and since $50 Bitch was a hare, running the circle would be a conflict of interest for her. Watergate had planned to MC for us, but she didn't realize it was going to be a 3 hour tour, and thus the climax of the hash for her was premature. Therefore it was decided that next in the line of command was the Secretary of the Cash, Fag. Fag began with a toast to the hash and the beer bitch, a really hot young hariette who's name for some reason escapes me (but I would recognize her tits all the way across a crowed bar!)

The Virgins

Just Art (#2 made him cum)

Just Hannah (Freddie Kruger made her cum)

Just Shane, the 3 yr. Old Boy Wonder

Just Sharon and Just Ed (not sure who made them cum, but if they cum back, maybe you can give it a try)

The Visitors

Hands Solo (Omaha)

Tracking Foreign Objects (Omahahaha)

Rock Rabbit (Tablisi, Repubic of Georgia)

AnalVersaries

Black Box (250), Bundling Board (250), Great Balls of Fire (269) and #2 (269)

Mug Club

Evil Jesus has cum to WH4 for 25 times, so he was presented with his genuine, yellow plastic Whitehouse mug club mug with handy lanyard for hands free beer drinking.

Long Time, No See'ers

Garfield, Double Blow Seven, ProBoner, Rat's Ass, Puss'n' Boots, SirFucksALot, Tez's Smirnoff Smerks, Throbbing Member and our long lost Hash Cash, Watergate

Hash Gimp:

Next we brought out the hash gimp, Freddy Kruger, for a special down-down. A mere quarter of a mile into EBC III, Freddy's foot had a vicious altercation with a tree root, and unfortunately the root won. Goofy and $50 Bitch were there to carry him out of the woods, where they haled him a cab and took him to the beer stop. Let future Eco-Bitchers be warned: the Eco-Bitch Challenge is WH4's toughest trail of the year and it takes no prisoners.

Violations:

The following violations were dutifully recorded by your humble scribe on trail. (Well, ok, I actually made them up after the trail, just before the circle.)

Jesus Bitch for taking his 3 yr. old son on the eagle trail in a stroller and nearly killing him

Evil Jesus for trying to baptize Just Shane with beer

Test Tube Baby for racing

Don'tLetYourMeatCumSoon for cumming late, dressed in extremely un-hash-like attire

Just Anna for auto-hashing (hitching a ride in SSBB)

No Genitals for being DFL and holding Watergate's car keys hostage

WOWO for whining all week about EBC III

Cliterature for having a prick in his ass at the beerstop

At this point violation accusations were opened to the circle, and it was immediately apparent that evil forces were conspiring to frame your humble scribe. Someone in the crowd yelled, "Ducky's got a GPS," and the mob became unruly. I attempted to argue that the GPS is a tool of the scribe to record the hash, not unlike the HashFlash's camera, but the Penis Gallery wasn't hearing none of that. So, to calm the crowd down and to head off the potential riot, I conceded to do a down-down this time only for safety's sake.

Snatch Key Kid was also awarded a down-down, because, while setting the trail near the Observatory (Dick’s house), she was confronted by the District Police who were concerned about the foreign substance she was throwing on the ground. It took 8 policemen to subdue the Kid. She was released after a lengthy interrogation, but the hares were warned not to take the hash past the Veep's house.

And then we had a very solemn occasion…

Just Jay had been wearing the naming hat all through the run was interrogated by the hash in an attempt to create an appropriate name for him. We learned that he works for the IRS, diligently separating people from their hard earned money. He is also a member of the Northern Virginia running club. Now there were 2 strikes against Just Jay, because the in direct conflict with the hash are losing beer money and competitive running. But then Just Jay confessed that his favorite farm animal is a sheep, so we figured he must be one of us. Some of the better name suggestions were Takes it All, IRSex, Give Me an Extension, Internal Rectal Scratch, and 1040 EZ, but finally we decided on a name we deemed most suitable for this man. Henceforth and forevermore in the Whitehouse Hash (and throughout the world of hashing), Just Jay shall be known as MASTER(RE)BATER.

The Hash Shit was not present, so Evil Jesus was extremely lucky because there was not a single half-brain in the circle who didn't think He deserved it.

On On, Ducky