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WH4 Hash # 792 The Queen Hash
Start: Dupont Circle
Hares: JAGQueen, Delaware Queen, Dairy Queen, Prison Prom Queen

Ok, Ok, so this trash has a late distribution date and is short on content. Well, Jesus H. Tit, we ain't printin' the Gutenberg Bible here, nor the Book of DuckJob, for that matter. In case you haven't noticed, I'm competing at the lowest levels of journalism with Larry King by putting together a set of complete non-sequiturs and calling it a news column.

As we gathered the hash together, a bunch of whiny anti-globalization freaks were hanging around the old DuPont fruit loop. Someone had scrawled on the sidewalk in chalk, "No More Bush Wars." Monkey Piss tried to amend the slogan to the more hash-friendly "More Bush."

Meanwhile, No. 2 engaged a few of the snot-nosed titty-baby protesters in intellectual repartee. The gist of it was that he offered to pound the living shit out each of them until they agreed that "reaching out for greater understanding" would not be an effective deterrent in dealing with people who want to become martyrs by indiscriminately killing as many Americans as possible. PIO and FAG led off the hash with a rousing rendition of Father Abraham, and the frenzied cluster was on its way.

We started in Dupont Circle, went up Connecticut Ave past S street and then up by the Irish Residency and then back down to Florida Ave, into Georgetown, with a Beer Check at P Street Beach, and then meandered over to 19th and L into the alley by the former Mr. Day's.

TipHerWhipHer was accused of lewd behavior with her crutch. There are plenty of whispers that she's milking this hop-along thing for a sympathy poke. I must report that No. 2 is still trying to remove the rubber tip of a crutch from his buttocks, occasioned by an offer to polish Tipper's crotch. Just Holly, not having a bum leg to hobble on, decide to stretch provocatively to attract attention. This promiscuous stretching carries the risk of inciting a jihad, or a dry hump from behind by Ground Chuck. Bad Ditch was written up for fraudulent wearing of a racing shirt. I will recycle the oft-stated allegation that she has never raced after anything except for cold beer and younger men.

Black Box led the fashion violations with a hideous super-fly jump suit. This outfit was actually toned down so as not to scare away a frighteningly naive suitor, whose obsequious slobbering over Ms. Box did not go unnoticed. One Tit Only said she is applying for a position as a Federal Air Marshall. I suggested that she show me how to subdue a raging boner, and now my ribs hurt a lot from that little misunderstanding.

SnatchShot and Big Bang did a half marathon to slim down for the upcoming full moon panty party pre-lewd. Just Tara (I shall nevah go horny agaiyun), admitted to being a Assistant Principal in charge of corporal punishment. Spank Me immediately admitted to being verrry verrry bad. She confessed to thinking about competing in triathalons during sex rather than attending to her partners' (multiple?) needs.

Vominatrix and 2DayLay saw a bus-load of hardworking police officers come steaming along. The bus slowed down to survey these two lookers who proceeded to flash their shiny little heinies to our nation's finest. Duckie and Crafty felt left out, so they flashed their turgid members, but only attracted attention from some boys in the park. I am ashamed to report that DuckJob soiled his pants during this incident.

Picking up a cue from Dairy Queen, Monkey Piss was a continuing embarrassment as he tried to pick up nursing mothers in Georgetown. Doesn't Miss A Drop informed me that she was not getting adequate publicity in the trash. We reached an oral agreement to increase coverage of her assets. I talked to Just Jessica and my badly written notes indicate she expressed a desire to have jello rubbed all over her supine, naked form. WEED (White Emaciated Ethiopian Dude) made a rare appearance with his wife no less. If I were his wifey, I wouldn't let him out in public either.

Fire in the Cornhole and Teenie Weenie Peenie, SuxItBlue, and Road Whore competed for the newest shoes violation. (Well Hung was disqualified for washing and polishing his after every hash (can you say obsessive-compulsive, tightly clenched anal retentive personality disorder boys and girls?).

There was some keen competition for the Hashit as Crafty was violated for doing bad Canadian impressions, Goofy for promiscuous nudity in the circle (not a good idea given the cold and shrunken state of little Goofy). And there was the imcumbent, Fire in the Cornhole, as well as Sit on My In Her Face for wearing a Taliban turban, and Monday Sticky Monday, who didn't do anything but had to stand in for Prison Prom Queen. In a rare lapse of judgement, I went to get a beer and have no idea who walked away with the Hashit.

We had a special presentation of a Mickey Mouse fireman from FAG to firefighin' PIO. One Tit Only displayed one tit and then another tit to add some spirit to the occasion. And then it was touching as Just Tara and HolyTit joined in the tribute by pulling PIO's shorts down and exposing his lil' nozzle.

Virgins and Greetings

Just Lauren (sponsor-FAG) ["you wanna job, we've got a position for you"]

Just Kristen (sponsor-Just Holly) ["just pull down your pants and bend over]

Visitors

Jill Wagner (Korea) when one Jill Wagner drinks...

Sucks Spears (Maputo)

Just Lars (Hanoi)

Just Carol (Savanah)

LongTimeNoSeers - Dead Snatch, AddaDicktoMe, Dry Cock, Finger Pickin Good, Finger Lickin Good, Hare Pie, Monkey Piss, One Tit Only, Packed with Semen, In-Her-Face, Teenie Weenie Peenie, WEED.

Analversarian -Black Box - 250 Runs!!!

On-In, MiteyTite