Warning: This paper contains 30% recycled bratwurst casings. May not be 100% effective

means of birth control. Alcohol intensifies this effect.

WH4 Run #795: The Octo-beer Fest Hash (a.k.a. "We laid 'er, hosen' and all!")
Location: Vest Valls Church Metro, Virgin-ya!
Hares: Hymenator, Crouching Drag Queen, Hidden Boner, 2 Lips in the Bush, Soccer Mom, Looney, 8apus, and Puss 'n' Boots (because you need like eight fuckin' hares to organize an Octo-beer Fest)

When you consider all of the celebrations throughout the world, like Mardi Gras, Carnival, the Running of the Bulls, the Chinese New Year, and Holytit's favorite, the Toronto Pig Fucking Festival, you really have to rank Octoberfest up there with the best of the best. I, myself, have never been to Octoberfest, so it was with great ejaculations that I looked forward to the White House HHH Octo-beer fest Hash, especially with the promise that some "lucky Fraus get a wiener in their schnitzel!" Yeah, baby! We're talking Dinkle Acker, Brats and beer, and the chance to Polk-a-Bavarian Bush. Woo Hoo!!

So, we met at the very Germanesque Vest Valls Church Metro, and naturally the brew crew, Big Burd Turd and WhereDaFaKhawe had Shitty Shitty Bang Bang tapped and pouring the finest Octo-beer fest brews (if I'm not mistaken, Bud Light and Old Dominion.) And it was a real sausage fest around the beer van…. Ich Leibe Dick's mouth was watering regarding all of the meat on display. As he signed us in, Fag tried in vain to get any Herr-ier to give him a bite of wiener. Mitey Tite totally rejected him, saying that he was sharing his sausage with his "I got you, babe," Monkey Piss.

Put It Out circled us up and we proceeded with our usual pre-hash business of meeting the visitors and virgins. Just as we were getting ready for a round of Father Abraham, PIO noticed Freddy Kruger and a virgin strolling up from the metro. Freddy Kruger explained that he was late because the metro has terrorist security measures in place. Apparently some genius determined that if they closed down one of the tracks and made both outbound and inbound trains share a single track, a terrorist incident was 50% less likely. Anyway, Freddy led us in Father Abe and then we were ON-ON.

The trail started off down a big hill to the highway, but the pack soon about faced after finding a back check, which really pissed off M.I. C-och Shoots Blanks because he had to haul his ass back up that hill. Then we climbed over a wall and followed a trail through the woods down to a drainage ditch, where we crossed over swift running water on a makeshift bridge. And this was all on the walkers trail!

$50 Bitch, Mr. Softy, the Pimp of Sarajevo, Jimi Hendrix, Oralgina and I were Dead Fucking Last because we just couldn't keep up with those speedy walkers. In fact we got so far behind that we lost sight of the pack and I had to ask some spectators at a soccer match if they had seen our band of drunken hashers. They steered us in the right direction, but pretty soon we saw the walkers heading back to us because Puss 'n' Boots misread the map and took a wrong turn or two. That was understandable because her map was in brail on the front of her shirt. Big Dick No Brains offered to help her read it, but two new dots emerged on her shirt which just added to the confusion. Meanwhile, Fag was plotting a coup de "tits out" to get the map from P'n'B, but we got to the shot check before he could stage a hostile takedown.

At the shot check, Nippless Cage had a bottle of Peach Schnapps to warm us up. Since we were DFL, most of the pack had already come and gone, but WoWo was still there with his jeep, having autohashed directly from the airport. Maizee dog was looking pretty sad having been stung by a bee on her paw. Freddy K tried giving her some Schnapps to ease the pain, which is exactly what I do when I get stung by bees, but Maizee was looking a little woozy. $50 Bitch, Just Tom and I volunteered to be her medical crew, so we jumped in WoWo's jeep and rode straight to the beer stop.

The beer stop was in an office parking lot in Falls Church. I think by now we had given up on the German part of the Octo-beer Fest theme, realizing that the hares simply intended for everyone to drink eight beers (since "Octo" is German for eight.) Beer Slut, Doesn't Miss a Drop and And Hows Her Bush were having no problems meeting the eight beer minimum.

From the Beer Stop, we made our way up to Rt. 7 and ran past Fleet Feet. Vibrator considered going on a last minute shopping spree to get some supplies for her upcoming r*ce (you know, the one with all the Marines). She said she needed a new jog bra to stabilize and contain her enormous breasts, but Back Snatch argued that it would be better and more natural if she just let them free, especially as she passes the WH4 beer stop at about mile 20. I think she said she would be happy to flash the hash for a beer, but I could be mistaken. From there, we hung a right at Tara Thai and were ON-IN behind the shopping center.

CIRCLE UP, YOU WANKERS!

The first order of business was to get the beer bitch drunk. So who was the beer bitch today? Well, at the beer stop, we made Just Michelle beer bitch, but she couldn't be at the circle because she was having a mail order groom flown in straight from Russia, (sorry, guys, looks like she's given up on you) so she had to go to the airport and pick him up. However, she managed to talk Just Leda into taking her place, and Just Leda did an excellent job of distributing the down-downs.

Next we made the hares drink for that shitty trail. The songmeister was incapacitated for some reason, so Put It Out put together a songmeister chorus consisting of Monkey Piss (because he used to be in an Oompah band), Wax on Whacks off (because he has really cool mutton chops) and Big Dick No Brains (actually, he begged to be a co-songmeister because he thought he could leverage the position to bag a virgin.) As they led us in "Here's to the Hares," an unknown drunken bimbo felt the sudden urge to do a tittie shot off of Hidden Boner, so she did. BDNB then abandoned the songmeister chorus to pursue other endeavors.

Then it was time to deflower the VIRGINS. Apparently it was Manage a Trois Day because there were lots of threesomes coming together: Doesn't Miss a Drop made Just Sara and Just Dan come, Hairy Gateway made Just Susan and Just Andy come, and Just Julius made Just Catherine and Just Stephany come.

Free Refills robbed the cradle to get Just Shawn to come (actually, he claimed it was his 21^st birthday so I guess he was legal, but as far as I know, no one actually saw his identification). Freddy Kruger made Just Eric come, Hymenator made Just Ginger come (but she had to leave early so she missed the circle), and Just Jim made Just Katie come. The Galleries of Penis and Vagina welcomed the virgins with the normal drunken, bowdy requests, like, "Show me your hot sausage," "Let me be your frauline," and "Yukon do me!". Unfortunately, we couldn’t get Just Catherine to show us the rest of her tattoos.

Believe it or not, we had a few VISITORS from faraway places. There was Furry Red Bush (FRB) from San Diego, Draw Bridge from Tasmania, and Saturday Night Beaver from San Antonio. The drunken bimbo joined them in the circle and stripped down to her bra to welcome them to WH4.

Then $50 Bitch interrupted the circle to make an important announcement. Some drunkard had left their Mitsubishi car keys in the keyhole, so we summoned MeSoBeechy into the circle to see if they were hers. They weren't, but Free Refills claimed them. Needless to say, both harriettes did down-downs.

VIOLATIONS:

*Bolo Head Rat for turning on some of the harriettes by wearing really tight pants that showed off his little chubby.

*Freddy Kruger for trying to get a bitch drunk (Maizee)

*Puss 'n' Boots for taking the walkers on a long detour so she could watch young boys play soccer

*Furry Red Bush for making prank calls at a payphone

*Garfield for lying to the pack so he could be an FRB

*And there were lots of autohashers: Diaper, Bad Dog, WoWo, Just Tom, $50 Bitch and myself (I was tired)

Then we had birthday down-downs for Sigorney Beaver and Just Shawn, who both turned 21. We all sung "Happy Birthday, Fuck you" to them, except for BDNB and the drunken bimbo who were rolling around on the ground making out.

There were some ANAL-verseries. I, Ducky, celebrated 125 hashes, Missed Erections has 150 and Jimi Hendrix has come 175 times.

There were also some Long time nO SeeRS (read the capital letters for a hidden message): Big Dick No Brains, Hawaiian Puke, Jimi Hendrix, Oralgina, Puss 'n' Boots, Shake 'n' Bake, Shocking Cock, Sigourney Beaver, Spurt Plus, Stool Sample, Turkey Timer, and 2 Lips in the Bush (and when one hare drinks….)

Unfortunately, we had to announce some very sad news to the circle. Sunday's hash was to be Well Hung's last hash for the foreseeable future, because work is taking him to Bahrain. Take care and hurry back, WH!

And last but not least, we had a very solemn occasion. We had a NAMING!!! Just Tom has come to WH4 nine times over the past six months. To make a long story short, we named the wanker Mr. PIB. PIB is an acronym for Penis In a Blanket, so if you call him Mister Penis in a Blanket or even Mister Penis you might get a rise out of him. The reason we named him Mr. PIB is because Just Rhonda made him come, he's a computer geek and he loves big breasts. That reminds me, can you still find Mr. Pib soft drinks 'round here?