"In Beer We Trust"
Oct 28, 2001
 

WH4 Run #797 - The Marine Corps Drinkathon Hash
Where: Iwo Jima Memorial
Hares: KY Belly, Golden Showers and Knee Me in the Balls and Sing Me a Country Song

Hmmm, let's see.... Oh yeah!   After having a few beers at the Quarterdeck on this lovely winter day, me, $50 Bitch, GBOF, BiteMeElmo, Leave It In Beaver, Whore Moans and I meandered on down to the hash start at the Iwo Jima War Memorial.  It was extremely crowded, even for a nice Saturday afternoon, and lots of people were wearing medals around their necks and shiny, tin foil looking blankets. At first I thought, oh shit!  This must be the Shiny, Tin Foil Looking Blanket Hash, and I'm not dressed for the theme!  But then I realized they were already sweaty and stinky and had salt caked up on the sides of their faces, and I didn't recognize any of them, so this couldn't be a Whitehouse Hash.  It must have been a Baltimore/Annapolis hash or something. Jeeez, what a coincidence!  I hope their marks don't fuck up our trail!

We all circled up, and it was a smallish crowd of 90 or so with a smattering of new faces.  The hares explained that it was A to B, there was one beer stop and candy corn was used for hash marks instead of flour, because we are not allowed to use flour on our hashes anymore because there is a worldwide flour shortage and it is now against the law to waste it for marking trails.  Damn oppressive government!   Twatssssuuuupppp! led us in Father Abraham, but for some reason she was moving kind of slow and stiff-leggedly.  I told her she ought to see a doctor about her knees because they are supposed to bend.  Then we were on-on, but almost half of the hash was walking today, wankers who normally run like Microsoft, Jesus' Bitch, Back Snatch, and Holytit!  They must be really hungover from last night or something.

We were carrying our bags on the trail, because someone said we should pretend like we were marines going to combat.  And then I remembered what the theme of this hash was!  I'm so stupid.  This was the Run With Your Backpack Like a Marine Hunting Down the Taliban Hash. Of course!  We followed the hares through the hoards of Shiny Blanket Hashers and to the bag van, which in this case was a VW Rabbit.  How many bags can you stuff into a VW Rabbit?  90 or so, with room to spare.  Then we hashed through Arlington, running across Ft. Myers, and kind of toward National Airport.  I was thinking, cool! There must be an airplane flight on this hash!  But then we aboutfaced and ran right through Freedom Plaza.  There I saw that someone had put Bolo Head Rat in jail, behind Martin Luther King's Birmingham, AL, jail door, and no matter how hard he tried, Bolo couldn't break through.  I kept looking for candy corn hash marks, but all I saw were chalk triangles.  Finally we saw "Beer Near" in a dead end road beside the Key Bridge, but no Shitty Shitty Bang Bang!  Some of us kept going, following Hawaiian Puke down a trail through a thicket and up through a town house development.  I realized, shit!  We missed the beer stop, so I went back and sure enough SSBB was there and so was our attractive clique of beer drinkers doing their thing.

Well, as much as I'd like to continue bull shitting about this trail, I have an appointment with my prostate masseuse, so let me cut to the chase. But first, do you remember last week at the Beer Witch III: Bloody Stump Episode when Twatsssuuuppp! emerged from the woods, displayed a huge bloody gash on her supple body and said she wouldn't be able to wear a shirt for weeks?   Well she was wearing a shirt at the hash today.  Twatsssuuupp with that?  Oh, she said skirt?  Never mind.

So after the beer stop, we basically ran straight to Bardo Rodeo, which by the way is no longer called Ningaloo. It is now called Dr. Dremo's, but I still refer to it affectionately as Bardo.  that concludes our summary of WH4 hash number #797. If you have any questions, direct them to WoWo, because although he drinks as much as anyone, he never, never, ever blacks out and forgets stuff about a hash.  (But don't expect him to tell you everything that happened at the hash.)

The Circle:

Just Lauren was proclaimed the beer bitch and we gave her the honorary first beer and asked her to pour really huge down downs for the marathoners because they were dehydrated and would get really loopy and do amusing things.

Virgins (and who made ‘em cum):
Just Mark (Closet Slut)
Just Jennifer (Knee Me...)
Just Carol (the Aloha H3 visitors)
Just Danielle (Knee Me...)
Just Deb (RAS and a couple of other male hashers)
Just Nomu (Miso Beechy)
Just Cherry (Big Dick No Brains)
Just Paul (Big Dick No Brains)
(all of course serenaded by the Penis & Vagina galleries with such sentiments as "How long can you go? Whip me, spank me, raise my spirits and other nice suggestions.)

Visitors:
Tickle Me Elmo (Aloha H3), 12 & Under(Aloha H3), Hoser(Aloha H3), Sex Toy (HogTown), Molly Hatchet (either OTH or some foreign country), Stick Your Finger in it (Atlanta), Sniffs the Bitches (Emerald Coast), Pornucopi (Emerald Coast), ASA (Bal'more Annapolis)

Long Time, No See’ers:
Peeking Duck, Great Balls of Fire, Bite Me Elmo, and No Genitals

Anal-verseries:
Great Balls of Fire (275), Fag (69), WoWo (169), Vominatrix (669)

Violations:
First we called out the racers.  Apparently, there was some silly marathon today and a lot of hashers were stricken with a nasty case of temporary insanity and decided to run their asses off for between 3 and 6 hours, depending on whether or not they shortcutted. Evil Jesus was the fastest hasher as far as I know, cumming in at 3:06 or something like that and thus qualifying for the Boston Marathon. He promised to wear his nicest Red Dress for that one.  8APus was the slowest hasher, finishing in 8:00 because he ran it just like a hash and kept running in a straight line even when true trail veers off. He got a little lost and finally wandered in just as the Marines were disassembling the tents. There were so many wankers who were out of there minds and ran this thing that I can't even remember them all, so you'll have to check the official website for their race times (http://www.crazyWH4hashers_in_marinecorpsmarathon_fuckedinthehead.com).

Heinous Violation:
GBOF and Bite Me Elmo were called into the circle because they went and got married since the last time we had seen them and we wanted to ask them just what the hell were they thinking getting married?  Now they'll have to join the DC Hares & Harriettes!  GBOF informed us that BiteMeElmo was inside Bardo Rodeo going wee wee, so we did a little match making and made the other Elmo, Tickle Me Elmo from Aloha fill in for BME.

Hash-It:
The hash-it was stolen last week!  2 Day Lay and Vominatrix got it for mooning a bus load full of cops at Dupont Circle, compelling them to give us the finger.  Unfortunately, they lost track of the shit at the on-on-on and somehow it ended up in Tidewater.   Lucky for us, the VA interhash is down Tidewater way, so PutItOut is going down to get it back.

Finally, we went through announcements, Swang Low and were out of there!

On-On!  Ducky