"A hash run may involve crossing streets with traffic or running through fields, woods and

streams with briars, obstacles or poison ivy. Each hasher is responsible for his or her own health,

safety and welfare - get into the spirit of the fun but know your limits."

Hares: MissingLink, Beazer, FullMetalBalls BrewCrew: Number 2

Throbbing Pussy Hash

Hares: DumbBlond, ThrobbingTheCradle, PussyWithAPorpoise.

• October 30, 1999 is the joint Mount Vernon/White House Halloweenie Hash!! Get a costume and come out and terrorize the good citizens of McClean, VA. Details to come, but the run is always interesting and the party afterwards is also a Hoot!

• A very special thanks to the mismanagement of the 6^thAnnual DC Area Red Dress Run. They did a fabulous job! It took a lot of work and anal personalities to put this together, and they did. 797 folks with nothing better to do with their parole time, showed up in red dresses to run the streets of DC. There was even a ride on the Metro where we successfully made a small child break into tears! Joy!

October 3, 1999 "Dog Day Afternoon"

BiteMeElmo

We were really doggin’ this fine Sunday morning. It was the day after the Red Dress Run and the afternoon after the Fat Boys Recovery. MissingLink was showing his canines as we all pulled up to the LeaveItInBeaver’s truck to sign in. Seems the Beave wanted to park in the shade, which was located on the other side of the parking lot from where the hares wanted us to start. Link came over and growled at the Beave, who gave him a sheepdog look and continued to take our Kibble in the form of payment.

Eventually we all trotted over to the other side of the parking lot in order to keep the hares from barking any more.

It was a small, but feeble crowd that gathered. Along with the usual animals, Beazer, Bear, Zeke, and Beazer’s buddie, a bassett/hounddog looking young lady dog, whose name I did not catch howled along to Father Abe. And then the pack was off! And so was the hash…

Things went to the dogs right off. Beazer, Bear, Zeke and Ladydog, were all vying for first place. Unfortunately, the scribe does not know what occurred on this fine hash, since her dog, almost died of a heat stroke. Foaming from the mouth (The dog was too…) the scribe stopped running and had to administer doggie first aid to her beast. Many thanks to BadDog (the irony here is just killin’ me) for knocking on a resident’s door and asking for a bowl of water for the ailing beast. Also to HawaiinPuke who gallantly gave up his water bottle so Bear could have some water. And to BigBird who doused her with water to help her cool down. And to FussyBitch, with navigational help from HolidayHO (who was looking for her lost dog, DropBox), who came to our rescue and gave us a lift to the finish.

But never fear, this scribe hounded DumbBlond to write up something. He admits to not remembering much, probably due to the fact he had not sobered up since the red dress run, but this is the pathetic piece of drivel he turned in as a description of the hash:

"That dog won't hunt" was the gibberish Americana I heard repeatedly on this Dog day afternoon. The sun was out, the drinks were flowing, the dogs were barking. It was a nice little bunch of hashers from here and yon all bound together by the siblinghood (PC) of the HASH (AA) and the glue (BEER) that binds us (mmm BONDAGE) together.

Now without further bullshit (or dogshit)... away we go. The dogs were on right away. Up the hill... down the hill... up the hill... down the hill... My dogs were barkin' - then off into the woods where thin trail and ankle biting roots like forest Chihuahuas nipping and snapping. False trail here... false trail there... only the bloodhounds found the true trail.

ON ON went the calls it was so exciting, I peed just a little, like a new puppy. Anyway, I have to give a big "Leg up to the hydrant" for the false on the other side of the creek. We all know dogs like to roll in something stinky, but WEEEEEDOGGIE!!! That was FOUL. Dog tired and tail between my legs (nothing like a tail between your legs- editor’s note- he must be speaking from personal experience) dragged my sorry dogs into the ON IN only to find that two real dogs had to be rescued!!! Bad owners!!! NO! On the paper! But everything worked out just fine. We then circled up like dogs often do and howled for a while.

Well, there you have it. There were hills. There were streets. There were roots and trees. Wow. That was deep eh? Dog gone it.

Some interesting names were offered up, but JustSam’s suggestion of BadBush stuck. Of course, JustSam thought JustKathy was Vominatrix and was referencing some remark Vominatrix made. But heck. Isn’t that what hashing is all about? Never getting it right and being named for someone else’s faux pas??? Its so beautiful I’m getting teary eyed..snifff..sniff…

We also named some wanker from Houston?San Antonio? Dallas? At least I think he was from Texas. Maybe. Can’t remember what we named him, but I’m certain it was in poor taste .

Madman/Rochester H3

Cum By Ya/Sin City H3

Clueless/Atlanta H3

Black Butt/Rochester H3

B.O.B./Chicago H3

Carpet Bagger/Chicago H3

Just Linda/Chicago H3

Blow Job/Chicago H3

Bumper Bullets/Black Sheep H3

Bagless/Atlanta H3

Box Packer/Tampa Bay H3

NFHN/Dallas H3

Rose Eh/Hogtown H3

Sex Toy/Hogtown H3

Oral Transgression/ Carolina Trash H3

Flouncer/LA H3

More Leggs/Dayton H3

A number of folks finally "On In-ed" when we were half way through the circle (good job with the trail hares!) And the neighbors peering over the fence at us were amused if not alarmed by our tasteful singing and beer drinking antics (although it seemed that our primary viewing audience was the neighborhood kids counting the number of times we said the word "penis" and giggling hysterically over it).

And finally, the dog Bear, sufficiently recovered from the doggie death march, tried to consumer a child on roller blades….

Bill "BigBirdTurd" Wagner

Pete "WhereDaFukHawe" Marceau

Mike "DrinksOnMeBud" Kearney

Eric "RoadKill" Klun

Amy "Vominatrix" Bloom

Judy "CervixWithaSmile" Cunningham

Pete "Number2" Wilkinson

Bret "Steamer’sBitch" Schlueter

Chris "PullsitOut" Kay

Andy "GreatBallsofFire" Smythe

Scott "LeaveItInBeaver" Curit

Kirstin "ButtPlug" Walcott

Jackie "FussyBitch" Appleby

Maria "BiteMeElmo" Bertacchi

Ginger "DangeRouslyClose2OhFeelYaButts" Higgins

Bill "MellowForeSkinCheese" Wagner

Suzanne "HasherHumper" Stephenson

Mary "EatsItRaw" Bussler