Hares: Diaper (USA), SemenSampler (USA), SpankMe (USAF),
Don'tLetYourMeatLoaf (USA), SemenOnThePew (USN), CrouchingDragQueenHiddenBoner (USMC)

We came, we drank, we ran, drank some more, ran, and then drank some more, and then we came to the end, the way a hash is supposed to end. Ok, I'm working without notes here which are lost somewhere in my laundry or stuck to some clothing (you don't want to know). But you see, anyone who did the trail this time last year showed up with a lot of doubt about the military hares' ability to lay an A to Z trail without the entire lot of us getting lost like the Japanese soldier they found on Guam 40 years after the war ended.

Instead of last year's fiasco, it all went off like a well coordinated military drill as we mustered the troops, did roll call, and fell out in formation across the field hashing battle. Number Two wore an old lady coat that he swore was authentic Army gear. We headed off toward Fort Meyer, where I saw Just Carol loping along. Little did she know that she would soon be tapped for an important assignment as beer bitch. Once again, veteran raconteur No. 2 told me how he single-handedly brought Saddam Hussein to his knees (presumably for sodomy). Bad Ditch followed in close formation with Turkey Timer who said that if you couldn't be a veteran, you should at least do a veteran to make up for it. Hawaiian Puke's ears perked up right away.

It seemed like it wasn't too long before we passed Arlington Cemetery and passed over Memorial Bridge only to become completely confused. I saw some veteran Mount Vernon hashers grumping about the shitty White House trail, and as most of the pack circled itself for awhile around the Lincoln Memorial, I had to agree. Well, before too long we found the shooter check, where the hares had prepared jello shooters with little plastic soldiers stuck in them. Spank Me displayed remarkable skill demonstrating how to "suck a soldier" according to the book.

Then we circled around the Kennedy Center and crossed many lanes of traffic. The pack then navigated by the Vietnam Memorial and on to the Korean. Vet Wheredafuckawe told me about the haunting experience of viewing the Korean War statues in the misty dawn. They almost seemed to come alive like ghost in the fog as he described it.

Short Bus Bitch committed the most egregious violation of announcing the beer check when there was no beer in sight. Bad Ditch misrepresented herself as a man in order to skip the waiting in the women's room line, appalling the Japanese tourists.

We ran along Independence Ave where the pack blew past the DC War Memorial and when we got to the Tidal Basin, it was finally beer check time. All of a sudden, a cop pulled up and several rookies flinched and tossed their beers. But the police cruiser contained a hasher who pulled Semen Sampler aside to reassure her their deal was still on. I think the quid pro quo involved a Semen Sampler-Meatloaf Sandwich.

Just Carol designated beer bitch and we proceeded drink up and head towards downtown. At Freedom Plaza, the pack veered toward the MCI center and our final destination in an alley behind GAO. I was expecting an investigation, but none was forthcoming. In fact, the bells of an Italian Church provided cover for the festivities. Just Carol turned out to be the worst beer bitch ever, constantly talking to Evil Jesus instead of pouring beer. Evil J in turn couldn't seem to remember a song as substitute beer meister. PIO got drunk on one beer again.

Additional Violations - At the jello shooter check, Doesn't Miss A Drop announced that she wanted to suck a soldier between the legs. Spin Cycle said she could suck all the goo out in one crack. Goofy was cited for wearing racing gear -- not just shirt and pants, but also a marathon jock strap. I don't even want to think about that, much less see it. Takes a Lickin, Keeps on Prickin also had racing gear on. GBOF shortcut the beer check so he could get in some extra running. BiteMeElmo continued her habitual violation of running for President of the NOVA running club. No one else wanted to do it so she was elected. PutYerHeadTweenMyLegs had a birthday and grew two millimeters of hair on his shiny pate to celebrate.

There were some really cute virgins but Fag didn't send the stats. He was hoarding the info for himself. But using all my secret super powers, I was able to recover the data.

Just...

Amy (just Danny) Help Me Raise My Flag

Marcie (Celtic Climax) You can climb in my foxhole

Laurie (Celtic Climax) Show us your Pigskin

Lynn (Sticky Pages) I want to crash thru your bush

Donald (Just Jerry) We'll put you thru basic training

Todd (Sticky Pages) Do you want to be my POW?

Spin Cycle - Buffalo

Just David - EWH3

Hashit - $50Bitch was fingered in absentia, for doing an IronBitch Triathlon in Florida for 13 hours straight. FAG was relieved of the trophy for keeping sweet adorable Just Lauren penned up in his basement, and then booting her out onto the street when he used her up. I offered to adopt her and provide her with a warm bed, but she is not sure she wants a new daddy that bad.

End Note:

We ended this hash with a slow, somber rendition of Swing Low as we were all terribly saddened by the recent loss of AddaDicktoMe. We raised our glasses to her memory and there were tears among many of us. Really and truly, she was one of the kindest, sweetest persons this world has known. May she rest in God's grace ever after.

ON on, MiteyTite