White House Hash House Harriers

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Y2K mismanagement!!!

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White House Hash House Harriers MisManagement

(Those Responsible for all the Debachery!)

This is the perfect way to show your hash support. People are needed to step forward for Y2K Mis-management. If you are interested in being a member of Year 2000 Mismanage ment see a member of this year's Mis- management. Position De- scriptions are listed BELOW.

The new mis-

management will take over at the annual White House Holiday Party January 22, 2000.

1999 MISMANAGEMENT

In addition to all the fun stuff, there is a lot of hard work and effort that goes into running the hash. These folks put a lot of their personal time into this "volunteer" work and make a concerted effort to be there each week.

· Joint Masters: (General running of the hash - the BIG CHEESES, assist RA with leading the circle, our Public Relations dogs. They are the ones to blame for anything connected with the hash - if it goes wrong it's their fault! Attendance each week is very important.) Bill “Big Bird Turd” Wagner and Pete “Where Da Fuk Hawe” Marceau

· SongMeisters (Attendance each week is mandatory. Lead us in song - whether or not they can actually carry a tune - continually cumming up with new and exciting lyrics, or just faking it!) Mike “Drinks On Me Bud” Kearney

· HashHops (Brew Crew - Responsible for: stocking the BEER, water, soda AND cups - these are real important; driving the van to/from the hash and beer checks; maintaining order at and supply of beer at beer checks and before & after circle; and lastly, care, cleaning and maintenance of the beer van. One member of brew cew is assigned to each week's hash and attendance by that person is mandatory - WE OWE THESE FOLKS A LOT! - TAKE THE TIME TO THANK THEM WHENEVER YOU HAVE A CHANCE!)

Tom “Drop Box” Carney

Eric “Road Kill” Klun

Amy “Vominatrix” Bloom

Judy “Cervix With a Smile” Cunningham

Pete “Number 2” Wilkinson

Bret “Steamer’s Bitch” Schlueter

· HashFlash (Takes photos at each hash - recording all the debauchery for future generations to study and ponder - and is responsible for having the film developed and compiling photoalbums for general hash viewing. Attendance each week is very important.) Chris “Pulls It Out” Kay

· Religious Advisor (The BIG Mouth - Runs the Circle with the help of the JMs - makes the necessary visitor & virgin introductions and decides on any namings each week. Weekly attendance is mandatory.) Andy “Great Balls of Fire” Smythe

· HashCashs (Does Check-in each week - TAKES OUR MONEY - maintains the attendance records spreadsheet and bank account. One Hash Cash should be in attendance at each hash.) Scott “Leave It In Beaver” Curit and Kirstin “Butt Plug” Walcott

· Hare Raiser/HashLash (Tracks down all those nasty hares, provides virgin hare instruction, maintains the electronic mailing list, issues the weekly emails) Jackie “Fussy Bitch” Appleby

· HashScribes (Responsible for the weekly Hash Trash - that means being there! - including writing all the lies and made-up junk contained therein. This also includes the reproduction and distribution of said Trash.) Maria “Bite Me Elmo” Bertacchi, Ginger “DangeRously Close” Higgins, and Bill “Mellow Foreskin Cheese” Wagner

· HasherDasher aka Hash Peddler (gee, where to begin… She is always there to peddle our wares, etc. She is responsible for the inventory ordering, stocking/storage, transporting, and selling of WH4 hash gear, attire and such. Researches new items and Cums up with the designs or solicits designers for each new item. She also maintains the finances for this aspect of the hash.) Suzanne “Hasher Humper” Stephenson

· HashHash (purchases and stocks all the snacks in the beer van - making sure we don't go hungry each week!) Mary “Eat It Raw” Bussler

* * * * * * * * *

ANNOUNCEMENTS

· White House Hash House Harriers Annual Christmas Party is January 22, 1999 at the Eagle’s Nest Club in Alexandria. Live band, dancing, food, beer, and stuff. 200 person limit. Register before December 7, 1999 for t he low, low price of $25. After that its $30 until January 1, 2000 and then $50. Make your checks out to:WH4 and hand them directly (or mail them) to LeaveItInBeaver or ButtPlug (or give it to any mismanager!)

· We will be collecting Toys for Tots for the holidays. Bring your contribution of a new toy (unwrapped) to the hash. FussyBitch and OilofNoLay will be collecting toys until December 19, 1999.

Your scribes apologize, but due to the holidays there is no write up for the run that took place on November 28, 1999. However, there is the “Hash in the “hood” write up submitted by guest scribe and all around swell individual DuckJob….Enjoy!

Whassup, whassup…WHASSUP!!! Yo, MC Duckjob’s in the house to lay down the real deal. You see, I heard about this hash goin’ down in the ‘hood, so I thought I’d go get me some hash and check out all the fly girls while I’m at it, but I knew I was in the wrong place when Butt Plug and Dangerously Close to Oh Feelya Butts, couldn’t make change for my C-note. They said they owed someone some serious bread for a deal that went down earlier, probably to buy the hash or somethin’. Well, at least those babies got back! So I was Jonesin’ and thought I might have to mug somebody, but a bitch with some cash ($50 bitch) was givin’ it away so I jumped all over that.

Then I was lookin’ for my homeys, but I was surrounded by a buncha freaks in running gear! Instead of fresh Bulls warmups and Air Jordans, Had A Madam had on goofy, mismatched running clothes and dirty old runnin’ shoes looked like they’ed been puked on. Then I saw a dude in baggies and a cap hung on backwards, and the tag was still on, so I figured he was hip. But I was wrong, it was just one of the hares, Hurley Gurley Mon.

So I’m hangin’ out and they start doin’ the hokey pokey and singin’ a song about some ‘ho. Yeah, now we’re talking. Watch it Jiggle was definitely getting’ jiggy with it, especially on the Heave ‘ho part.

Then they start runnin’. Over the river and through the ‘hood. Yeah, right, Chicken F*ing Pesto’s ‘hood, maybe. This was a run through the frickin’ country. It was pretty and all that, but I was expectin’ somethin’ a little more urban, you know, with random gunfire, junkies, derelicts and such. Wait, there’s a derelict over there, Monkey Piss, lookin’ like a homeless pimp with a crazy doublebreasted jacket from the Salvation Army and a toilet seat ‘round his neck. His usual ‘hos were with him as well, Jiffy Lube and Blazing Straddles.

We ran through the woods, across the fields and along the river. There was a big ass pasture with horses and shit (literally.) Unfortunately there were no sheep, so Pulls it Out didn’t get any action. Poodle F*cked brought his own date, Dan the dog, so he wasn’t too upset. Transparent D’s was later heard excitedly exclaiming she had gotten to pet a cow, and no, it wasn’t Steers and Queers.

About that time, Bite Me Elmo asked Stool Sample where he had disposed of The Body, as she was nowhere to be found. Apparently, PG County wasn’t safe enough for The Body, and she was scared to cum, but she had no problem sending Stool Sample to run through the ‘hood. Must have a big life insurance policy on that dude. Stray bullet’ll take care of that.

Right before the beer stop, we happened upon some fellas playing some ball. Now we’re talkin’! I’m all about shootin’ hoop, but I needed a beer fix in a major way. Oil of No Lay, however, wanted to show us his moves, so he went over there and said, “Yo, I got game! Throw me the rock!” So the kids put down their basketball and started pelting him with stones.

There was Mad Dog 20/20 at the beer stop and I was feelin’ all right. We started running again. Finally we got to the hood! Yeah, home sweet home! I went up to a black dude, Beer Slut, that I figured was from these parts and said, “what’s shakin’, bro?” He looked at me nervously and said, “this part of town isn’t too good is it?” Word!

The locals didn’t know what was goin’ on, with all these suburbanites runnin’ through town. One of them mentioned something about poppin’ a cap up someone’s ass, and FAG got really excited, until we explained to him they were talkin’ about a bullet. We ran past Michael’s 7 day disco, and John Handcock had a Saturday Night Fever flashback and was flailing arms and legs for a second, but he didn’t have his white zoot suit with him, so we ran on. (I saw him write down the address, though.) Then we crossed this huge freakin’ 6 lane highway and all these crazy mofo’s were playing hit the hashers for points. The hares, Blowin in the Wind and Hurly Gurly Mon were seen hiding behind a tree laughing at the commotion they caused, but they shut up when Fussy Bitch threatened to cancel HGM’s January hash.

Finally we got back to the park and ride where my own sweet ride was parked. I hopped in my low rider, cranked up the hydraulics and sped off never to hash with these wankers again. Jam on-on!

The Circle:

Hares: Blowin In The Wind - - - they did two down-downs because of the very shirtty trail! Hurly Gurly Mon

Virgins:

· Gary Harrington - WhereDaFukHawe - Hello Who Da Fuk Cares - Show Us How you choke your chicken.

· Murat Erol - Just Jen - Hello Cinderfella - Show us what you do with your donkey

· Bob May - ? - Hello Forot-BeerStop - Show Me How You Treat Me Like Your Sheep.

· Greg Varhola - Just Jeff - Hello Dog Chow - Show us how you screw your little piggy.

· Don Sisler - Virgin w/Mary - Hello Rode His Way All The Way To Bethlehem - Show us your Cock-a-Doodle-Do.

· Doug Hewitt - ? - Hello Sea Warrior - Show Me How You Park

Visitors:

· Two Timing Hymen - Beijing

· Lunar Digit - Vienna Austria

· Battered Woman - Oregon

Long Time No Seers:

· Just Chris Atkinson

· Fucking Pesto Chicken (could be ‘cause he lives in CA!)

· Spits It Out

· No Genitals

· Steamin Semen - to which we heard cries of "When One

· Seamen drinks…" and then all Navy went forward to which we further heard cries of "When one military man drinks…" and we now had a huge crowd gathered to drink

Anniversaries:

· #2 - 175

· Pulls Out Early – 50

· John Handcock – 69

Violations:

· Religious Advisor - GBOF brought in Hada Madam (previous religious advisor) to thank for such a beautiful day. Also to fuel the Army vs. Navy Game rivalry.

· Violaters: Holy Tit! for racing, placing and being a media slut. He ran a 50miler in 6hr, 49min and then got his face on the news once again! We gave him the "We're not worthy" and then sang "Here's to Holy Tit, He's True Blue"! Then there were shouts of "When one Tit Drinks…" and we sang "Ah Lay Zumma".

· Another Violater: BBT for attending the Opera! We sang "Get a Life, Get a Life".

Namings:

· Just Cindy - She likes horses. She made the mistake of saying that "I don't have a problem with nipples being chaffed." Nominations were: Catherine the Great, Saddlesore, Ridden Hard Put Away Wet, Likes Big Cock, Nippless Rider, Tit Envy. Unanimous Winner: Nippless Cage!

· Just Sam - Has an interesting piercing. Nominations: Chia Pet, Prince Albert, SEAL demo, Comes In A Can, Carpet Burn, Weighted Shaft, Bare Balls, O-69 BINGO. Suddenly WhereDaFukHawe provided: Whistle When He Wanks and there was no reason to further the voting!

· Special Presentation:

· Black Box rode with BBT to MVH3 the day before stopping at the Harley Shop. They spent an unbeliveable 3 hours in the shop and she bought him a shirt - like he needs another shirt! The shirt says: Leader of the Pack. We started to sing when there were shouts of "When one GM…all GMs" and then "When one Box… All boxes" and also "When one Sesame Street character… all…". We finally got to sing and I'm not even sure what we sang.

Hashit:

Nominations: Hares for having the trail in MD on a Redskin game day thus subjecting us all to extremely heavy traffic congestion. Monkey Piss for losing the real Hashit and drinking all the beer left in someone's car and riding in the front of a police car. Winner: Monkey Piss - who else?!

November 28, 1999 Hash:

As stated earlier there is no write up of this run. I can’t even tell you who the hares were, where the run started or nothin’. But if you’ve read this far, you may as well read about the circle because this we have, thanks to Dangerously Close2OfeelYaButts.

Hares: Bad Bush, Big Bird Turd, Vibrator

Virgins:

· Charla Tripplett - Teenie Weenie Peenie - Hello Beat Navy - Show us how you sink my sub

· John MacFarlane - Hello Wrongway Entry - Show us how you blow out your candles

· Sabina Blackburn - Just Jen - Hello Penicillan Pollock - Show us your nice ass

· Lee Liddell - Hello Melanoma Breath - Show us your birthday suit

· Melanie Wilson - Scorched Feet - Hello Light My Fire - Show us your dick warmers

Visitors:

· Fucking Toad - Alaska

· Toad Tits - Seattle

· Scorched Feet - MVH3

Long Time No Seer:

· Just Dan McKay

· Drinks On Me Bud

· Wet Spot

· Speedie Edie

· The Mayor

· Missed Erections

· Almond Joy

· Free Willie

· Mud Pie

· Take Me Drunk I'm Home

· Stroke Me Gently

*Presentation made by Hawaiian Puke to DOMB for finally showing up again at the hash. Gave him a bottle of hot sauce called, Smack My Ass & Call Me Sally. We sang Sally in the alley to him.

Anniversaries:

Slip Knot - 169

Mr. Softie - 25

Chicken Fucker – 25

Birthdays: We sang "Happy Birthday F You" and ate cake

· Bad Bush

· Vibrator

· Goddamn Flying Semen

· West Virginia Woody

· Goes Down Easy

· Pay Per View

Namings:

· Just Jen - Close friend of KY Belly. New boss who's name is Dick. Nominations included: Will Work for Dick, Works for Dick and several other lame names. We all definitely decided nothing better would be brought up and named her "Will Work for Dick".

· Just Irene - Works for immigration throwing illegal aliens out of the country. Has captained and raced a sailboat. Says she likes dogs and cookies. Goofy came forward to give his $.02 and Oreo, his dog, sniffed her crotch. Also, there was a story told about how she likes to throw cookies when she is drunk. Nominations: Sniff My Crotch, Tijuana Donkey, Barrio Ball Buster, Drop My Chaloopa, Captain A Grab, and Cream In The Middle. Winner because of the cookies: Cream In The Middle.

· Just Gary - Like Sheep. Favorite place to have sex is in front of the TV. Also exhibited his very interesting piercing several times. Evidently there is a place between his legs that is pierced. Showed it several times and Holy Tank was nominated. Other nominations: Double Asshole, Screw Ewe, Pain In My Ass, Why?, Hokie Pokie Man, and Hold My Ring. Winner: Holy Tank.

Violations:

Monkey Piss was brought forward because he'd lost the Hashit previously. Now he's been wearing a toilet seat around his neck! Just Ben came forward with a guitar case and pretended to sing us a song, only he had the Hashit in the case! Monkey Piss gets to carry it yet again.

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This week's Hash Trash compiled and formatted by

Bite Me Elmo with assistance from DangerouslyClose2OfeelYaButts and AduckJob. Volunteer for Hash Scribe now!! You too can write senseless drivel each week !!