White House Hash House Harriers
For Directions and Information call 202-PUD-JAM0/202-232-HASH
Check us out on line: www.dchashing.org/wh4
"In Beer We Trust"
Dec 2, 2001
Warning: This paper contains 30% recycled
jock straps. May cause itching, burning
sensations,
fits of rage and total stupidity. Alcohol intensifies this effect.
WH4
Hash #803 - The Terp and the Hare
Start:
Parking Lot behind 2700 Prosperity Rd., Merrifield, VA
Hares:
Raise My Titanic, CumScout, Hey Ho,
and Asstroturf
Good
afternoon, Harriers and Harriettes. Thank you for joining us on this fine
autumn day - It's going to be AWESOME, BAY-BEE. We have a great matchup, with the Hares taking on the Terps, with
perhaps a few Semen-oles and fudge-Packers mixed in, and that may make things a
bit confusing, but this one is for all the marbles, folks. There’s a lot of beer on the line, and only
the best ballers are on the field today, namely Screwed by a Minor, Shake
and Bake, and Free Refills. Those girls can really play ball, let me
tell ya. Some balls are gonna be BLUE when they get done with 'em!
We
are here in beautiful Merrifield, VA, just outside the beltway, and it is
chilly, with a swirling breeze out of the west that could affect the passing
game. To illustrate possible problems, Kenny G-spot has gloves on, so when he
goes down on the center, Twatsssuppp!, that
extra layer of clothing will affect G's
touch and T's sensitivity. That's going to impact the ultimate outcome
of this game today, folks. Look for G-spot
to go with the velcro gloves, to reduce the chance of separation.
The
officials, $50 Bitch and Put It Out, are at midfield, and they
are giving both teams some special instructions. The hares are attesting that they have laid a regulation trail,
with turtles as checks, carrots as hash marks and X's as bad trails. But what
is this? The hares coach, Raise My Titanic, is complaining
vehemently that the Terps are loaded with playa's like SuxItBlue, and after reviewing hash traditions, $50 Bitch agrees that you can't play a
playa, so SuxItBlue is ejaculated
from the hash and must report to the Shark Club! A damaging blow for the Terps!
Now
the circle is standing up for our Hash Anthem and they give the Rookies the
appropriate salute. Dumb Blonde, recently retired from
single life, leads the Terps in a
brisk round of warmups to the tune of Father Abraham. And now, harriers and harriettes, it's time to ball, err, play
ball!
The
Terps are off quickly, running out the parking lot and through the business park. They are running through the woods, and now
they are crossing a stream. Short Bus Bitch better watch out for
that thorn bush....OUCH! It got her. It
wrapped completely around her leg and she tried to break the tackle, but now
she's got a huge bleeding gash. It's
not pretty folks but I think she's going to be okay. She trots off the field unassisted, and she is going over to the
team medics to get an injection from The
Hymenator.
Now
the wankers are running across Lee Highway and into the woods behind several
office buildings. But wait! Put
It Out, Wax On Whacks Off and Dumb
Blonde are taking a short cut!
Instead of running into the woods they are sticking to Lee Highway and
parallelling the FRB's. This is a risky
move that could get them to the beer early, but it could also get them so far
off trail that they have no chance to recover.
The SCB's are still shadowing the FRB's, and YES!! They join back with the pack, saving vital
energy and keeping pace with the front runners. Now the trail is leading into a parking garage. Some Terps are running up every parking deck
level, but some have taken to the stairs.
Either way, both make it to the top, where it is halftime, and both
sides refuel with the liquid refreshment of choice - BEER.
We
resume play in the second half, and it's Mitey
Tite. Big Bang is really banged up from the first half, but having
replenished himself with light beer, he is ready for prime time. Leave
It In Beaver can sense the end of this event, and he knows that the ulimate
prize is awaiting him at the end. No
not Whore Moans, beer! He also knows that the end is the same as
the start since it is an A to A trail, as do the rest of the Terps. That said, the Terps are making their way
back to their vehicles and are on-in.
TERPS WIN, TERPS WIN, TERPS WIN!!!
The Circle:
$50 Bitch circled us up
and brought in the beer bitch, Mickey
Mouse Club (Jag Queen's sister)
for the honorary first down-down. Next
up were the hares for that shitty trail, and the circle proceeded as follows:
Virgins
(and who made ‘em cum):
Just Lisa
(Sextra Credit) "Wanna See My Turtle?"
Just Andrea
(Wax On Whacks Off) "Show us your triple D's!" (she's a Tri-Delta)
Just Dan (Just
Andrea) "Show
us your snapping turtle!"
Visitors:
Southern Cum
Fuck (Fort
Lauderdale HHH)
Flamin' Thop (Anchorage
Alaska HHH) (Fag wanted to know just
what the hell a Thop is, and Flamin Thop
answered that it's an asshole or a fag.
So when one fag drinks, all fags drink!)
Long
Time, No See’ers:
Believe
it or not, former GM's, RAS, Had A Madam
and Fussy Bitch were all at at
WH4 hash at the same time. That hasn't
happened this millenium. Also long lost
to the hash were Squiddly Diddly and
his family, and Oil of No Lay.
Violations:
· GBOF and Missing Rubber for bandying about prosthetic
penises.
·
The Pimp of
Sarajevo for
racing into the beer check (his competitor is currently unidentified)
·
RAS because he
heard WH4 was acknowledging Distinguished Old Guys (DOGs) at the 800th run, so
he came out for it... only he was 3 weeks too late!
·
Diaper, Hymen
Dickover, Big Bird Turd and Summers Eve for
having oral fixations and needing to suck on big, long stogies.
·
Short Bus
Bitch
for wearing a racing shirt, even though it was for a race she didn't get to run
·
Hidden Boner and 2 Lips in the Bush for being
cinderellas
Then we had a very solemn occasion...We
had a NAMING!
At the beer stop, Put It Out had given Just
Jim the "I NEED A NAME" hat, so we had been racking our brains
the entire second half of the hash to think up something appropriately crude
for him. From the traditional kneeling
position, Just Jim informed us that
he is a slimy defense contractor for the Navy.
We recalled that he wore a gold teddy to the Lingerie Run, thong up his
crack and all, and that on the Beer Bitch hash, he ran most of it with a pumkin
with an axe in it. Suggestions for Just
Jim's were Gold Finger, Undercover Seman, Pumpin Semen, Reemin Semen, Reem Job,
Shit Eating Grin, and Pumkin Poker.
(Also, someone told me that they had suggested Jizz Bucket, but I never
heard that one.) Spinal Tap, in a moment of pure inspiration, said how about
Jack-off Lantern, which we thought was perfect. So henceforth and forevermore
in WH4 and throughout the world of hashing, Just Jim shall be known as Jack-off Lantern.
Then we had another very solemn
occasion...We had another NAMING!
We were on a roll, so we brought Just Leda into the circle and asked her
nicely to get on her knees. Just Leda is a technical writer and
likes to kiss guys. She likes to kiss
guys so much that at the Halloween party she kissed everyone she could identify
as a male, including Ugly Naked Guy. Nominations were Beer Goggles, Hot Lips,
Suction Slut, Kissing Booth (my favorite), and Aural Probe (another good
one). There were a couple of acronym
names, Current User of Network Technology (CUNT) and Did Ugly Naked Guy
(DUNG). Then, working the suction
theme, someone suggested Hoover, and Electro-fux quickly followed. It was a run-off, but in the end, Just Leda
was named Hoover!
Next, Fussy Bitch and Oil of No Lay were recognized for getting engaged -
Congratulations, fellow scribes!!!
Hash-it
Last week, Sloppy Ho was awarded the hashit for leaving the circle early to go
home and watch Malcomb in the Middle.
While the hashit was in her possession, she gave it away on trail, lost
it in the parking lot, and banged it into a tree, chipping off part of the
attached terd. So Slo’ Ho nominated Assfinder for stealing it from
her. 2 Lips in the Bush was nominated for being shoeless. Hidden
Boner was nominated for showering with the beer bitch apron. And Summer's
Eve was nominated for going to a bachelor's party in Amsterdam, but
forgetting the groom. We voted and Sloppy
Ho was awarded the hashit for a 2nd term, since she was so disrespectful to
the hashit this week. However, we learned that Sloppy won't be around for the rest of the year, so we were about
to re-vote when Indiana Bones and the
Temple of Poon suggested we should give it to the other Sloppy Gurl, Twatsssuuupp!, since she was a co-conspirator
last week. We thought that was a great
idea, and since Twatsssuupp wasn't
there, we gave it to Indy to deliver
to her.
We ended the hash on a solemn note (no
not another naming). Slip Knot eulogized the passing away of
George Harrison and we did a toast to the former Beatle who influenced us
all.
On-On! Ducky