It must have been -15F with the wind chill in College Park last Sunday afternoon. It was about 40F and sunny in Virginia, what was the deal with Maryland? As we pulled into the parking lot, Grand Mattress Perk-A-Set, my navigator, observed that she didn't recognize many of the hearty souls who had gathered for the occasion. I contended that was because the faces of most of them were buried under layers of gators and scarves. And then there were wackos like Albatross, Jag Queen, and Microsoft in shorts and red legs. I made Just Alain put on a hat and jacket because I was getting cold just looking at him.

It was so cold, Big Bang tried to tinkle at the edge of the Metro parking lot and froze to the ground. It took the services of three harriettes to rescue him. Hasher Humper did a brisk business in gloves; she could have sold enough WH4 thermal underwear to finance Shitty Shitty Bang Bang for another year. Speaking of SSBB, Brew Crew #2 was the hero of the afternoon mixing hot toddies in a water cooler. Customers lined up to hear the glug-glug-glug as another liter of bourbon flowed into the vat of steaming liquid, and dispense the thermal reaction into cups for rapid consumption.

Raise My Titanic and $50 Bitch adeptly handled money and change despite wearing mittens, demonstrating why they are in mis-management. Despite the numbing absence of Grand Master Big Bird Turd, RA WhereDaFuKhawe schooled the virgins and visitors on WH4 marks. And despite the earlier hot toddy my joints had already frozen stiff - Hawaiian Puke had to help me with the left-right part of Father Abe.

The first check sent the pack in several directions. As I drove past them in my heated car, I could see hashers for a radius of at least 100 yards around the check. My new navigator, Spinal Tap, would have rolled down the window to give a supportive On On but we didn't want to let the heat escape. All good things must come to an end - I parked at the A' location, and exited the climate of a '97 Mazda to join the hunt for beer.

Big Lucy finally appeared, towing Big Bird Turd behind her on his leash. Have you noticed the svelte BL lately? After a year of taking it easy on the beer and Oreos, BL is 2/3 of last winter's weight and has regained her girlish figure. Her vet was so excited, he made her the poster dog for canine Weight Watchers and gave her a 10% discount.

Speaking of dogs, what is Titanic feeding Buddy? Little Buddy took a dump on trail and made even the walkers run. The HAZMAT team was called in to clean up. Flights at BWI had to be diverted. Children, the elderly, and the chronically ill were advised to stay indoors. Phew!

So we all joined up with the walkers. Pretty soon Dumb and Dumber sped past us, with Put Your Head 'Tween My Legs hot on his heels. Oh yeah, being an FRB is fun until you come across a Back Check 12. A block behind us the pack was running into the woods.

Without my iridescent WH4 hat to follow, Gonad The Librarian would probably still be wandering in College Park. Up a hill, down a hill into a neighborhood the likes of which we did not see on the Marine Corpse Birthday death march. SSBB was parked at the end of a cul-de-sac at the bottom of a hill awaiting the pack. Penguins were skating on a nearby pond. In short order Yes Dear and his faithful red dog Juno (Nassau?) ran around the pond and claimed the first beer. Target Practice and My Cock Shoots Blanks added their red dog Luke to the red dog tree. We chilled until the neighborhood Eskimos became curious and/or Big Dick No Brain arrived.

I finished the trail with Jag Queen - always a safe bet to hash with one of the hares. Highest compliments to the hares for the feast of homemade cookies, Oreos, Fudgie Bars, cheese balls, and, for the health conscious, dried fruit. And the beer was so cold, I needed two drinking gloves on each hand to hold the mug, which made it sort of hard to hold the scribing quill.

Oddly enough, the temperature seemed higher after the sun set, probably because the wind had died down. Or was it because of all the hot toddies? Anyway, the powers that be pulled the circle together for business. Tip Her Whip Her ended the phone conversation she had been carrying on behind SSBB. Perk-A-Set put her clothes back on, preventing Pulls It Out from going blind. Microsoft and Jag Queen - but not Albatross - finally put pants on.

First to drink were the hares - FLAB, Jag Queen, Just Leslie, and Bad Bush

Next up was the all-female virgin lineup:

Virgin Who made them Cum

Just Kathryn Website (that would be Hard Drive)

Just Donna Just Brian

Just Katja Just Eric

Just Fred Leaky Tampon

We only had one visitor - SexLax, Pay Per View's friend - but he was from the Copenhagen H3 and accustomed to these temperatures.

Anniversaries: Mug Club inductee Microsoft with 25, and me, Latecummer, with 99. Since I will be receiving my WH4 100 mug next week and will perform the requisite down-down from it, I hereby request warmer beer for the occasion.

Violators: Seaman on the Pew - being a Navy puke and outnumbered by the Army; Leaky Tampon - alcohol abuse; Holey Tit - nominating Goofy for a violation in Goofy's absence; and Slip Knot - being a Latecummer-wannabe.

Good ol' Slip Knot showed up just in time for the violations on what would be his 200th WH4 hash. This barely qualified him for his 200 anniversary mug, which he christened.

Not being a hash to allow a hare to go unnamed, we named Just Leslie. There were several clever nominations, and a lot of weak ones that will not be repeated, because JL works in organ transplantation. There was even a request from Spinal Tap to have BDNB's johnson transplanted onto him, as Hasher Humper made no comment. And so, nominations were 2 Lips on My Organ (wishful thinking), Organ Compliance Unit, and International House of Organs (IHOR). But, by popular vote, she will be known as Addadicktomy. (get it? Add A Dick To Me?)

Mitey Tite was not present, so he was renamed to Mitey Tite and awarded the hashit in absentia.

After briefly swinging low we adjourned to the Aerosquadron for the most incredible Irish Coffees in the free world.

On On!

Don't forget the White House Christmas party on Saturday, January 27. For more information, visit http://www.dchashing.org/whitehouse/wh4holidayparty.html