WH4 Run #805:
Location: Sprint parking lot, Reston, VA

Hares: Steers & Queers, Summers Eve, and And How’s Her Bush

And just what do you think you’re doing, slyly clicking on the 121601 link? Do you think you can just skip out on a hash and tune in to the website later to read about it? Well you’re shit outta luck, buster, cause I ain’t gonna tell you squat about this hash. You should have been there you big pussy! What goes on at the hash stays at the hash, and boy, oh, boy did you miss out, ‘cause this hash kicked ass! If you’d have been there, you’d know all the juicy gossip exchanged by all the cool hashers in attendance, but you weren’t, so nanny nanny boo boo! Stick yer head in doo doo! Heh heh heh, I could go on teasing you forever, but I won’t. Here’s the scoop on this Sunday’s hash.

75 wankers gathered in Reston at the usual hash time and waited and waited and waited for the third and final hare, Steers and Queers, to show up so we could get the friggin’ hash started. Where was his Texas ass? To this day, nobody knows what took him so long, but there’s a good chance there was some homo lovin’ goin’ on ‘cause I don’t see no horns on that boy’s head. S&Q finally pulled in at about 3:30 with quite the glow about him, so we circled up and introduce the Virgins and Visitors and then did a quick warm up to the tune of Big Daddy Abraham. Then the hares gave us the scoop on this week’s trail markings, which were an arbitrary collection of chalk marks and (gasp!) flour. Not that any of us saw any marks or flour on the trail, but that’s how they claimed they marked it.

Then we were ON-ON. We immediately came to a check with a trail going through a tunnel right beside the Dulles Toll Road. Dumb & Dumber, Leave It In Beaver, Hey Ho, Shock a Cock and other wankers unquestioningly followed trail straight down into the tunnel, but WoWo and I took the high road above the tunnel, since it didn’t particularly appear to lead anywhere. Well, it did lead somewhere – WoWo and I came to a picturesque duck pond (Nirvana!!) and saw a huge metal grate where the Dumb & Dumber and the others emerged from the tunnel. We looked down at the half-wits trapped in the tunnel with interest. Lucky for them, there was a ladder with a swinging trap door in the grate for them to climb up and out, muddy and wet.

We found true trail on the other side of the pond, where a flock ducks were pecking around. I was just making my way over to have a word with my brethren and scam on some foul femmes, when that mean, vicious attack dog, Maizee, had to go and chase them off. WoWo explained that hundreds of years of breeding left her with no choice in the matter.

The trail took us through some woods and across a creek that Big Dick No Brains clumsily jumped over, nearly planting his face on the muddy bank. Then we entered some residential neighborhoods and hashed across Baron Cameron, past a tunnel the hares actually missed, and finally to the beer stop. Fuck’em Dano and Missed Erections must have found some excellent short cuts because they were on their second beers when we got there.

The second half of the trail was long. It started getting dark about the time TWIG and I hashed through the shopping center parking lot, down the escalator, and out the back of the mall. Then the trail led over an embankment, and along the Toll Road. I could see the sprint building and several hashers whose names escape me (except $50 Bitch – she was one of ‘em) made our way over there, but it was the wrong fucking Sprint building. Fuckiddy Fuck Fuck Fuck! Who’d of thunk there are two Sprint buildings in Reston?!

I searched around for the trail around the back and ended up near an access road, but no sign of trail so I made my way back to the last hash. There I ran into Back Snatch and Hare Pie, both also looking for the trail. We backtracked and eventually came upon a hare, Summer’s Eve, sweeping, who steered us in the right direction. Sure enough, we hashed right down that goddamn access road I was on 10 minutes ago, where Eve pointed out some faint hash marks I was supposed to find in the dark. Well, in their defense, the hares did recommend bringing a flashlight.

We followed the rest of the trail and we were on in, this time in the correct Sprint parking lot.

“CIRCLE UP, YOU WANKERS!”

Just Laurie was appointed the Bitch of Beer and she poured with an even, steady hand.

VIRGINS:

Just Connie (Diaper) “We’ve got the Pole, you bring the flag!”

Just Chris (Just Chuck) “Show us your dick!”

Just Erika (Spank me) “Show us your swoosh!”

Just Michelle (Dumb & Dumber) “We’ll take any head we can get!”

VISITORS:

Lawn Jockey from Mobile H3

Love Bug 69 from B/AH3

Cum on Down from B/AH3

LONG TIME, NO SEE’ERS

Bundling Board, Whip Her Strip Her, Just Chuck, Shock A Cock, Steers & Queers (and when one hare drinks…) and Closet Slut

ANAL-VERSERIES:

Celtic Climax (75), Whore Moans (50), and Knee Me in the Balls and Sing Me a Cunt-ry Song (25-Mug Club)

VIOLATIONS:

· Evil Jesus for contriving an elaborate contraption that hung mistletoe over his head. (He seemed to enjoy the many kisses he got from guys, but when Raise My Titanic tried to kiss him, he flinched and tried to avoid it.)

· Big Dick No Brains for wearing an Usama Bin Laden costume

· Clorox Kid for concealing the Beer Stop

· Maizee for chasing waterfowl

· Racing: Slipknot, Vominatrix, Hey Ho, Goomba and AndHow’s Her Bush

· Lawn Jockey for an environmental

· Mr. Softy for blowing Assfinder’s mind

· Spinal Tap for telling a 30 minute joke and then forgetting the punchline

It was OneTitOnly’s birthday, so we serenaded her with a rousing rendition of “Happy Birthday Fuck you!”

HASH-IT

The Sloppy Girlz still have it, and once again neither showed up to the hash so we couldn’t award it!

On-On! Ducky