WH4 #806

Sunday, December 23, 2001

Start: White House Ellipse

Hares: SantaMadam and Elves (Nekid, Joocy, Tatta, Vibra, and Grind aka Pay-per-View, Beastie Bush,

Watergate, Blazing Straddles, and Raise my Titanic)

Brew Crew: Virgin without Merry and Were Da Fuck Are We

Oh to be home for the holidays. Fifty-six deviants came back this week and circled in up at the ellipse, in front of their ancestral home, and once again there was no warm welcome as the family dissension continued between the White House (H3) and the White House (GWB.) At least we can say to the White House (GWB) - what a shitty tree! It's rumored to have come off the bargain rack at Super K last July. Who ever heard of a blue Christmas tree?

There was a noticeable lack of mismanagement presences, which was very suspicious. Did they know something we didn't? Could they possibly have people, somewhere, that love them? Yeah I know, seems unlikely. They were probably just face down sleeping of their last 40. But any way, just as the tulips bloom in spring, the arrival of winter was announced by For Sale or Rent dressed in a full length down coat, down vest, hat, gloves and sixty-foot long scarf. With an oxygen bottle, she was ready for Everest.

To help us through the cold and drown our sorrows, WhereDaFaKhawe had SSBB discretely parked on 15^th St between two flag vendors, serving a hot fluid with a faint smell of gasoline. Just like the orangutans at the National Zoo, our brew crew has shown the ability to learn. WDFK kept a fence, to tall to jump and too wobbly to scale, between the pack and SSBB. Fascinating! But, as usual, WDFK was watching our backs and provided the hash equivalent of table service.

Things were not looking up as Raise My Titanic call the circle to disorder. The temperature was dropping, clouds were darkening- and Titanic refused the pack a treat for promptness claiming, 'too many layers.' Come on Titanic, it's Christmas for Christ's sake. If this wasn't enough to make a deviant cry, the hares came out to announce that there was no trail and NO BEER CHECK. It was explained that we were to run around scratching our balls- sorry, that would be looking for balls. A poem was read reciting the hares ill will to several select middle-eastern brethren, and then it was announced that the first place we would go to scratch our balls was the Lincoln Memorial. The pack was off.

Pity the poor tourists. They bring their children to the Lincoln Memorial to explain [northern version] how Abraham Lincoln had the vision to keep the United States together/ [southern version] how Abraham Lincoln was an imperialist with no respect for the Constitution. And here, they are meet a pack of eves with beer on their breath, scratching their balls. The pack scattered and scratched. After a while, with a strong second effort, Just Mike reached down and found his balls. He was so proud- he said, 'look, I found two balls.'

Once again, we were treated to a piece of hare poetry. Unfortunately, this time it included the word 'he*d.' Just as my dog cannot resist eating squirrel road kill, the pack broke into song. The mothers and children standing around loved it, and joined in for the final verse. Finally, we were instructed to go to the Smithsonian Castle for more scratching. The pack was off.

We came to the Castle, we scratched, we came again. This time, the scratching instructions were more discrete, however, it invited the pack to scratch inside the museum. Don't believe anyone was drunk enough to bite on that one, as the run from the Lincoln was somewhat sobering. One thing lead to another, and Missing Link, our visitor from the Amsterdam hash (two words often seen together) found his ball- just one this time. We were again treated to a hare verse about B-52's and airmail, and were instructed to backtrack to the Washington Monument. The pack was off.

Once arriving at the National Phallus, the pack was given some ambiguous scratching instructions by Pay Per View. The pack proceeded to run around the obelisk like a bunch of hamsters on wheel. Initially, PPV found this entertaining. She eventually tired of it and gave more helpful instructions. Then it happened. More miraculous than reindeer flying, Dumb and Dumber found his ball. This and that, and we were instructed to he*d for the Warner Theater. The pack was off.

The trip over to the Warner was delayed, as more interesting events ensued. A hasher who will remain nameless (#2) was furious with the principal hare. The litany was; stupid back-tracking trail, no trail, no bag car for an A to B trail (later provided,) no beer check, he's ugly, hare not on trail- in bar drinking, no planning, same stupid sh*t every Christmas. Oaths were sworn and declaration was made that 'it's a new century.'

From the Warner, it was back to the White House. Here the pack found Watergate chatting up the beat cop John. It's rumored that Watergate got a phone number from John the cop, but refused to share it with the other harriettes and Fag. Eventually, Watergate pried her starry eyes off the cop and gave the helpful instruction, 'it's around here.' The pack scattered and Watergate went for donuts. It appears that a harriette found her balls- but no, Vominatrix wasn't there.

The non trail stumbled to an end at Franklin Square. At the circle, those who found their balls were given a special treat, except for Dumb and Dumber. Turns out D&D had his balls broken on trial. It's believed that Celtic Climax had a part in this tragedy by the smile on her face and a look of superiority.

Minor violations were brought to the floor, with only one rising above the level of misdemeanor. Raise My Titanic was clearly guilty of over-achievement, in that she filled every mismanagement position at the hash. Cum Scout noted, 'that clearly Titanic wanted to f*uck everyone in the hash in every position.' Titanic did leave the circle with a look of tired satisfaction, smoking a cigarette.

Unfortunately, White House had to say good-bye to Do Me on the Beach and Circle Jerk. For some inexplicable reason, they are moving to scenic Buffalo. We wish them well, and a quick, painless end.

Annoucements

Carnaval Hash in Amsterdam February 8-10.

Dutch Nash Hash in Amsterdam June 5-7

Hash Holiday Party February 2- register early or Titanic will take every nickel you have.

Virgins

Just John R (Free Refill's brother)

Just Scott Williams (Missing Link from Amsterdam)

Just Carmen Sanchez (Micro Prick)

Long Time, No Seers

Wheels

Yanky Crank

Monkey Piss

Blazing Straddles

Visitors

Target- Liberty Bell Hash (Phili)

Shipshape- B&A

Dr. Groper

Speedy Edie- San Francisco

Happy Feets- Orlando, he's the visitor that won't go home

Piss Boy