IN BEER WE TRUST
WHITE HOUSE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

Location: Clarendon Metro

The day started hot and muggy, perfect hashing weather. The group began to assemble across from the Clarendon Metro Station in the park. At first there were only a few, but slowly, on White House time, more wankers showed up to prove they truly had no life on a holiday weekend.

Great Balls Of Fire remarked that the "smart" hashers parked near the on-on-on. I think this was his way of telling the virgins he was smart. Cross Dresser, who had pcsed to San Diego showed up with Just Lisa, who BTW has been hashing with us for about a year and has yet to be named.

Hasher Humper sported new tank tops "in time for winter", at a make shift bazaar. She also remarked that this was a new batch as the orignal was lost in UPS hell. I wondered how long the UPS strike would be blamed for hashers not being able to dress in proper attire. This prompted many oohs and ahhs from the crowd and much fingering of the merchandise.

As I was milling through the crowd, I over heard Bundling Board chatting up virgin Just Anna. Seems he was regaling her with his knowledge of hash lore and peculiarities of each. Then it was discovered that Just Anna was here visiting and was actually ISO "someone named Dave whose last name starts with O." Hmmm, a blind date and she doesn't even have his full name or hash name? More on this later.

In true WH4 fashion, the start was late so I had more time to mill. I came across Spits it Out who was dressed in a tie dyed t-shirt and matching head band. Surely this is a fashion statement if I ever saw one! Seems that yesterday, SIO was doing laundry and his once aqua shirt became tie dyed via bleach. He quickly made some story up about wanting to redesign the shirt by removing the pocket.

Wilburr brought his life size replica of Drinks On Me Bud and a female companion that DOMB had picked up while on his round the world quest. As some of us saw DOMB at the MVH3 hash on Saturday, it was decided that Wilburr just really missed his friends company. But then we wondered how good of friends were they?

Finally the circle was called to chaos and Crossdresser led us in Father Abraham. During this rousing rendition, many a male hasher was noted holding their groins after trying to match Crossdressers high kicks. Maybe he was really a Rockette in a previous life. Anyway, Well Drilled and Bumper Dumper were called out as hares to explain the trail. They noted there was a long and short trail and beer WOULD be at a check even if the beer van was not at the start. These words would come back to haunt Well Drilled.

The pack was off and proceeded to stop traffic crossing Wilson Blvd. Down past the Famous Bartentders School, who was taking applications, and into the neighborhoods. The pack was close together as all the checks and BTs were well placed. Chapaquickdick and his sister Beltway Barb joined us in progress.

Finally the pack found its way to a park, where a water fountain was spied, along with Glad-He-Ate-Her coming from behind the bushes. It was determined that an environmental infraction had taken place, but no one could figure out why with the lack of beer at the start.

About this time the pack started thinning out. And the FRB's neglected to mark trail as they went. At this point the walkers comprised about 10 people and we took the short trail. Joining us was long time no seer Beetle Juice. Actually, we heard more than saw BJ. Seems he had suffered a blowout on his shoe and was making lots of noise. We briefly considered renaming him Flip-Flop but were just too darned hot to pursue this avenue of thinking.

Anyway, the pack must have been lost because the walkers reached were the trails rejoined without an FRB in sight. Down the hill we went to a few BT's. About this time the FRB's showed up. After taking all BT's true trail was found. GBOF was carrying some kind of paraphanelia and whipping it about saying "I'm the hash lash" as snickers erupted from Black Box and Hungry 4 Head.

The walkers followed the sounds of the pack to signs that said Beer Near, and Beer. But when they showed up, only some tired and thirsty hashers were standing in the shade waiting for the beer van. Alas, it never showed and after playing in a nearby sprinkler, the pack was off. There was some talk on trail about renaming Well Drilled. Some educated hasher recalled that Carrie Nation went around during prohibition keeping people from drinking, but this was too much information for most. When Black Box suggested Dry Well. Sounds that passed for cheers was heard coming the parched lips of the pack. On we went.

About this time, it was noted that we were on Fillmore and this street runs near the on-on-on. A debate about weather to zen hash or to follow the trail ensued with the trail winning. This turned out to be a good thing, as Martha Stewart would say, because a Jeep carrying WaterGate, Twice Bitten Once Shy and Bumper Dumper with beer intercepted the pack. The pack thirstly drank with many thanks to the impromptu Brew Crew. Oh, it must be noted that TBOS made sure I knew that he was the first one in and that is why he was with the beer. Isn't this a violation? Also at the check, it was determined that Bumper Dumper was the infamous Blind Date.

The pack straggled off to find the end. It was mentioned by more than one hasher that the FRB's were chalk impaired since the checks hadn't been marked since 27th street. The last part of the trail was no different. Remedial chalk marking will be offered next week.. Now the trail went somewhere near RT 29 and up to Highland. Most hashers just ran up the hill giving up on scouting trail. However, a few just gave up and engaged in sex on trail. This would be Perk-E-Set and Big Bird Turd.

Anyway, up to the Clarendon Metro, down Wilson, across to the Sears parking lot and on-in the lost hashers went.And STILL no beer van! Again WaterGate shows up with beer. Lots of whining was heard and way to much to write about. SIO had water in his car and gallantly volunteered it to the parched hashers. Let it be known that there were no lemon cookies or oreos and no riot ensued.

Slick Slit, Little Emperor, Missing Link and Next Week were all standing about looking very fresh. Seems they showed late and played tag with each other before deciding to skip the run. Good thing since it was such a screwed up run. Just Anna finally met her blind date Bumper Dumper who had another virign at the run. Should be an interesting night.

Shortly the circle was called to order by WaterGate, Cyclops and Spinal Tap to lead the singing. The hares, Well Drilled and Bumper Dumper demonstrated a proper down-down for the virgins and visitiors:

Long time no seers Cross Dresser, Bonnie Brewer, Uncle Ed and Body Shots were called in for down-downs. And a silent down-down for Di's Deadly Dildo and Princess Di, who had run with the Manchester H3 in England was called.

Since the pack had been mulling over renaming of Well Drilled, seems the GM thought it was appropriate and so she was renamed to Dry Well for the lack of beer on trail. Cinderellas Jill and Carolina and their sponsors had to drink along with the Ugly Step Sister, Beetle Juice. The Hash Shit was called into the circle and the nominations were Bad Dog for having women's panties but having them "blow out of the car" and for the Brew Crew for not showing up ever. Wherethefuckarewe represented the Brew Crew and earned the Hash Shit for this dangerous liaison.

Announcements were made and Wilburr was brought into the circle as the Best Accessorized of the '96 Red Dress Run. Some harriette questioned whether he had his accessories removed but by that time Swing Low had begun. The mob retired to Whitlow's to get more beer and food.

On On, Screws Everybody

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