Date: September 8, 1997
Hares: Rude Boy and Rain Blow
Location: Clarendon Metro
As I arrived well after everyone else did, I assumed some folks began congregating in front of the Clarendon Metro Station only to be told that we were starting in a lot across the street. I know it confused at least one hasher, Pussy Whipped, who parked near the start with the block of ice with a pigs head frozen in the middle that Watergate requested PW to bring to Monday's hash. However, there was no room in the beer van and Watergate was no where to be found - luckily for anyone who may have received a down-down at the circle later that evening. Squiddly Diddly was sitting on a curb collecting money. As he was hidden by a car and numerous hashers (and I was getting some $ from PW from the VA Interhash), others would come up to me to try and give me money. Silly me, though, pointed where Squid was located. Black Box was also accepting cash for the Red Dress Run (Saturday, September 27; an event not to be missed).
Soon the group was called to order and all of the VA Interhash participants led a very dyslexic Father Abraham. The leader of the group was Had-A-Madam and also included No Genitals, Glad-He-Ate-Her, Spinal Tap, Hasher Humper, Cyclops, Bad Dog, Dickey Doo, Pay Per View, Great Puck, and Road Map. Conveniently missing were Pussy Whipped and Big Bird Turd. The hares were called forth to explain the marks and Rude Boy aptly demonstrated with flour. I guess this was in lieu of the chalk talk for the virgins. We were promised a beer check and a jello shooter check. However, that didn't bode well for anyone who wanted to get home at a reasonable hour knowing how Rude Boy loves to lay death marches for trails. Though there was probably no hope of a long trail as his co-conspirator in another illustrious hash, No Genitals, was not a co-hare for this evening. We would be proven wrong.
The trail in of itself was quite uneventful as we r*n mainly on the streets. Thank goodness as I was suffering a nasty case of poison ivy thanks to the trails laid by Pussy Whipped, Crash, and Big Bird Turd for the VA Interhash. The heat and humidity didn't help matters either. The trail headed for the Clarendon Metro and our first check. Calls of "On On" were heard and we headed down Fairfax Dr. One check confused the FRBs because they assumed that the trail would go across the parking lot and they missed the false trail markings. I had noticed that Trouser Snake and Love Me Tender had gone off in a different direction and had not returned. Sure enough they were on true trail and finally the rest of the group followed us.
We passed Rain Blow's apartment and she made sure we knew where it was by writing APT with an arrow on the street. Several hashers (Condomina and Dickey Doo), being true half-minds, asked what 'APT' meant. Also seen on trail was someone who was building an ultra-lite airplane and a 300+ pound man on a bicycle. I was amazed at his sense of balance. Trail eventually brought us to Glebe Rd and Quincy St. Surely I thought that we would begin heading back towards the start of the hash. Unfortunately I had overheard Rain Blow say that she was going to get back at all those hares that set long trails. Little does she realize that hares that set long trail actually LIKE long trails. Alas, we continued away from the start and towards Lubber's Run Park. Spits It Out was seen on trail sporting a St John's Block Party sign that he found. Later the sign looked like someone had taken a bite out of it and it read John's Block Party.
Trail continued away from the start and went through school grounds and a park. Love Me Tender was seen sliding down the slide and Big Bird Turd tried to trip me with a dog leash. Or else he was trying to get me to run again as he yelled at me earlier because I was walking. What does he think this is, a race?!? We interrupted a soccer game that was going on in the park but not before Just Lisa was able to participate and deftly return an errant ball. We then headed into the woods and across a creek. No one's shoes got wet, though, as we crossed a bridge. Tongue In Crack may have gotten his shoes wet as he was caught pissing on trail. Finally we ended up at Rain Blow's parents house for a much needed jello check. As we were far from the start (gosh, do I sense a hint of whining here?) and we still had the beer check to get to, it looked like it would be a very long trail.
Soon we were off again to terrorize the neighborhoods of Arlington and eventually headed to Rt 50 and the beer check (lots of r*nning happened between here and there but nothing truly interesting). The beer check was supposed to take place in a church parking lot but the adroit beer crew decided to park a block away on a secluded street. Yep lets try and get as much attention as possible from the Arlington Police by drinking beer in a well lit church parking lot. It did not seem like the hares were thinking too clearly. This assumption proved correct when we got to the end - but more on that later. While at the beer check, someone knocked over a table and spilled beer all over the place - smart move. Spinal Tap brought out some banana daiquiris made with bananas left over from the VA Interhash.
As it was getting quite dark a number of
hashers decided to get back on trail even though other hashers
were just getting to the beer check. The trail meanderd through
a neighboorhood, up a hill, and to Washington Blvd. The end was
located in a parking lot of a place that used to be a miniature
golf place. Not well noticed, though, was the sign that said
No Loitering. This would prove to be our bane.
Not soon after the beer van arrived and
we began setting up shop did one of Arlington's finest show up.
Had-A-Madam went over to try and appease the constabulary
but, alas, we had to move. HAM got the beer crew to put
away the beer and we began to circle up for Swing Low when a second
police car showed up. Again, HAM had to talk with the
cops (was two cars really necessary?). HAM brought out
Rain Blow to lead us in Swing Low as this was her last
hash before she moved to Rochester, NY where she will be getting
her Ph.D. in Statistics. While we were singing, the cops thought
it necessary to shine a spot light on the group. You never know
what a bunch of singing r*nners are going to do!?!. There weren't
mainy complaints except from Pussy Whipped who wanted to
make sure that he got his moneys worth in beer. Many in the group
went on to the On On On at Whitlow's where the hash bought the
first set of pitchers of beer. Without a circle we were unable
to honor the virgins (we hope you came back for this weeks run),
Long-time-no-seer Tongue In Crack, Rain Blow before
she moved, and others. The big question was who was going to
get the hash shit award this week. I suspect it would have been
the hares for setting such a long trail on a Monday night in September
and ending in a parking lot with a No Loitering sign. Hopefully
there will be someone else to do something stupid today to garner
the hash shit award. Otherwise I think Rude Boy actually
deserves it.
My two cents.
On On, No Genitals