IN BEER WE TRUST
WHITE HOUSE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

Location: Annapolis, Md.

Disclaimer: If I forgot anyone, left anything out or insulted anyone, well too damn bad because I gave everyone the chance to do this for me.

The first run, after switching back to Sundays, was the annual "Power of the Pussy's" Hash The run started at McGasby's Crab Shack, overlooking the water in Annapolis, MD. Since I had to drive a friend to the airport, I got to the beginning about an hour early, and was about to wander around for awhile, when I ran into Noah's Arc and Bad Dog. The hares had just returned from setting the trail and were running around setting up last minute things. Being the nice person that I am (the ONLY reason that I took pity on No Genitals and agreed to write the trash this week), I agreed to help Noah's Arc make the Oyster Shooters, for one of the 4 beer checks. Yes, you heard me, Oyster Shooters. That pretty much set the mood for the run.

Deviants starting showing up between 12:30 and 1:00 pm, keeping in tradition of white House running time which means if a run starts at 1:00, then you'll be lucky to start by 2:00. Crack Shot began decorating the Crab Shack with posters of naked women to represent LADY hashers, ugly, horny dogs to represent male hashers and cute, thirsty dogs to label the doggy water bowl. Surprisingly enough there was no confusion among the male wankers, and no one got down on all fours looking four a drink of water.

Well after many familiar and unfamiliar faces crowded the joint and scared away the regular customers, Mismanagement finally got Father Abraham underway at 1:35pm. Since the run was in beautiful Annapolis, on the water, GBOF, a Navy grad, was chosen to lead Father Abraham. We finished in Navy spirit with a GO Navy and Beat Army. The hares gave a few instructions with very creative poster boards describing the symbols along the run. We were to watch for smiley faces, which meant a check; faces with squiqqles, which symbolized headaches and meant no sex for the YOU.. I mean false trail; and 30 people to a check, which meant an ORGY.. I mean NO ONE leaves the checks without 30 wankers showing up first. We were about to take off when Big Bird Turd, seeing that I was scribe for the day, made sure that I got the name of his fellow hasher from "10,000 years ago", Worm from the London Hash House Harriers.

And they're off....

We took off down the road and at our first block, almost missed the first turn of the run because the checks were done in pink chalk and could barely be seen. We continued running up, onto a dock, past the Chart house, when we happened upon our first beer check in "Backyard Boats". This was no ordinary beer check, however, because our lovely hares had prepared Bloody Mary's. Everyone enjoyed the drinks for awhile, including a born again virgin, "Dice" from the Phillipines hash, which was apparently canceled on account of volcanoes. The exception to this "lovin life" check, as one wanker so eloquently put it, was Love Me Tender, who apparently was out drinking the night before and DID NOT know when to say when. Not only did he not enjoy any of the checks, but he also walked instead of ran. Shame on him!

We left the check and ran past Marmadukes, and through the streets of Annapolis, generally scaring pedestrians and blocking traffic. Until, we hit the drawbridge, which was up. The hares claimed that they had planned on the drawbridge being up, so that the group would be together, thus proving the true "Power of the Pussys". The traffic was stopped and lined up, so of course we all surrounded the cars and ran up to the front of the line. I got a small sense of what people felt like during the LA riots, as onlookers rolled up their car windows and locked their doors. All deviants were on their best behavior, of course, so the frightened reactions were totally unnecessary. Some songs were sung, and a jolly good time was had by all, except for a virgin who seemed a little nervous because she had some crazy notion that we were here to sacrifice virgins by throwing them over the bridge. . . Not a bad idea, huh? We'll definitely have to keep that in mind at our next Annapolis run. Everything was going smoothly and the bridge was starting to come down, when Big Bird Turd decided to climb up the side of the drawbridge as it slowly came down. Besides the hashers yelling at him, the police on the other side didn't seem very happy about it either. When the bridge was finally lowered, we all ran quickly so as not to be captured and punished.

Everyone got away and followed trail through the main town center, turned left through town and hit a check at the main traffic circle. When we found the true trail, it led us to our second beer check of the day, which again was a cleverly thought out check. The second check was at the Ram's head Tavern. It was a small, quaint little tavern that was downstairs and was accessed by this little, itty bitty flight of stairs. Before the eager wankers could enter and destroy, Crack Shot warned everyone to be quiet and to not steal the glasses. At first I thought I heard wrong, but sure enough, with a straight face, she actually used the words "quiet" and "hashers" in the same sentence, to no avail of course. This beer check was somewhat of a buffet check. The first tiny little mug held regular beer. As you moved down the line, you came across a second tiny little mug which held rye beer, and finally you found the third tiny little mug which held stout. It was a great check, but as No Butts No Glory pointed out, the quaint, tiny, little tavern was becoming quite "musty" (which is actually just a polite way of saying that all us wankers were stinking up the place). So, we headed out quickly, as the walkers arrived, and got back on trail.

As we headed out of the main part of town and crossed, what appeared to be a really busy four lane road, we noticed that we were being chased by a highway guard. Wanting to protect my fellow hashers, I yelled out that we were being pursued by the police and for everyone to run for cover. We ran through some trees, across a field and straight towards what appeared to be the beer van. Thus, less than a minute from beer check number two was beer check number three. Also, the back of the pack informed us that the cop was not chasing us to yell at us, but rather to stop traffic for us. He stopped Crack Shot and asked for which fund raiser we were running, to which she answered that we were raising money for a new Emergency Room. What good samaritans we all are!

Beer Check number three were blow job shots, with candied teeth that were supposed to go around the cup, as explained to Rajun Cajun, who was just dropping the candy on top. The whole point, explained by the hares, is a good blow job without teeth. This check took place under some nice trees on the back portion of St. Johns College. GBOF was kind enough to give a little history lecture on the St. Johns College, which happens to be the third oldest college in the US. He was also talking about some king named William who the college was named after. I lost interest, sorry GBOF, and caught up with the others.

The pack headed out of St. Johns and through town again. We seemed to be on the right trail when we hit an unexpected Beer Check. Crack Shot ran off trail into a little joint called "The Moon". Since she was a hare, the rest of us ran into the place and called the entire pack back. Come to find out, this was a false alarm beer check and Crack Shot was simply going into "The Moon" to cradle rob some kid named Mike. It was his nap time, so he had to join us later. After all the commotion was finally over, we finally did hit the fourth and final beer check, which was on some little dead end road. This was the infamous Oyster Shooter check. Most people seemed to enjoy them, except for a few wankers who refused to try them. If you've never had an oyster shooter, it's cocktail sauce, tabasco sauce, an oyster and some beer, and you just shoot it. Well, I came across Number 2, who must have mistaken the check for cocktail hour and was eating the oyster like an hor'deurve. I explained to him the concept and made him do another one, this time properly. Much better! Apparently, during this time, someone was considering swiping some red Mercedes (that had the keys in the ignition), until he/she realized that the owners of the car were among the crowd, doing oyster shots. They turned out to be a man and woman who were from out of town and claimed to be just sitting there enjoying the scenery. I'm not sure what kind of scenery they were admiring on a dead end road, and I'm not so sure I want to know. In the end, they were brought back to camp with us because, apparently, "they" liked her underwear. I personally didn't see any underwear (she was wearing semi-clear white nylon pants), so I asked if she was wearing any. Yes, she was and they were white thongs; thus solving the undies mystery.

Anyway, we headed back to camp and found Had a Madam waiting for us. I guess he claims to have another life outside of hashing and claimed to be busy with it, which is why he was so late. So, Had a Madam and Cyclops introduced the hares and made them do their usual down-down. Then he introduced the trizillion virgins.

Virgins and Visitors:

The Hash shit went to GBOF for calling Crack Shot and yelling at her, and just harassing the hares in general. The hash shit turned out to be a black whip with Sylvester the Cat tied to it; thus making GBOF pussywhipped.

We also had a naming of Lenkarl, a virgin who is also Russian and married to Finger Lickin Good. So, for ever more at White House hashes she will be know as

Friggin in the Riggin

Several Cinderellas and hashers with futures so bright they had to wear shades.

Receding Hareline

#557 10/5 Late Cummer and Put It OUt, Van Dorn Metro Station, Alexandria VA

#558 10/12 NEED HARES; contact Great Balls of Fire 703-876-4772, droidwh4@aol.com

#559 10/19 Wet Spot and others, Tenleytown DC

#560 10/26 Marine Corpse Marathon Hash, Rude Boy and Next Week, Iwo Jima Memorial, Arlington National Cemetary

Events

October Full Moon Hash - October 8, 5 or 6 PM; Butler's Orchard in Germantown MD. Hares: No Genitals, Had-A-Madam, Slick Slit, and Burnt Sox and our lovely assistant Hair Ball. There will be great beer, great food, great beer, a bonfire, lots of scary Halloween decorations and great beer. Camping is available in Hair Balls backyard for those that don't want to drive home.

Announcements:

Let's all give our vote to a hasher trying to make a difference.

Commited to making a difference! Kip R. Karl
Aka Finger Lickin Good
Candidate for the Virginia House of Delegates - 44th Distric=20
6736 Richmond Hwy., Suite 302. Alexandria, VA 22306
(703) 360-6587

Also, Spinal Tap asked me to thank everyone who came by his birthday party and making it a great time for all. He said we'll all do it again for his 69th

The End
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